A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 14im very shyi find it very hard to talk to anyone especialy girlsive never actualy kissed a girlive had 1 girlfreind and that went no wherei really like a girl who i met over the internet ive met her oncei dont think she likes me back thoughand to be honest i dont see why she wouldim not good looking and i have no confidencei used to self harm alot i have to wear a wrist band to hide my scars im ashamed of myselfi was bullied for 7 years so i dont really know how to talk to anyonei cannot start a conversation or keep one goingim in councelling but it has done nothing for my confidence it just stopped me from self harmingit seems everytime i try to get anywhere something just comes up and messes it up for meim not a very popular person but what can i expect i dont talk to anyone i just sit there and stare at the floorcan anyone give me advice on:starting conversationsespecialy with girlshow to talk to girlskissis there anything i can do about scars?and should i continue seeing a councellor?
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female
reader, I'mheretohelpyou  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 I don't know if this makes any sense but I'm a Pisces and it says that Piscean girls like shy boys who have no confidence and I LOVE shy boys and alot of other girls do. To me it doesn't matter if your short or have scars, but don't think that I'm a complete angel, you have to be cute or atleast alittle cute and you can't be the judge on if you cute or not. I like shy boys because I wanna build up there confidence and also because somewhere in my silly little mind in believe that if you like a shy boy it's easier to ask them out but that's not true, anyway what i would do is make friend and then talk to people or move...no don't move sorry and make a friend.
P.S., I'd be your friend if we went to the same school and were in the same class.....and if you were a girl, lol. Boys are better.
A
male
reader, RHackett +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I think to begin with u should try and combat your low self-esteem, i dont know how but i am sure that u can find info on the net. Low self-esteem can cause so much hassle and at its worst can get in the way of even the simple things in life, such as maybe kissing girls and talking to girls.
I am 17 and havent ever had a serious relationship, in fact the only girlfriends i have had have been 14-15. Please do yourself a favour, if you happen to be worrying about being a virgin, remember that when you eventually do get what u want, you will feel stupid about worrying about it so much and you will feel worse.
Are you sure that the girl u met on the net dislikes you, i mean, did she say that? If not then think about why you think she does.
I used to self harm and like you stopped, i am so much happier now i have stopped. I still have the scars though, they remind me of it everyday, i have to wear long sleeve tops to cover them up.
If i was u i would continue seeing the counsiler. They help you more than you may realise. I have done counciling sessions but stupidly i stopped going and cant get back in to them now!!!! I knoe that sometimes the conversation is a little bit odd with them but all they are doing is trying to get to the root cause of your problem.
About kissing girls, the only thing i can say is that.
When you kiss a girl properly you will know because you will both enjoy it, this may not be your first, second or third kiss, but eventually you might just find the perfect moment with a girl.
P.S girls like jokes and fun.......
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A
female
reader, lushlass93 +, writes (28 April 2008):
 i want to give u a hug sooo much
you obvuosly dont have any self confidence at all but dont wrorry bcos i dont and i have no confidence you have to jst try and get on wake up and say i am me and i am not ugly we all just look diffrent i have relised that lately and it gives you a big confidence boost
i used to self harm and you shouldnt be ashamed because most people do or did you should keep on doing the counseling becuase it is obvs helping you
if this girl doesnt like you there will be plenty more you will find more and you will find a girl who you like and likes you back but focus on yourself and dont put yourself down all the time
good luck xxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Honey,
Don't feel down. I have lots of scars on my legs and arms and I have found vitamin e rubbed in is good, Bio oil is also good and as LJ001 said foundation is excellent. If you test the skin tones you can blend them in and they will cover most everything, Suntanning yourself with fake sun tan cream can also help blend in scars, very good on arms! I don't think scars put people off other people at all. They may want to talk about how you got them and sometimes sharing stories on why you have them can be good. Most people aren't actively looking for marks or scars on other people and I can promise you from experience that people aren't put off by anything like that. Most won't even notice unless you draw attention to them.
A lot of girls are very attacted to the 'mean and moody/ very quiet' types of boys. I think you will find most girls will initate conversation. The girl you met on the internet obviously liked you well enough to meet you for a date so although you maybe feel you don't have much confidence at the moment your written word must have done the trick!. If you like her e-mail her again and say you would like to meet up again. Take the vibes from the things she starts to talk about whether it is music, fashion, school whatever and just enlarge on those subjects. Some girls will do all the talking for you and if she is quiet she may be just shy too, its not that she doesn't like you.
I would definely continue with the counselling it can only be good for you.
You are only 14 and I think you will be fine.
Lots of love xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Oh honey, I'm sorry to hear you've had such a tough life up to now. But it's great to hear that you've stopped self harming now, because it never really solves anything. I hope you'd agree honey.
Well the first step to solving things like this is to try your best to forget your past. Forget things that people might have said to you to bring you down, or critisise you. God made everyone perfect, and as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone was put on this earth with a soul mate, yours is out there somewhere and she thinks you're absolutely stunning. Maybe you haven't met her yet, but it doesn't mean she's not there.
Once you've forgotten all the negativity, then find someone you want to talk to. You can practise this in the mirror if it makes you feel more confident. You can start conversations by just casual things like, "Hey, you okay?" or "Haven't seen you in a while" and a nice smile. Even if you don't feel confident, the trick is to ACT confident! I've read this time and time again in magazines, and it's what a lot of celebrities say makes them look confident. And eventually, you FEEL it! Think of it like getting into character before a performance.
Girls... Now I am a girl. But when I talk to guys, the only difference is their genitals to be honest! I mean, everyone has a different personality anyways, so differences in their mind aren't really relevant. You've just got to relax, because girls aren't aliens. In fact, she's probably just as nervous as you are. Imagine it's a guy, but don't talk about anything gross lol. But remember, smile smile smile! It doesn't have to be over the top, but it will make her a lot more comfortable talking to you.
Now, about the kissing. It really does just come with practice. So go with the flow. If you want to use your tongue, then don't shove it right down her throat! Maybe put your tongue in her mouth, then move it out again, and continue like that for a little bit. Make it nice and soft and gentle. But go at her pace - if she's going a little faster, then quicken up. But if you can vary the pressure, it usually makes the kiss a lot better. Sometimes press a little harder on her mouth with your lips, and others just move yours slowly and softly. It's all about finding what you're comfortable with, and your own technique. Practice makes perfect, remember.
Well, I'm not a doctor so I'm not sure about scars. The only thing I can think of is buying a foundation (like, the make-up a girl would put on her face). Yes, I know, it's not exactly manly. But it should do the trick. I use foundation (on my face, obviously lol) and its pretty good at covering up any imperfections. So I'm sure it could hide a lot of scars you might have. But maybe you could see a doctor about this, because they might have a cream that can make them fade, so it's worth a visit to him I'd say.
And my final piece of advice.. Stay with the councellor! Quitting will do you no good honey, so it's always worth sticking with them. They do know what they're doing, and in the long run, you'll be glad that you stayed with them. I hope everything starts to sort itself out soon honey, message me if you ever need anything okay. Good luck :]
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