A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, about four months ago, I asked a girl out and we ended up going on three dates; but after the third, she started acting a little weird by trying to zone me out. And then when I asked her why, she said she was sorry and didn't feel too comfortable with how I treated her (I was surprised - but I convinced myself it would have been a little overwhelming for her). For about a few few weeks then on, I didn't do anything, and then I wrote her a letter explaining how I really felt about her and if not anything else, I asked her to just consider the possibility of giving me a chance (and herself) and get to know each other better - and it just might work out to be excellent. Unfortunately she didn't read the letter in time (while Uni was still open) and read it when she went back home (during vacations) and then she talked to me about it and I got a chance to explain why I did what I did. The outcome was this: she said she would think about it - about us dating and getting to know each other and let me know when she sees me at Uni again, but it's been almost a week since Uni began, and even though I've seen her a couple of times around, she hasn't talked to me about it. I don't know what to do now! After putting in so much effort from the past 6 months, and after getting so close, I don't want to just let it go and just forget about it. I feel that now I can't ask her again for the decision - since it's just not right. But what if she doesn't make a decision at all? What if she just lets it slide? Please help me with this one - will really appreciate it! She is an amazing girl and I don't want to lose the chance of at least getting a decision out of her - instead of just letting time pass by. Thanks again! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Cindy, just to add - this is not in my home country. I'm in the UK now, and the girl I'm talking about is Polish! Thanks for your advise, nevertheless!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2012):
 I absolutely agree with Tisha, the tell tale signs are all there, you just don't want to see them.
She is just too nice, or too passive - aggressive- it's always a matter of points of view - to reject you firmly and finally once for all. I am not surprised , women are very seldom trained since childhood to communicate asserively and call a spade a spade- with them the accent is always more about " make nice " and not make people feel bad. That's why so many girls all over the world have so much trouble saying " sorry, I would not date you were you the last man left on Earth" or words to this effect, particularly if the guy has been kind, nice and respectful. Imagine in your country , were surely woman are not taught to be remorselessly " in your face ". Taking rejection is hard but, believe it or not, inflicting it may be even harder. The girl has not realized yet that some times you've got to be cruel to be kind. Give yourself your own closure, and save yourself the agony of wishful thinking and indefinite waiting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn the third date we went to dinner at a nice restaurant. Apparently that was too much for her - when I offered to pay the bills and take her to the place by booking a cab in advance. I mean, I did my best - and I thought it would be nice to treat a girl this way!I don't think she conveniently forgot, because I didn't actually "post" it. I just put it in the pigeon hole of her hostel (which is opposite mine) and maybe she wasn't expecting any letters; people usually check for any letters before they move out and I think this is when she found out I had sent her a letter. But yes, I am hopeful and not (quite) ready to accept a 'no' I guess! Anyway, thank you for all your answers. As Tisha-1 said, is she likes me she'll come tell me - as I already done enough, I think!Thank you all again!
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A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (3 May 2012):
 "But what if she doesn't make a decision at all? What if she just lets it slide?"
Here you go, buddy. You just answered your own post. Do you really want to be with a girl who just lets your feelings 'slide'? You may think she's pretty amazing but she obviously doesn't feel the same way. If she did, then she would have kept her word and responded to you when she saw you at Uni. She's just hoping that it will all blow over, you'll put two and two together and realize that this is her way of letting you down easily. It's really up to you whether or not you choose to take the hint.
Also, like Honeypie asked you. How exactly did you treat her that made her feel uncomfortable? It will help people to answer your question with a bit more accurate advise.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 May 2012):
 She's made a decision, you just are so hopeful you can't see it. The decision is "no, I don't want to date you." Here are the tell-tale signs she's not interested: On your third date, she told you she didn't like the way you treated herShe conveniently "forgot" to read your letter until it was too late to see you that school sessionShe's ignored the topic entirely since your return to school Basically, she's hoping you will give up and go away, so she doesn't have to tell you a flat out "no, thank you."She knows you like her, she knows where to find you. Let her come find you, but dont hold your breath. I'm sorry to report that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 May 2012):
 So what exactly did you do that made her back away?
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