A
female
age
30-35,
*hisismimi
writes:Dear friends.. I am 26 yrs old now. I know its time for me to get married.. And there is a man 36 yrs old, single who loves me so much. And wants to marry with me. I knew him from May last year. He is so kind and always on my side whenever i need him.. But the problem is i dont love him. Honestly, physically he is totally not my type.. But that is not the main reason. I just dont have any feeling towards him. Feeling like a woman to a man. I even dont want to imagine how if someday he touches me, because until now, what we all do is just shake hand. But in the other side i know i couldn't find a mature, a kind, a faithful man who loves me like him.I tried to love him, i even searched on google "how to love someone we dont love". And i found some articles only. Some said that by the time i will love him. But some said that if i dont feel love at the first time, i will never feel it..He said he will marry me this year, i really dont know what should i do.. Is that right that if i spend more time with him, i can love him someday..? Or is that impossible to love him even i try..? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thisismimi +, writes (13 March 2014):
thisismimi is verified as being by the original poster of the question Dear friends..Thank you so much for your help..When the last time i met him, i took a video of him secretly. I just hope if i watch that video many times, i would love him..I even recorded his voice when we talked on phone. I tried so hard to love him.. But the result is zero. I really dont have any feelings toward him, I even didnt miss him at all when he went to another city for a week..He is so kind, so caring.. And i feel he deserves a better woman who loves him sincerely, not like me..I will be so guilty if someday after married he realized that I never love him..So i decide to end it.. I know I hurt him now, but I do this for both of us..I hope i wont regret my decision..Thank you so much for Sageoldguy1465, iAmHereToHelpYou, Ciar, CindyCares and So_Very_Confused..Take care and GBU always.. :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Marrying for love is a fairly new concept. And Ciar is correct on that.
In the past (about 150 years ago and earlier) people married as business deals. To add land to their holdings, to build empires, to prevent wars. Because women needed support and men needed a housekeeper. These marriages NOT based on love stayed together since women had NO ability to support themselves. SOMETIMES it turned to love... many times it turned to mere tolerance of each other.
In the 21st century, it is no longer necessary for women to marry to support themselves, to gain land, to further their family's standing in society, or to please anyone but themselves.
Why would you SETTLE for a man you don't even want to touch?
I would end it with him right now so as to not give him the idea that you also agree to this marriage.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 I don't think you can ever force to love , in a romantic sense, someone you don't. It is true that in time you can grow fondness and attachment, as Ciar remarks, ... but the opposite can also happen, as shown by the high incidence of divorce. Living together is difficult, tensions , disagreements and boredom may pop up unexpectedly and if there isn't a strong glue of love, and hopefully physical passion too, it's so easy for everthing to unravel...
It seems to me such a risky bet that it's not even worth taking it... because you don't have to take it.
The women who married in the past for social, economical, family, status or religious reasons on the past, and all those that still do today ,because in some countries arranged marriages are still going strong, did it and do it because it was/is a mandatory bet that they had to take. Meaning that remaining single would have been / would be such a miserable destiny , for various reasons, like submitting them to social ostracism, or endangering their economical survival, depriving them of any possible sexual life and chance for motherhood etc.,- that anyway they chose / chose to take the challenge and just make the best of what they get . They marry without love, if love comes, great- if not, hey at least they are married.
Luckily in many countries and societies ( I don't know about Indonesia, though ) it's not like that anymore.
There's really nothing to lose - if you find someone who loves you and whom you love back, you get married . ( And at 26, it's really too early to worry about the possibility to find a suitable companion ).
But in the unfortunate chance that you'd never find a suitable candidate for marriage... so what ? What's the worst that could happen ? That you don't get married. Far from a destiny worse than death, IMO, and waaay better than being forced to live with ( and to have sex with ! ) someone you feel at best a benign indifference for.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Yes, it is possible for couples to grow to love one another, or at least develop fondness. Marrying for love is a fairly recent concept and when you consider how many arranged marriages there have been all over the world and throughout the ages...yes, it certainly is possible.
However...
Since you can marry someone for love AND practical reasons I say don't settle for this guy out of some mistaken assumption that you won't find anyone better. There are plenty of quality men out there so you can afford to be selective.
If you don't want to marry him, then don't marry him. The courts don't need another divorce to sort out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 March 2014):
 You write: "...But the problem is i dont love him."
You'd have to be crazy to marry this guy... in the hope that somehow, some way, you MIGHT get to love him... OR, like him enough to make a partnership and marriage work...
That's like saying: "I'm going to take a hose and pour some liquid in to the fuel tank of my car. IF it's gasoline (and my car burns gasoline).... OR, if it's diesel (and my car burns diesel), then, I guess I can start the engine and go somewhere.... BUT...
.... You know that the hose is connected to the water spigot on the sill of your house..... so it's going to dispense water... so you ain't going NOWHERE!!!!!!
Think about it... and decide if marrying this guy - or anybody else - is "worth" throwing away your life and happiness....
Good luck..
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