Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emivia  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 That's the spirit!
I hope you find happiness soon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the help. I guess saying it is an affair is a lie. I'm not really looking to find someone for a booty call. I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. I guess my "house mate" with have to deal with being just that because all of you are right I cant cheat the idea makes me sick, however I also dont deserve to be lonely. Thank you guys for making everything clearer. I have asked for attention the last two years of our relationship and the bad times out weigh the good. It is time to find someone who wants to spend time with me and not a video game.
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female
reader, ariel  + ♥, writes (17 June 2008):
 It sounds like he has given up on your relationship, hence him not being bothered what you do. Do you think having an affair is going to make everything better? It sounds vengeful, and the only person who will get hurt is you. I think its time to ask him what he wants and not if you can have an affair. My philosophy in life is that you should treat a person the way you want to be treated. Hun cheating is soul destroying .If he is not ticking your boxes end your relationship. You deserve the love you want and only you can make it happen. If you are only together for financial reasons, then become house mates and share the house costs. Then you won’t be hurting anyone in the process of finding the love you want.
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz +, writes (17 June 2008):
 From your follow-up reply it sounds like you are more his lodger rather than girlfriend. Having an "affair" isnt the right phrase for needing a real relationship rather than being stuck with some one just because he kept stalking you.
So happy hunting, hope you find a new guy, and hopefully then your ex wont be pestering you any more.
Regards
Waz
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I agree with Emivia, you should talk to him and tell him wat you need, but if that doesn't make any difference, is there any point staying with him because he doesn't sound like the guy for you.
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female
reader, Sophia_Sweetheart +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Look honey, you don't have to stay with him! If you're really that unhappy and he is really not that bothered, then maybe a break will do you both a world of good?
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female
reader, Emivia +, writes (17 June 2008):
You do not belong to him. You can do as you choose with your life... Leaving him will always be an option. Try talking to him again about what you need from him... If he refuses to meet these needs then tell him that you cannot be with him any longer.
Tell him that either the relationship improves or you have to leave it.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Here's my advice, this is stupid. And one more thing, this is stupid.
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (17 June 2008):
 I'm thinking he doesn't think you will follow through. Or if you do he will be able to blow you off and blame the break up on how you went behind his back screwing around. I don't know any guys that wouldn't have an issue with their wife/girlfriend sleeping with other men. Most of us are just kind of funny that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): if he doesnt care if you cheat i dont thinks hes your boyfriend anymore. get out of there fast, i think its over!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I have talked to my boyfriend for months about being lonely. He said that he just wants to play video games and go do whatever he wants. I told him that I wanted to have an affair and he told me to do whatever I need to do. We cant afford to actually seperate and he wouldn't let me leave him anyway. Before I moved in with him he would drive an hour to my house after I would break up with him and knock on my window and would refuse to leave until I was with him again. Since I moved in when I was financially able to leave him I went to my sister-in-laws many times and he would keep calling her and showing up at her house until I came back. Leaving isn't a real choice. The other thing is that he is completely ok with me cheating.
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female
reader, Emivia +, writes (17 June 2008):
You really shouldn't be with your boyfriend anymore... He doesn't sound like a great boyfriend, but you'd be the most horrible girlfriend if you were to cheat on him. Try talking to him about how your feeling... I don't think you should tel him you want to cheat, but you should tell him that you're feeling lonely and that you need a bit more attention.
If you do this and you're still not happy, or if you're not willing to try and fix your relationship by talking to him then you should end it.
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female
reader, NikitaDisraeli +, writes (17 June 2008):
Oh grow up. Split with your bf if you're really unhappy enough with him to want an affair. It's obviously not a viable relationship.
Poor guy.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (17 June 2008):
 i'm sorry, but you're the just worst type of person.
grow up.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (17 June 2008):
I dont think anyone here is going to give you tips on where to find a guy to have an affair with.
I understand that geting attention from your bf is a very important part of your relationship. However, if you look for that attention outside of the relationship it will not work. It will only ruin your relationship with your bf more. You may be thinking 'well if he doesnt find out, no harm done right?' Well actually yes!!! Because the fact remaains that you are not happy in the relationship and geting that attention from someone else will not take away the pain of not geting it from your bf. And hoenstly, most people are good at suspecting it when their partners cheat.
And what about self respect? And respect for your bf? Dont you have that? Think about how you will feel after. Ashamed and guilty I bet...well I hope so anyway, any decent person would.
Here are your options...
Leave your bf now and find some new guy to give you attention. OR you can stay with your bf, do not cheat and WOKR ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP! If you love him then I would think you would take this choice.
Calmly approach him and tell him how you feel. Careful not to place blame though. Tell him what you need and want out of the relationship and ask him what he needs and wants. Talk about any problems he sees in the realtionship and ask for an explanation as to his behvaiour of not giving you much attention. Has it always been like this? Or just recently?
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (17 June 2008):
If you are sufficiently dispassionate and disgruntled you will project this and men will find you. They will be the kind of guy that at first blush will be every thing you thought you ever wanted out of a man. But if they stick around long enough for you to see behind the facade they will use to get you into bed, you will probably end the relationship and take a day long shower in an attempt to wash their superficial sociopathic sleaze off yourself. If you didn't get yanked so far out of whack that you dumped your boyfriend, you might quietly work things out with him. And hope he never finds out. This of course is the extreme, but exactly what happened in my first marriage. She just had to let me know how superior her affair partner was to me in every way. So she packed her shit and went to the house he was never at, and she was never allowed to visit. Too bad his wife answered the door with their teen age daughter. Life can be good sometimes. I still can't keep a straight face as I type this and it's been ten years
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female
reader, Tremor +, writes (17 June 2008):
 What a stupid and selfish act.
If you are having enough problems with your boyfriend that you would ACTIVELY LOOK to cheat on him, then just break it off now. What will you achieve by cheating except more problems?
Silly girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): why don't you just dump him or something that will put an end to your misery. it's as simple as that.
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