A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want my ex boyfriend back , when i first met my ex there was something special there and i felt so comfortable with him as tho i had known him years . But after our first meet he kept cancelling we had a break and decided to try again but again he let me down ,( i found out reasons why he let me down so no theres no other woman no dodgyness ) This time i had a real go at him because the way he was acting was as if we had seen each other loads and it didnt matter than he was cancelling that night. He said he doesnt think we will be more than friends. he said hes very set in his ways , personally i think hes scared to get into a deep relationship ( i know some ex's have been quite bad to him ) . Im not perfect no-one is but ive been so flexi and fit in with this guy so much its been 3 months since we split . I'm not settling for 2nd best either we did have lots of plans for the future which havent happened ive had a couple of dates with other guys but nothing came of them , not from lack of trying from my side. Sometimes you just know when its ment to be what can i do to show him im not the same as his ex's and to take a real chance on me ?
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a break, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Little Heart  +, writes (11 June 2016):
Maybe try asking how he feels. We know how you feel, but does he feel the same way?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 June 2016):
 I'm sorry OP but based on what you wrote you have NO SHOT IN HELL of getting "back" with this guy.
WHILE YOU were with HIM. HE was NEVER with YOU.
You feel a way HE DOES NOT and you can't make him feel what YOU WANT him to feel.
You need to respect that and let him go. He was never yours.
He NEVER felt about you the way you want him to and you are looking at things through your eyes which are in love with a guy or the potential of a guy who does NOT (and clearly never has) returned your feelings.
let it go.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 I am not sure that I understood correctly but if you mean that you only met him once and then he started immediately pulling back, cancelling and making excuses, then he wasn't actualy your boyfriend, was he ?
He was, worst case scenario, a scammer. Lots of people, alas, can switch on the charm and put their best foor forward to get a night of intimacy or just for the ego stroke of a conquest.
Best case scenario, he was somewhat interested, but he realized that he was not into you enough to give you the attention, effort and time that you'd require. He should have told you at once, rather than stringing you along , but you know how it is : it is difficult to be rejected, but for many people it is also difficult to reject others.
Even if your guess is correct , though, ( that he is just scared of something deep) I'd let go anyway. It's not your job to convince him that you are good enough for him or that you are better than his exes. If he really has this kind of insecurities and emotional blocks, it's up to him to fix them so he can date and offer himself as an emotionally whole and available person.
Don't take on fixer-uppers. They are often more work than they are worth , and the effort they force you into is more than the reward you get .
Maybe mine is an unromantic view, but I feel that if something is " meant to be ", it's in fact the flow, the ease, the naturalness with which things progress that would show it's meant to be.
If there's so much sweat and strife and push and pull at the very beginning,... personally I'd take it as a sign that it was not meant to be.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 This isn't a relationship. He just isn't into you but seems like he doesn't want to tell you straight.
You need to let him go and move on.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 Did you only meet one time? Is that because it's a long distance relationship? I think if he cancels after one date then it can't even be called a relationship. I see that this relationship lasted for several months and that besides that first date your contact has been online or on the phone. He didn't cancel because he suspected you could be like his exes. Maybe he's still getting over his ex and was desperately looking for a rebound date. People tend to idealize others from faraway, hard to get because of the distance. You would find that it's easier to confide in a stranger than people you plan to be with long term. You would make the most of your time together, if you can't meet frequently, if at all. I hope you are not holding on to the feeling you got from the first meeting. I get that you put a lot of effort into getting to know him. There's a lot of anticipation built up and it's hard to let go of your dream to be with him. But I have to say you don't know him very well if face to face contact was just that one time. You fell in love with the version of him that's in your mind. In reality, I find people who are stuck in the past to be annoying, and time wasting.
You have to let go of him first if you want success in your new dates. If it's meant to be, it would happen whether you try hard or not. I won't be interested in someone I have to convince that I am not like their exes. It's been 3 months. You can certainly move on from this. Be more patient and not expect every meeting with a new guy to have that intense soulmate feeling, or to be talking about the future right away. People who have plans for the future, after only meeting one time, are full of fluff. It takes time to get to know a person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 June 2016):
 I don't think you can "make" him see that you are as good fit as you feel/think you are.
My advice get on with your life, don't date a while but develop a life YOU can feel happy and fulfilled with. I tell you why. Because THAT makes a person attractive. Someone who rests in themselves attracts other people LIKE that, people who WANT a partner who will BE a good partner.
The guy you dated is UNWILLING to date. Whether it's just YOU he doesn't want to date, or ANYONE doesn't matter. And guess what HE is the one who will regret it later on that he let those exes determine the rest of his life.
Now, don't YOU be stuck on him and find yourself 12-36 months from now STILL being stuck and upset that you wasted ALL that time NOT living your life.
You have ONE life to live, make it count, make it a GOOD one. The best YOU can make it, not others can make it.
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