A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi my boyfriend and I were together for three years but he finished with me six months ago after we kept going on breaks and I kept on finishing with him.We had a really good relationship but we both got stuck in a rut.I lost my job and had bills to pay so he used to help me with that then I put on weight as I was depressed so I never wanted to go out anywhere with him.Since we've split up I've got a new job, own business and lost weight again I'm back to the old me but my ex won't speak to me, excepty on the phone. He won't meet up with me even to talk, and for me to apologise about how selfish and ungrateful I was.He says if he meets me it will mess up his head and he doesn't love me, but I think he resents me and he's pushing me away I want to show him I've changed and i'll never take him for granted again , I know I should go r h space but its been seven months I thought maybe I should Write him a letter telling him how sorry I am and how I've changed and see him face to face x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 There is no such thing as a really good relationship that keeps going on breaks and gets stuck in a rut. They are mutually exclusive.
now you have a job (who knows how long that will last) and you've lost weight (again who knows how long that will last) and you are lonely and want him back. He does not want to be had again so you need to accept that.
If you truly love and care about him you want him happy. He is happy without you so that tells you that you need to let him go be happy without you.
A
female
reader, adviceneeded01 +, writes (4 April 2013):
I disagree with the other two actually, I think you should go for it, its been 6 months and you still want him, you were together for 3 years, that means alot.
But make sure you really have changed, and if it does work out, dont go back to the old you, you clearly love him, dont lose him again if you do get back together.
Goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): "I want to show him I've changed and i'll never take him for granted again"
Sorry OP but that's bullshit and I wouldn't be as gullible as to believe you either.
Getting a job and losing weight are only very minor, superficial changes. You're still the woman you always were because people don't change in 6 months OP.
What happens if you again weight or lose your job? Your happiness will plummet again and you'll be the same as you were before.
He's done with you OP, move on. Don't for one second kid yourself into thinking you've changed OP. Weight can be gained, jobs can be lost and you're still the woman you were with him the only difference now is your circumstances have changed. The fact you don't see that and the fact you won't respect his wishes to leave him alone tells me nothing has changed and you're still the woman who wants what she wants and still the woman who will dump him on a whim any time she feels like it.
He's asked you to stop messing with his head and yet here you are asking us how you can keep doing that?
let him go if you love him, free him from the burden of having you not let him go.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (4 April 2013):
 The last thing you need to do is keep chasing a man who has made it clear he doesn't want to see or date you ever again.
The big changes you refer to are superficial anyway. Worthy accomplishments, to be sure, but they are what's on the outside. Someone who had really changed would have seen this break up, not as a failed relationship but a life experience and would have moved on by now. Inside, you're still in the same place you were when he broke up with you.
I don't recommend a letter or any more contact for that matter. Your ex has made his decision, a fair and reasonable one for him, and you must learn to accept that.
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