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I'm 20 she's 17, will we have enough in common or am I too old for her?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 October 2007) 17 Answers - (Newest, 6 November 2007)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am 20 and mid way through my junior year of college. I'm trying to decide if I want to start a relationship with a 17 year old high school senior girl that lives back home. I'm worried about a few things, (1) is age a problem, (2) where we are at in our lives with her still in high school and me in college. please help!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

hi,

so im in the same situation as the girl you like. i am interested in a guy who is turning 21, and is in college while im in high school. we are waiting until in 18, but in ur case u may not want to wait.. talk with her openly and get her opinion on the matter. but there is no problem witha 17 20 age gap. if u guys truly care for each other you will be fine.

good luck :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007):

hey, im 17 and my boyfriend is 28, there is no problem unless she acts immaturerly. good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

I think your worrying to much about it, if shes mature and responsible i sure there probley wont be any trouble, i think the only thing is the distance from you and her, but dont worry just go with the flow!

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A male reader, Karlos Omnis United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

Karlos Omnis agony auntPast the age of consent, age really doesn't bear much of a factor.

Sure there will be generational gaps in terms of music tastes for example, but the core attraction can still be there.

And three years really isn't something to fuss about.

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A female reader, agony jess United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

shes 17 dont worry about the age problem just think would you go out with a 23 year old and if the relationship is only causing troubles then either ignore it or finish it p.s does any1 know how to get pics on this please tell me jess x

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A female reader, blueeyedbabe United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

I shouldn't think that the age gap would be a problem. She is 17 which means that she is probably quite mature anyway. As long as her parents know then it should be fine. The whole school/college thing may be a problem but only if you let it. I think that you should just give it a go. Theres nothing to loose and it could be the start of something really special in your life. If you dont give it a go then you will always be wondering what could have happened.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

My partner and I began dating when I was 17 and he was 22 (this is legal in England, where we both live). You will definitely have troubles along the way, but all relationships do inevitably. If you stay committed to each other and your love as well as consistently make sure both of you are communicating well, it will work. Make sure the girl knows what she's getting into to and never take advantage of her because she's younger. Respect her feelings and what she has to say. Don't make her feel left out either. If you two are on the same wavelength emotionally, you should be fine. Basically, just treat her with respect and the age gap won't be a problem.

Btw, now I'm 22 and my partner's 27. We've been living together for the past three years and have never been happier. We are both mature, intelligent and ambitious people who are heavily in love and support each other unconditionally. After I graduate from university next year, we intend on getting married as well. So you see, age gaps really don't make that much of a difference. Indeed a relationship like this can sometimes be a little more interesting just because of it. =)

Hope this helps!

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A male reader, agonyunclechris United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

agonyunclechris agony auntaslong as both of you are willing to have a relationship together then don't worry

3 years will seem big atm because you are at different stages in your life

but it will even out in next to no time

dont worry about it what so ever

good luck

chris

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A female reader, mizzy.mara Australia +, writes (25 October 2007):

mizzy.mara agony auntheyy look three years is nothing mate!!! honestly i am/was in a relationship where there is/was 11 yrs between us and we dnt/didnt care about anyone else all we know/knew is the we love each otha!!! lol if u love her and she loves u thats all there is to it!!!

gud luck lov mizzy.mara xx

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (25 October 2007):

kenny agony auntAge gaps invariably only ever become a problem if either ot the people in question have got issues with it. If your both fine with it then there is no reason whatsoever why this should not work. At the end of the day age is only a number, how you both feel about one another far supersedes age. After all its only three years between you which is nothing atal. As you get older the three years will seem less and less, like when you 25 and she is 22 it won't even be noticable.

All the best

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I agree to a certain extent with the other responders......but I do think that while three years is not so much when you are say in your later 20's. It is a bigger deal now only because you are in very different places in your lives. You are in your third year of college. She is still in the confines of high school, etc. Perhaps she is very mature and you have much in common in which case you can make it work. She has many decisions to make this year and will be moving on to college or whatever. You will be considering your career/and or grad school. In the meantime, she is still in high school and should make the most of her last year. I wonder if you feel comfortable attending high school events w/her such as prom. Just some things to consider. Good luck.

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A female reader, Troys-Sweetie United States +, writes (25 October 2007):

Troys-Sweetie agony auntok. so i am 30 and my boyfriend is 25. and i'll tell you what, he is the best man i have ever been with in my life. we are so in love.. age is just a number. as long as you are both adults then why worry?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

Never put age as a problem. If you two love each other then that is all that matters. Anyway there is only 3 years between you, which is nothing. My best friend is married and there are 21 years between them. Just enjoy life and stop worrying, go for it!!!

take care

xx

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

flower girl agony auntI was 16 and my husband was 20 when we met and thirteen years later we are still together, if you like each other it will work just don't listen to other people puttng the relationship down.

Take care.xx.

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A female reader, jodie United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

jodie agony auntomg shuga dont worry iits only 3 years i no people who are n a relationship with people like 5-10yrs older than them! if u relli love her and think it willl work and she thinks the same and has feelings for you then whats there to say aprt from go for it!!!!!!!!

gd luck luv meeeeeeeeeee

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A female reader, jowin75 United Kingdom +, writes (25 October 2007):

jowin75 agony aunthi if you truly like this girl age doesnt matter and then i say go for it,

if you relly like this girl you wouldnt be thinking about it this much you wouldnt be able to keep away from her,

but only you know how you feel

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A female reader, Pork Hock Canada +, writes (25 October 2007):

So what? My parents were married for 36 years and my parents were 5 years apart...really this is silly thinking. I know lots of people who are more mature than most adults I know. My husband is 5 years older than me...I really think you are making mountains out of mole hills.

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