A
male
age
26-29,
*sian_mamba14
writes:I want to get back with my ex. I'm now a senior and shes a junior. We got together first back in February of last year. Dated for 3 months, had amazing memories, but by the third month, we had already begin to get physical and had oral sex quite a bit. Also, I had kissed another girl on the forehead. She left me in haste soon after we attempted to have sex. She consented, but broke down and fell into tears right before it was to happen. We were each other's firsts for everything else. We immediately stopped and I just laid there hugging and holding her while she cried her eyes out. She left me about a week later. She did everything possible for the next 7 months leading till about a month or so ago, to get everything reminding her of me out of her life. She never wanted to talk with me or see me again.We got started talking again about a week or two ago and the last week and till now, we have spent almost every waking out texting or facetiming. Our conversations are fun loving, friendly and quite humorous. Its much like right before we had dated. We both do flirt a lot and I truly do love her. I've changed my ways and done my best to become a better man. She had said long ago she never would let me into her life again. Now, she says she's coming to trust me again, but doesn't want to date till she graduates. Odds are we wont be going to the same college. Her parents really want me to be with her. She said that she sees how much I want to be with her again, but she's not sure how she feels. We are going out for coffee on Wednesday to talk some moreWhat do I do now?? How do I get her to fall for me again??
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (7 January 2014):
 youwish is right. and where you go from here is to just relax and go with the flow. let her call the shots. don't pressure her in any way - at all. be her friend and eventually let it develop on its own. talk to her, hang out with her, be her friend, etc. when the time is right to ask her out again, you will know and feel it. but if you push at all before that appropriate time, you will most likely lose her for good.
ultimately, the reason she left you was because she felt as if she was getting in over her head and was obligated to do things her body and mind weren't ready to do. in order to prevent that from happening again, the only crystal clear thing to suggest now is to be a super gentleman and not try anything sexual for a long while. let it all be her idea when she is ready. you say you have no issue in doing this, so that's what i suggest doing. be completely patient and gentlemanly. don't pressure her for anything other than being a good friend to her at the moment. she will let you know when she is ready for more again.
good luck.
A
male
reader, asian_mamba14 +, writes (7 January 2014):
asian_mamba14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@youwish
I coulsdcare less about anything physical, including any form of sex.
I want her back in my life more than anything. I care about her immensely.
I just dont know where to go from here
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 January 2014):
 If that is the scope of your transgressions, and the real emotional outburst happened because of your attempt at your first sexual encounter, then your odds are tenuous in regards to getting back with her.
One thing is for sure - she is not ready for sex, no way, no how. She's resisting you because she thinks you're all about sex, right down to the kissing another girl on the forehead, the mountains of oral sex, and the encounter itself that ultimately terrified her.
What you have going for you is that she does have feelings for you. You may not want to hear this, but if you want to be with her, you have to go celibate. This means no more pushing for the encounters, and back off of the oral sex. You have to have her trust that you won't make any sort of move on her. Instead of whipping it out and all this sexual activity, back off and follow her lead on anything physical.
And even if she does get physical, lay back and don't take more than she's willing to give. Don't touch her chest until she puts your hand there. It will take a massive amount of self-control on your part to convince her that you're to be trusted and not about sex.
In fact, don't come on too strong. In fact, add just a tiny bit of distance into how you interact with her. Don't talk about how much you want her back. Her saying she doesn't want to date isn't true - but she doesn't want to date you only to have it ending up with genitals. Women tend to avoid dating if it *has* to end up physical and they feel obligated or pressured. That makes them feel like a means to an end.
Now, you may find out that you don't want to be celibate. In that case, she isn't the one for you, and best meet her tomorrow, tell her you respect how she feels, and wish her the best in life.
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A
male
reader, asian_mamba14 +, writes (7 January 2014):
asian_mamba14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe never told me why she left me.She told me to stop once, and I said "its okay. Dont worry" and I continued, but then she used her hand to cover "herself" and said 'please, dont'. And I backed off and she started to cry then. I just held her in my arms for a long time. Vwe were both 16The only difference is now is that I've matured and have changed the type of man I am and who I want to be. My whole mentality has changed. She promised herself to never let me in because I hurt her really badly and she didn't want to experience that again.While her and I dated, that kiss on the forehead was the only thing I did with another female.Since we broke up though, I have gone out witha few other girls, but it never went past making out. I haven't been seeing anyone for at least a month or so
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 January 2014):
 She already said she doesn't WANT to date til after she graduate. SHE is a junior, so why try and "force" the issue. Why not just accept that she isn't ready for that, but she could be for a friendship? So keep sex, sexual stuff of ANY kind out of it and be her friend.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 January 2014):
Why did she leave you?? Was it just because of you kissing another girl on the forehead, or was it something else?
The first time sex attempt - was she simply not ready for sex, or did she tell you to stop and you didn't stop right away until she got emotional? If you are 17 and she is 16, did this sex thing happen when she was 15? That is too young to be getting sexual, and from what you've described, if you two were having a lot of oral sex by the time you were 3 months in, it's no wonder she got nervous.
I get that at your age, your hormones are raging off the hook, but there was a time in your relationship that the relationship stopped being more important, and it was constant sex non-stop. Every time you saw her, you were dropping pants, and the emotional connection and other activities fell by the wayside. She was probably overwhelmed, and add to that you touching other women, all she saw was someone out for sex, and it was too much at her age.
So what's different now? What made her promise to never let you into her life? What did you do besides kiss someone else on the forehead?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): You're part of the way there. Just give her time take it slowly and let things develop naturally. She probably considers your previous relationship faltered because you were both too young. Which you were.Use your new found maturity to show her that you can be a good boyfriend. If she's special to you, you won't mind waiting until she's ready.
Good luck
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