A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! When I was with my ex I cheated on him with my current husband (who was my "lover" for a short while before I left my bf to be with him).So, do you think my marriage is doomed because it started this way? I am so in love with my husband, but sometimes I feel that something that started that way is headed for failure... but then my husband and I have such a great time together that I forget all about it. I even talked about it with my husband and he says he's got no problem at all with how our relationship started because most of the women he knew had a time in their life when they were juggling two men at a time before picking one. Is this true? Or is he too in love to say I was a plain sl*t? And again, do you think a marriage to your "lover" could last? Any similar experiences? Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): The issue is trust. Since you both know that the other is capable of lying and cheating, there is a higher than average chance that at some point in your marriage one of you will get suspicious of the other whether there is anything real going on or not. This destroys intimacy and happiness.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (7 January 2013):
 Without throwing around any loaded labels. The Reason people say that a relationship that starts the way yours did is doomed, is because unfaithfulness tends to be habit forming.
Now you were unfaithful once. Does that make it a habit? Maybe yes maybe no. You are an advanced intelligent being. You don't have to be a slave to your chemistry. People change every day. It is smart of you to watch yourself for signs of trouble. We all have our demons. This is yours for a while.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): Thats how I started my relationship with my now husband. I was still with my boyfriend of 8 years. Honestly, my husband was amazing from the moment I met him, my ex was tempermental and controlling, it was difficult to break up with him because he wouldn't ever want to let me go. There was some overlap, but I walked away and never looked back. I have no regrets. It wasn't ideal, but I wasn't in the right spot. I would never do that to my husband. Ever. I'm sure you wouldn't either. We all make poor decisions sometimes. Doesn't mean we will repeat them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): I think most people say relationships with the 'other man/woman' will never last because a lot of them begin for reasons other than love and respect (lust, boredom, grass is greener, opportunity to name a few). Yours on the other hand is different because you are both in love and are happy together, so I think you have as good a chance as any other couple at making it last. Its not ideal but the fact is some people do meet their soul mate when they are with someone else. For what it's worth, my cousin and her husband both ended engagements to be with each other, and while I don't necessarily agree with the way it happened (sorry), there is no denying that they are very happy and have been for 9 years. So good luck to you both and stop letting a fear of the future worry you now.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 January 2013):
Since you seem to cheat when you're in relationships the ball is in your court.
If you want to start cheating then it's going to end like the other ones.
If you are just horny maybe you need to start swinging instead of cheating next time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 January 2013):
It will only fail if you or your husband wants it to fail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): I guess its possible that a man could have doubts in his mind that his wife may leave him the same way as she got with him to begin with, but as he said, it doesn't bother him. You've also got to bare in mind that you obviously wasn't happy with your ex, and your now husband was the object of your affections, so its not like you just used him as an escape route or rebound is it.
Anybody is capable of being unfaithful, and will do it/again if the idea appealed to them, but I think the important thing is that you're happy now, and not to worry about negative things really. Live each day as it comes.
By the way, the commonly accepted definition of a "slut" is a person who freely gives their body away to anybody for a sexual purpose.
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