A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and so is my boyfriend. We have been together since i was 13. I have always believed i should save myself for that one person...i had always known he was that one person but i was trying to wait till our honeymoon...well i didn't. At 16 i gave in... we had sex...and i LOVED it. We had sex every time we saw each other over and over again...for hours. AT 17 i went from super fit awesome body to a little jiggle in my tummy and i got THICK. I went from 135 to 155. After i gained weight we cut back to about once a week...although he loved the big ass and still called me beautiful i was extremely insecure and i just didn't feel sexy. He has ALWAYS been horny. Hes ALWAYS begging for it and i'm always making up excuses..my head hurts, i don't feel good, i'm tired...or i just pretend to be into it because i can tell its hurting his feelings. I get horny like once every two months if that. Hes ALWAYS horny so i feel extremely guilty. I love him so much and think he is the most attractive human being i've ever laid my eyes on...but he thinks its his fault...that i don't like his sex...(which is so not true he is VERY satisfying). Im only 19 i should be horny all the time...i WANT to be horny all the time. I just want to please my man so bad that i actually cry about it sometimes. Now i catch him watching porn ALL the time and just this past month he's stopped begging...its like he gave up...i really want to fix this. I want more then anything to SHOW him how much i love him and that he IS sexy. I just cant get horny. There are many reasons i feel are the cause of this. Stress, hormonal levels, insecurity, not being active and so on..but one of the big reasons is he is very sweet and treats me like a princess...but he doesn't try to romance me, he doesn't do the wooing anymore he just starts humping me like a dog saying "please baby i'm dying over here"...well that doesn't put me in the mood...his feelings are really sensitive and at times he can be insecure i don't know how to tell him that some of it IS his fault...i need lots of different advice.PLEASE HELP.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Ginseng is something that's commonly used for libido. You can find it in powdered form to make tea.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Well you guys just confirmed a lot of stuff i already knew. I was just looking for a easy way out like a herb or pill or some quick fix...but bottom line i gotta start working out. That's probably 80% of the
problem. Thanks for giving me that extra push! Just for future reference though...does anyone know of any foods or herbs...anything mostly safe and natural to help boost the libido?
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Many women don't have high sex drives and need to be romanced to get in the mood. This is quite normal!
Yes, he should romance you, but if he has no clue you should help him by giving examples of things you would like him to do, but also things that don't do it for you. Be specific.
I do fear however that if he's not someone who naturally makes you fee good in this way that it will always be difficult for you both. If his drive is naturally high, you may be mismatched and always be frustrated with each other.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (12 September 2013):
 The sex started waning when you gained weight. I strongly suggest starting regular exercise. It will boost your confidence once you start to lose weight. It will also help you deal with stress.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): You should lose the 20lb. You know you don't like that you've gained this much extra weight and it makes you insecure.its hard to feel sect and vibrant when you're insecure. So, lose the weight, do it for yourself.
Then, behave more romantic toward him. You cant expect him to be romantic to you if you don't act like that's what you want.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 September 2013):
You know what happens? When you started saying no to him all the time it made it not seem like it would matter if he romanced you or not; at the end of the day you'd say no. So he probably figures he should just ask since it's a lot less work.
How about you initiate romance, even if you don't feel like it, and show him that you're interested in being intimate again.
And I know you didn't ask about it, but if being 20 pounds and "inactive" is your problem, than you should start working out.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Definitely have a sit-down and tell him everything you've told us--that you are completely aware of how your sex life has turned, how you are very sensitive to his needs and are sorry you aren't fulfilling it, but you don't want to ruin a great relationship and think you both need to work together to get back to what you once had. Tell him what he can do to be supportive to encourage the romance/sex. I think because your self-esteem has dropped with the gain of weight, join a gym class--it'll give you energy, confidence, and both of those will make you want to get busy a lot more. If you think you need to, consider doing spicier things (dress up, new toys) or making sure that you make time in your schedule for sexy time.
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