A
female
age
36-40,
*ixieGwen
writes:I guess im trying to learn how to deal.I broke up with my bf over a month ago because our relationship went from seeing/talking to each other daily.. to still talking daily (he'd call to say hi, i miss u/love u) but barely hanging out. He used to work full time but then got suspended with pay, but it went downhill when he started school full time. I've had issues with him feeling unattractive, hardly wanting sex and me being the man in the relationship (meaning he wasnt feeling well, thought he was fat etc but only wanted to cuddle). He's struggled with school thinking it'd be easy to go back and is always behind, procrastinating. He told me things would get better for us but it got worse. I freaked out and broke up with him. I later regretted it, still do because i love and miss him. He still continued to talk to me daily, and we started seeing each other occasionally for lunch etc. We had talked about getting back together but he said he might move if he doesn't get his job back. So he got his job back and now hes working and going to school full time. We've made plans for dinner etc and hes either forgetten cos he fell asleep at work or couldnt make it. He hardly calls anymore. I asked when he started work if we were together and he said he didnt know, and later said he doesnt know how much time he can devote to me and said to let him think about it. I asked him "if i said i dunno to u, bout if were together, what would u think?" he said "i think that you wanna be with me and that either way we'd be together soon" his way of thinking confuses me. He doesnt want me to see other guys but after he gave me that response i said, fine..i wont call u anymore, ill date other men and when u can spend time with me, gimme a call. He's called me here n there since then, we ended up having sex one of the times. We saw each other recently and he gave me this piggy bank hes had forever, random...but i love it.Ive been dating other guys but hes always at the back of my mind.at the end of this month his schedule changes back to how it used to be when we met(night owl status). Part of me feels he thinks it'll change things for the better when his schedule changes but i dunno. Last time he said i dunno to something was when we first got together..he wanted me bad and didnt want me to date other doods and once i was ready to be his gf he said i dunno and gave me lame reasons. turns out the real reason was because he might be deployed. i told him the real reason was better than the other ones. he likes to keep things to himself, like he doesnt want to hurt me.. but by not communicating/expressing himself - he hurts me more and it comes off like he doesnt care, when i know he doesi want us to get back together.. and i think its fair he said he didnt know how much time u can devote to me..but i want to know how to deal or be patient..and be his friend..not hang around/wait for him but still be nice.. because i love him and i consider him a friend as well.
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (22 April 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyoulately ive been talking to him alot..but im gonna stop because i feel like im chasing him.. he called me recently because he was super super sick(he makes it sound like hes dying)..(because hes been running himself ragged) but he reminded me of this trip hes taking and said he was probably still going to take it ..despite he was sick (he said its a free trip/hes in the military and has friends all over the world and theyre paying for his ticket). i missed his call..and he ended up going on his trip..so his phone was off for a few days and i didnt know he was out of the country.. i found out and i got kind of annoyed..because he called me to tell me he was super sick and it sounded horrible and then ended up leaving a few days later for Dubai. i know he still cares..and i just need to give him a break/space..(my frustration,anxiety and love for him doesnt help our current inbetween relationship) .so i figure ill go back to what i was doing and let him contact me, if he wants to make this work..he'll do it. ive been going out alot more with friends aswell as dating other guys..trying to keep busy.. thankyou for your response. i appreciate it..and i hope youre right :)
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 It sounds to me like yes he still does love you, im guessing the pressure of working and studying is leaving him stressed out and also with not a lot of spare time for you, therefore yes what he is asking is fairly reasonable.
Be there for him. Dont contact him a lot but if he needs a friend at the moment just be there for him. Also get out yourself and hang around with your own friends. Live your life and enjoy yourself. Im sure the both of you will work this out just give it time. Goodluck.
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