A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, am a 59 year old single woman, been dating this guy for five months, but am very busy, he wants more, but I don't have the time, we have fun one night a week, I haven't introduced him to family or friends, he comes on real strong,you know, romantic, but I like jock guys, he isn't even close to that, I wish I could meet a big football guy, treat me the way he does, but I can't fined one, he doesn't even drink, when we go out to a bar, dancing to live music, he owns his own house, got a good job, he even buys me small presents,but every time I fall for a guy like that, they change, do any guys , stay nice, he thinks am hiding him from all my friends, thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2018): You're going to be old, miserable and all alone.
I hear the clock.
Tick... Tick...Tick... Ticking away.
That's the truth..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2018): [EDIT]:
"...who are still in their playful-youth and not looking for much serious."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2018): Most of the mature-jocks I know over 50 are pretty banged-up, married, or several-times divorced. The younger guys have such tremendous egos and are so testosterone-drunk; women can only stand them for a short amount of time.
If you like being pushed around by a macho-type; then you're just caught-up in a " character-type." Not a real guy. You're not looking for anything real, relationship-wise.
Those overly-exaggerated macho-types are so dumb, they can't count backwards from five! They are really better left for young females in their prime; who are still in they're playful-youth and not looking for much serious. Still sowing their wild oats! They can recover from the damage much faster.
You're a mature, confident, and experienced-woman now. I guess you can find that type of guy in any sports bar; usually hanging off the edge of a stool in a stupor.
Hon, you're not getting any younger, and you've found a guy nuts about you! I am so fed-up with female-complaints that men are this or that; but "nice-guys" still get undue complaints from women for treating them right.
Well, like the Pussycat Dolls say in their song: "Careful what you wish for 'cuz you just might get it!" Everything you fantasize about, but nothing you really need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2018):
In a way, I admire that you are 59 and yet seem to have the confidence to think that another, better man will come along for you; many women in their 50s start to get panicky and desperate and accept whatever man looks their way, often out of fear of being alone.
However, I agree with the other respondent that, for your age, you also seem somewhat emotionally immature - I don't mean any insult by that, just that your post does sound like that of a teenager or early 20s person, because you don't seem to have looked all that much into the underlying dynamics of relationships generally and how they affect and are affected by you specifically.
Reading somewhat between the lines, I think this man seems nice, straightforward but (for you) a bit predictable and boring. On the other hand, I get the impression that you are, possibly even without meaning to, giving him the impression that you are 'hard to get', so he is going to some great effort to win you over. Funnily enough, a lot of women play this game deliberately, as it tends to work. With you, it's like you are doing it because you are pretty indifferent to him.
What's missing, though, is any reflection on your side regarding why all the men you've known seem to change after you let them into your life. Presumably, you mean that they change for the worst. Well, after the "hunting" phase and the "honeymoon" phase are over (typically within 3-6 months of getting it together), couples do inevitably go through a test stage where the initial excitement wears off and they are left wondering how to proceed. This is where it becomes really important to work as a team, develop really good communication between you, and for you both to feel that you can easily and readily discuss your values, what you want and what you don't want in your life. A lot of men 'bail out' at this point, if not literally then emotionally ie. they may stay put physically for a while longer, but start to act up because they either a. lack the emotional maturity themselves to take the relationship to a stronger level or b. you lack this kind of emotional maturity or c. you are both incompatible.
Wanting a 'jock' guy indicates two things to me. First, that you yourself are still emotionally immature and want all the superficial excitement, fun and giddiness and danger that comes in much earlier, short lived relationships. What are you trying to capture or re-capture here? This kind of relationship ensures that you remain emotionally unavailable at a deeper level - you never have to really commit and get on with the more 'plodding' kind of day to day relationship stuff, because you're always in a state of uncertainty with a guy like this, and the uncertainty (both exciting and painful) takes up all your emotional space. You may long for a better, stable relationship, but the longing is all you will have. Secondly, it indicates that the 'jock' guy you find so alluring is probably based on whatever parental role models you had at a younger age - if you had a mum or dad (it doesn't matter what the gender is, what's important here is the pattern of emotion they set up) who was unavailable emotionally, then you won't have been through the process of building the different emotional layers and structures that get couples through day to day stuff. The result is that you will see nice, predictable men as boring, because you effectively don't have the "wiring" to see them in any more positive way.
I'd strongly suggest you think about your own motives and behaviours here. It seems like you haven't yet developed the emotional maturity to take things to a deeper, more steady level with a man and that you actually fear doing so. A jock guy would distract you from your own fear of settling for someone "boring", whereas what would help is taking this predictable, nice guy and developing some healthy routines with him, as a basis for you both to add fun and excitement into now and again. Learn to love the 'hum drum' with someone - companionship is incredibly important in the more 'low key' sense. And if you need excitement then factor that in by telling him that's what you need and seeing how he responds. Give him a chance and give it time. I'm sorry but unless you are a millionaires or drop dead gorgeous then it's unlikely that men will keep wooing you in this way for much longer - sad fact but true.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (19 March 2018):
Why are you wasting this poor guys time? He is clearly not the type of man you want. You need a jock and he needs an honest woman who appreciates what he has to offer. Stop seeing him and let him get on with his life.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (19 March 2018):
 We all are attracted to a certain look in a mate so if this an isn't doing it for you, why continue to date him? It isn't fair to him. If his kindness and thoughtfulness aren't what you want and you don't feel any physical attraction to him, then please let him go so he can find someone that can appreciate him for how he is.
I have to agree with the other posters, you sound like a 15 year old, not a mature woman. Remember the expression "grass always looks greener on the other side"??? Be careful of what you throw away while pining away for something that you may not want what you get it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2018): I am stunned by your age. The way you speak, you sound like a superficial, naive teenager with her first crush on a boy.
You need to look at why at your age you are still single. You don't seem to know much about relationships.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (19 March 2018):
If you keep w/your line of thinking, you will end up miserable. Relationships aren't all about your fantasy. What you want a jock guy who will prob treat you like crap and won't even? If you don't start treating him right, he will leave. If you don't like him, let him go so that he can find another women who will cherish him.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (19 March 2018):
 OP, HE IS THE NICE GUY! You're not a teenager, so you need to get over this "jock" fantasy. It's clearly not working for you because you are a WOMAN, not a GIRL.
This guy sounds great, so you should either realise how good you've got it with this guy, or let him go to find someone who isn't hung up on some teenage "jock" idea.
Why can't you make more time? Why is this guy not good enough for you?
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