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female
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anonymous
writes: There a new guy Han who works for my uncle who owns a casino and I am very very very attracted to him ... I have never been attracted to any man like this before. However, my uncle and dad have both told me to stay away from anyone who 'works' for them because they aren't 'good' for me and I'm engaged. The thing is my fiancee is perfect and everyones always saying I'm the dangerous type. Although i love my fiance a lot but I sometimes yearn for that danger and although I wont cheat It's awfully tempting. I don't know whether I should see Han again just one more time or if I should just let it go. I know if my dad or uncle find out they'll 'get' him and I don't want that and I know If my fiance found out that it would really hurt him and I don't want that either. I don't know if I should just embrace the danger one more time before I get married or If I should just move on and settle don without potentially crushing everything good I have going for me. Help! please Thankyou x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Well, your father and your uncle have both told you that it is a bad idea to get involved with anyone who works for them. You have to assume they know what they're talking about.
Second, you are engaged. As you said, if you have a 'fling' with this Hans, your fiance would (justifiably so) feel very hurt and betrayed. He might decide to end the engagement on the grounds that you cheated on him and are therefore not trustworthy. IF YOU DO THIS your fiance would be right in coming to such a conclusion!
YOU are the only one who can decide whether its worth throwing away what you have now for the sake of an "adventure" which will most likely be very short-lived and lead nowhere. Then where would you be? I will say that you have to ask yourself whether you would go ahead with your plans to marry if this Hans was not around to tempt you.
IF you want to have an affair, then do the decent thing and break off your engagement FIRST, BEFORE getting into sex with this other man. Just keep in mind what your uncle and father have told you, and what it could cost you.
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