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female
age
36-40,
*atelin
writes: Why am i so jealous and insecure?Im 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Hes a good man and will do anything for me and vice verca. Ive suffered from jealousy and insecurity now for many years, however i am better than i have ever been, but i cant help but feel im messed up in the head!!! I get jealous and insecure whenever i see women i know full well are airbrushed ect, celebs, nude women,sexy calenders, think you get my drift,just knowing my boyfriends seen them cripples me, and i become distant, pictures are so suggestive!!!! Ifind it hard to discuss, and people call me stunning, even had people think im a model!!! but this changes nothing, i cry sometimes too, how can you feel sexy next to these women? i really struggle sometimes, and its rare i feel happy, im always downand know somethings around the corner.What can i do? i should be greatful, he doesnt watch porn etc, but ive even stopped going to the cinema because its fullof sexy women,and goingtodvd stores because every other dvd has half nakedgirls etc!!! whats wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007): no need to be jealous..those girls are jealous of you..thats why their natural look isnt good enough for them..the need to be somebody else. yes, pictures are suggestive..but dont worry those girls dont have anything on your man if hes really interested in you. if i was a guy i would appreciate a natural girl way more then one who turns orange if she doesnt get to her tanning appt right away
A
female
reader, forgetmenot +, writes (31 December 2006):
 What everyone's said so far is great. I just wanted to add that you're boyfriends probably a reasonably intelligent, free thinking guy. He's as aware as you are about all the airbrushing and special lighting and the hours of hair and make up that goes into creating these images. You're far sexier because you're real. He can touch you, taste you, smell you, be with you. You're a real live woman who loves him and wants him. What's sexier than that?
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A
female
reader, katelin +, writes (28 December 2006):
katelin is verified as being by the original poster of the question PS
And may i just add, your right (anon male) alot of women in the lime light are not perfect, far from it, i notice alot of women and think, yeah,im actually nicer than that.
Its just i dont get the opportunity to wear sexy clothes like all these girls do on posters and magazines, and itslike,myboyfriend never sees me in the sexy way he see's them. I just dont know how im supposed to feel good next to them?? how? and if i go cinema for example,how do i feel ok? sitting there, with my boyfriend next to me, watching some stunning sexy woman flaunt all she has ect or in a sexy scene? it makes me not only uncomfortable, but it makes me jealous and feelsmall, and shown up in a weird way, that i cant compete??? gosh im stuck
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A
female
reader, katelin +, writes (28 December 2006):
katelin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thank you for leaving your comments,it means alot and i appreciate it so much.
If im to be 100% honest, i really did think i would get harsh and unkind comments,as 1 person inparticular that i tried to talk to just didnt understand. Although it can be hard to understand i know.
AngelofLove, i will,i will def try those steps and to be positive,thank you for that and the time to answer me.
And to the anon male, thankyou also.
Its such a hard thing to explain, somedays are better than others,sometimes i dont even know where it comes from!!
Im just 22, i shouldnt be worrying about such things, but i do, its like theres something inside of me that i dont have control over, it kills me inside it really does,i suppose it doesnt help the fact that the world has become very vain. I did know someone who felt just like me, except i didnt feel it when she did, it hit me later on in life, and i thought she was mad,how awful, and thats how i feel people might think of me, that im not rightin the head,and all it is is insecurity, thinking these women arebetter than me, perfect and that my boyfriend finds them more attractive than me. Simple fact is, ive had some money problems for quite some time,i dont get to spend money on myself, nice clothes, sexy underwear,i have tomake the best of what i have,which i do, but itdoesnt make me feel good, i know its all material,but its true, i feel, well, unsexy! we see a picture of a gorgeous woman for example, in sexy underwear,i just feel a nobody, that hes looking at her, how shes everything im not, looking perfect and airbrushed doesnt help, does that make sense? suggestive pics are 10 times worse!!i find it all very hard to explain,its deeper than what it sounds, it actually hurts me,and sometimes ive nearly cried.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 You are not alone in feeling insecure next to these women.
Remember, your partner chose to be with you because he loves you the way you are!
Sounds like you are suffering from depression and low self esteem. Find out about counciling and support groups to give you confidence boost. You have underlining issues that need to be dealt with.
Remember, these feelings unresolved are what can push someone away, not the fact that you are not a model.
Worrying about something you have no control over, is pointless, concentrate on what you can do.
Live your life to the full and be happy for every minute of the day!
The way we see ourselves is not always the way other see us. We tend to be our own worst critics. You are waisting your precious time on being a ermit, get out there and live life.
Every morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself out loud "I AM A WONDERFUL AND HAPPY PERSON". Say this 3 times and mean it!!!
Whenever you feel low, use you energy and write down 5 things you like about yourself, always be positive and write another 5 things that you to be grateful for that week.
I will help you with the first 3 which I have learnet about you just by reading this message, you can repeat these if you like, how sure you can add the other two.
"3 things I like" about you:
1 You are honest (it takes guts to admit a problem and share it with others)
2 Have improved on jealously level (it is hard to do, I know)
3 You are beautiful(you must be if they have called stunning that, most of us are happy to be called "not bad looking")
"3 things I am grateful for":
1 Be young 22 years old (beautiful age)
2 Have a loving partner (that loves me the way I am and has done so for the last 6 years)
3 Have the moral support of Dear Cupid agony aunts 24/7 so I am never alone, someone is always there to listen and advise.
Dealing with insecurity issues is not easy, it takes a long time and is always work in progress. Be strong and go to the cinemas. You are missing good comedies!
Sexy ladies are everywhere as sex sells, you cannot spend the best years of your life hiding. Be proud of who you are and be happy.
Lots of hugs xxx
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006):
For the most part men arent as critical as you think. For instance FHM has decided halt publication in the US. The reason my friends are down on it is the models are too airbrushed compared to other mags.
And take phenonmeon of MILF and amateur porn. Those girls dont have perfect bodies my any means and yet the interst in them is high.
Men arent as critical of women as you seem to think.
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