A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys im really confused and in a place where i require some sort of guidance at the moment, I'm thinking of sending this to a friend who lives in Victoria (I live in Western Australia) and we've known each other for six years whereas she hasn't even known her boyfriend for half that time.I'm not looking for a relationship with this girl, only friendship.Dear ----I'm sorry but I am now officially cutting all ties with you, I think its great that you're now allowed to talk to other guys but I thought we were like best friends considering ive known you for almost 6 years now, but even when i lost contact with you because of me having a new phone and you deleting facebook not once did you ever send me a text asking how i was going and just the other day when i asked if you were going to deactivate your facebook again your reply was "I think I will because I have it for the wrong reasons like I just have it to "keep up with what's going on" not to actually keep Intouch with people" so how i basically felt was that you didnt really want to keep in touch with me anyway.Also last time we spoke on the phone and i asked you about going to victoria and you said it would be alright as long as ---- came along as well. Which i was cool with because in all honesty as long as i got to hang out with you after knowing you for such a long time is good enough for me, but this time when i mention it you say its not a good idea because yous are both uncomfortable with each other seeing the opposite sex, well fair enough thats your relationship and i respect that but i personally think its bullshit and very old-school.how can you not have enough trust within your relationship to let each other see friends of the opposite sex... fair enough you may not trust the other person but isnt all that matters is if you trust each other? And are you just suddenly meant to stop seeing all previous male friends you had just because youre in a serious relationship? (how i see this is youre ditching male friends youve had for a while just so a relationship with 1 guy can run smoothly ~ no offence to ---- because im sure hes a nice guy and everything). ---- and i have been together for 2 years and yet we still keep in contact with previous friends of the opposite sex, personally i could understand if you didnt want to meet a guy youve only been talking to for 2 weeks or something but to actually turn someone down who youve known for 6 years, someone who was there for you when your mother passed away, someone who was there when you had go through all the crap with previous boyfriends and someone who has never once let you down. I just feel like i dont mean anything to you anymore and it really hurts me hence why i think its better that i cut all ties now because i can honestly see you and ---- going back down the same path and making the agreement that you arent even able to talk to the opposite sex and if that happens again i just wont be able to deal with it alongside my depression and saying goodbye like this is just easier for me but still extremely hard, i just felt the need to voice my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013): So you completely ignored what everyone said and sent it anyway? Big mistake. You've probably freaked her out and are coming across as slightly stalkerish.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013): Hi guys this is the guy who had the problem. i changed the letter a bit iand i appreciate all your help, things look like they might get better. here is the letter i sent (minus names) and her reply.Dear BriannaI'm sorry but I need to tell you how i feel, I think its great that you're now allowed to talk to other guys but I thought we were like best friends considering ive known you for almost 6 years now, but even when i lost contact with you because of me having a new phone and you deleting facebook not once did you ever send me a text asking how i was going and just the other day when i asked if you were going to deactivate your facebook again your reply was "I think I will because I have it for the wrong reasons like I just have it to "keep up with what's going on" not to actually keep Intouch with people" so how i basically felt was that you didnt really want to keep in touch with me anyway.Also last time we spoke on the phone and i asked you about coming to victoria and you said it would be alright as long as Rhys came along as well. Which i was cool with because in all honesty as long as i got to hang out with you after knowing you for such a long time is good enough for me, but this time when i mention it you say its not a good idea because yous are both uncomfortable with each other seeing the opposite sex, well fair enough thats your relationship but i personally think its bullshit and very old-school.how can you not have enough trust within your relationship to let each other see friends of the opposite sex... fair enough you may not trust the other person but isnt all that matters is if you trust each other? And are you just suddenly meant to stop seeing all previous male friends you had just because youre in a serious relationship? (how i see this is youre ditching male friends youve had for a while just so a relationship with 1 guy can run smoothly ~ no offence to Rhys because im sure hes a nice guy and everything).Jess