A
female
age
41-50,
*adia2000
writes:So confused. A co-worker who transferred from one of our global and I have become very good friends over the past year. His wife was supposed to transfer as well to the us but they ultimately separated and are in the process of divorcing.A month after he filed for divorce we had a conversation and I said he needed to date people after being married for 10 years and I didn't want to be his rebound relationship. We both date other people but when we go out he pays for everything, we have hosted several dinners for friends together at his place. Recently he and two good friends got together and threw me a surprise birthday party which he paid for half of the cost. Lately we have been holding hands when we go out but it hasn't progressed further. I'm confused as to whether or not he likes me as more than a friend. I don't know if I should start to pull away from this and lose the friendship we have?
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (9 November 2013):
 I have taking dating to another level after my divorce so a relationship would not be to good with me. A person came to me we met through some other mutual friends then we exchanged numbers. She had a motive of money sex for money I had a motive for oral sex neither goal was a success but she lol thought I would be upset she didn't want a relationship I was elated especially after a long horrible marriage a horrible childhood. Even have a diploma to prove it wink wink. It's cool nobody wants love and relationships to much but I will be going to the clubs looking for other relations.
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 He clearly likes you but you told him you didn't want to be his rebound relationship!
Would you like to have a relationship with him at some point? Do you only want friendship? You don't say.
He might not fancy dating other woman when he has you in his sights. So if you really don't want him as a boyfriend then you must be very clear to him that it isn't going to happen, ever!
Can I just say at this point that not ALL people rebound when a marriage or long term relationship fails.
If one or both parties have accepted that the relationship is over then they may have already moved on by the time the split happens.
I had! My ex husband told me he wanted a divorce but we talked it out and tried to salvage the marriage for a further 8 months before we both decided enough was enough.
By the time we split, we had both moved on and within weeks I met the man who is now my husband! I worried about the rebound thing (for both of us as he was in a similar situation) but we had a connection and decided it was worth a go. We've never regretted that decision.
You like this guy but don't want to be his "rebound" gf, so based on my assumption that you WOULD like to date him, are you telling me that you are really happy to sit back and watch him date other woman?
I couldn't have watched my guy do that.
Also there is a risk, that he could, potentially fall in love with one of these dates and then you've lost him!
In a nutshell, if you don't want to be in a relationship with this guy then you need to make sure he knows that you like him as a friend but that's as far as it will ever go.
If you would like a relationship with him then discuss it with him and take things one day at time.
Alternatively, sit back and let him date other women until you lose him to one of them or feel that he has rebounded enough!
Final point, how will you know when he's finished rebounding (if he does)?
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 He can like you more than a friend but still not want to plunge into another relationship. I think you should pull away until you know that both of you want the same things, otherwise it would give him the message that he can take from you without you demanding anything serious. You can keep things professional and if he can't be your friend after he finds out there is nothing more, then it is his loss. He paid for your dinners, and your birthday. That's being a gentleman. You don't owe him anything rather than friendship. When he acts relationship-y then just remind him that you are friends.
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