| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are getting married, and last night the bachelor/bachelorette party topic came up...I don't want a male stripper, because I don't find them exciting, actually, they gross me out a little bit. On the other hand I'm sure he wouldn't mind having a female stripper. We actually talked about it, and he said it was a tradition. I told him I didn't like the idea of another girl dancing on him and him getting an erection... He's ok with that, says it's only natural, and says it's even ok that she rubs herself against his erection and gives him an orgasm. That upsets me! But he said it's only normal to get turned on if someone who's naked dances on you... Well, I wouldn't be turned on if a guy danced naked on me! He said that would make him upset too, but he's lucky enough that I don't like male strippers...However, I don't wanna be a party pooper, so, how can I be ok with the lap dance and orgasm thing? To me that's cheating, but I don't want to spoil his and his friends' fun... Also, is it common for the guy to cheat in his bachelor's party? Do the strippers perform anything sexual on him? Do the friends encourage him?It's so unfair, bachelorette parties are so dull compared to what guys can do!
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erection, fiance, lapdance, orgasm, stripper Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): That is so stupid, if your relationship is serious he shouldn't want to do that stuff in the first place, you shouldn't have to be the one to tell him it's not appropriate. He should know better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): I am so sorry that you are going through this and that other women here (perhaps they are not really women at all but male posters disguising themselves as women) are telling you how you should feel.
If this man is dismissing how you feel you may want to reconsider marrying him! He may feel differently but his dismissing your feelings is disrespectfull and an indication of what you will be facing in the future.
You have EVERY right to feel the way you do. You are not a prude because you have morals in this immoral society, you are to be commended for maintaining any sense of morality.
If you cannot reach a fair agreement over this situation, do not get married. This will ruin your wedding day. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and to have to face this man at the alter while wondering what happened at the party is no way to start your new life.
Find a man that will respect you and your feelings or you will be condemning yourself to a life of being treated in this fashion. It only gets worse after marriage, not better!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): It's just a bachelor party.
No women allowed.
And for a hens party (for the women) no men allowed.
What happens at these things, stays at these things. And its best not to even mention them ever again to each other.
Wild shit is SUPPOSED to happen. It is traditionally the last night of relative singledom for both of you. Enjoy it, and as long as you don't have sex... anything goes.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, agtorange  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 That's cheating for sure.
I don't think the stripper is a big deal, but if she makes him orgasm that's taking it too far.
You should just talk him into having a stripper dance around with no physical contact.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 I can understand where you are coming from, but just be glad he was upfront about it. And the dance will be in a room filled with his friends, it's not like he's going into a back room to have sex with her.
Just relax, let him have his last little bit of fun/freedom. Do let him know that his comments upset you, without being nagging or whingey.
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A
female
reader, mel2 +, writes (6 April 2008):
You need to understand what your getting into my dear, marriage is a commitment, leave your partner have some fun and you do the same before your wedding day. He sounds like fun, you sound boring "sorry" are you sure you are really suited to each other? ask yourself these questions as it's very expensive having a divorce god forbid!! Live together for two years before marriage is what i personally advise.Unless of course you are living together at present! Also ask yourself has he visited a laptop venue before? ummmmmm and enjoyed it! well he is a man ok! why don't you give him a laptop dance? you may enjoy it, after all you both trust each other don't you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, I care  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 holy crap did he really say that to you Boy oh Boy would I have been pissed if I was in your shoes. Not every man has a bachelor party you can have what they call a stag and doe where you both are there together with all your friends so that BS he's talking about dosen't happen I hate to say it but it sounds like he's looking for an excuse to play around and to answer your question by my oppion that is cheating. And you feeling your a party pooper I don't think so What he and his friends want is wrong cus it's plain BS. I wish you all the best and you should sit down with him again and talk this out and make sure where you stand before you take the plunge.
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