and i have been together for 2 years and yet we still keep in contact with previous friends of the opposite sex, personally i could understand if you didnt want to meet a guy youve only been talking to for 2 weeks or something but to actually turn someone down who youve known for 6 years, someone who was there for you when your mother passed away, someone who was there when you had go through all the crap with previous boyfriends and someone who has never once let you down. I just feel like i dont mean anything to you anymore and it really hurts me.I can deal with not not seeing you for a few more years but not seeing any effort from your side is taking its toll on me and i dont know how much longer i can take it considering how often we used to talk back in the days of MSN and even skype. Its almost as if we went from being the best of friends looking forward to speaking to each other at the end of the day to just people who know each other and to me youre not like the other girls that i speak to that wanna hang out with me, youre my best friend who has always been there for me whenever i was having a bad day.I can honestly see you and Rhys going back down the same path and making the agreement that you arent even able to talk to the opposite sex and if that happens again i just wont be able to deal with it alongside my depression, i just find it very hard to retain a relationship where all of the communication is started by me. I'm sorry but i just felt the need to voice my opinion as im going through i really rough patch at the moment.AND HER REPLYHi ----, I do totally understand what your saying and I guess that's me and ---- relationship has developed I don't know. With the Facebook thing it had nothing to do with not wanting to keep Intouch I do I just didn't know I was going to keep it I still don't know if I am aha It's good that your so understanding and I appreciate it I will fix the one sided communication and you can always talk to me whenever you need, thanks boddle(boddle is her nickname for me)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 December 2013):
 I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou
It's a pretty bitter and petty letter.
DO not send it. Just know that she isn't worth it. Find new friends. Even if she DID start to talk to you it would be the same show every time she got a new BF.. So why bother?
YES, she should have had the BALLS to tell you my BF can't handle me having male friends so I'm going to have to not talk to you any more. BUT she didn't, which means that even 6 years of friendship couldn't have matter THAT much to her.
And PS... not allowing friendships with opposite gender IS NOT old fashioned. I'm OLD (and old fashioned) and both me and my husband have friend of the other gender and we have never had problem with that. That is more of a modern problem, same with the whole mess of FWB and F-buddies.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (21 December 2013):
 It appears to be a underlying motive to the letter. You appear upset about her choosing her relationship over friends. Its well known some time friends break break up relationships even yous know that. Im sure you are aware if that also. My advise is respect her parting time with other friends and her you time with her relationship she has with the person she don't know well thats even more reason to put long time friends on the back burner so to speak. You already have history you know each other. Also to if you not making a effort to be a friend and inviting her out whats the issue perphaps her new friends are. Some friends provide sponsorship some are takers your friend could be just busy and you cutting her off means you weren't friends anyway. It wouldnt bother me to much I understand people get busy have things going on work school family all sorts of things my issue would be if they are happy and healthy and alright in there situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013): I agree with tasteofindia, I would not send the letter you've written, it will cause unnecessary aggravation. If you want to send a letter to let her know how much you miss her as a friend, just keep it very simple and positive something along the line " I thought about you today and I wonder how you've been, it would be nice to hear from you again" !! Then wait and see how she'll respond. Good luck
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 December 2013):
 Hey there,
I personally wouldn't send this. It'll just create a bunch of drama. Are you just disappointed that you don't see this friend very much? If you want to rekindle the friendship, this is a really passive-aggressive way to do it. Why not just write her on Facebook or text and say, "hey - I really miss hanging out like we used to and I'm kind of hurt that we don't talk much anymore".
If she's cutting ties with her male friends - frankly, it's probably letters like this that encourage that decision. Keep it simple and not so emotionally charged and dramatic. And really, if you just want to cut her out of your life, just let the relationship fade - sending this letter will just keep it going and probably add more BS and drama. If you want to avoid surging your depression and making life harder, just accept that this friendship is over and put it to rest.
Good luck!
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