A
female
age
41-50,
*azzle1978
writes:I'm a little confused and need some help. I have been with my current partner for 4 years now. We have separated 4 times within the 4 years together so things haven't always run smoothly.Recently I have approached the 'baby' subject. I have mentioned having a child quite a bit in the past and always knew his answer to be 'No'.. I'm now 32 and do want to know that one day, before i'm 40, I will be having children. I'm so torn as I love this man dearly and feel that leaving him isn't an issue but I need to know we will have a family at some point. He does get very frustrated about alot of things and gets quite wound up and depressed. Alot of blame for things is put on me which isn't right.He's 40 next year and I think that that worries him slightly. He's very fit, has a great job and really cares for me and i honestly can't see why he wouldn't want a family or baby with me. Does he love me?I have sent him emails to explain how i feel as I never really sit and talk to him because of fear of his answers. His response to this was good. It shocked me really. He said why don't i sit and talk to him like this when we're at home.. Not always easy I say..I need advise on how to approach this head on.. I want to have reassurance that we will try for a baby in my mid to late 30's and I need to know what to do if he really doesn't want them. Is it easy to walk away??I's appreciate your answersxx
View related questions:
depressed, want children Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 I think you are procastinating. You want children, and you've told him before. He said no. Then you think "well maybe later". Now you say hopefully in your mid 30-ties. You are already in your mid 30-ties.
No it is not easy to walk away! You haven't been able to in 4 years and you say leaving him is out of the question. But as it is, you want children and he does not. You keep hoping that soon he will, so you don't have to face your tough decision just yet. You want him to say those magic words so you can live happily ever after.
I don't think you will hear them. If he can't tell you those words "yes I want a baby now", I fear you will never hear them. And I think it is pointless to wait yet another year for them.
So decide what is more important: having children, or having this man? If it is having children, give your man a time frame of maybe 6 months to make up his mind. Either you try for children, or you leave him.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 May 2010):
I think you have to sit down and say that you want a serious talk and you want him to be honest with you and not just react.
Tell him you want a baby by the time you are 35 and want to know if he wants one too.
If he says no then I think you know you need to move on. There are a million men out there who will treat you far better and be a better father.
The fact that you have separated all these times and are too scared to talk to him face to face about these issues says to me that you know full well you can do better.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 May 2010):
Please look at the facts, and for a minute stop thinking about the 'love' thing here. Because this is not a relationship that's working properly and is not suitable for a baby. Within the last 4 years, you've broken up 4 times. So there's little stability. He frequently gets wound up and depressed. Not good if you have a crying baby that needs a nappy changing and he can't take it. And he blames you for a lot of things that happen. That's not stable either, nor is it fair to you. And your child will see it if you have one with him. And to top it off, you can't even speak to him face to face because you're scared of his answers. This is a disaster waiting to happen. However, if you really need to know, ask him straight out how he feels about the idea of children. That will give you your first idea of whether or not it's going to happen. But to be honest, I can see this going wrong whether you have children or not. This just seems like a disaster waiting to happen to me.
...............................
|
