A
female
age
26-29,
*oDoneOMFG
writes:So heres my problem, Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together. For the last 6 months, I havent been happy in life or in our relationship. I keep trying to convince myself to leave, but then I convince myself to stay, and its just an endless rollercoaster of stress and heartache. I have decided I want to leave. But for good reasons, I dont know when (or still, if) I want to go. My boyfriend and I lost our chemistry a long time ago (im not attracted to him in any way anymore), but I know hes still very attatched to me.His friends always told him that I was too young and "when she turns 18 she'll leave you and will be laughing with us". They've never treated me niceley because im 2 years younger, theyve bullied and belittled me since I got in the picture. Ive been bullied enough my whole life, I dont need it from my partners friends too.. Im so drained emotionally and physically that im starting to hate myself again, and the fact that I want to break up with him makes me hate myself more. I know I have to leave though, I hate sex with him, but when I say no he gets mad and mopes around. When we get in an argument, or he says or does something that hurts me on more than one level, e freaks out and never takes any blame, he turns everything around and makes it about him. I dont want to prove his friends right by breaking up with him, and I dont want to hurt him.. Im stuck in a one sided relationship with someone who goes out of his way to hurt me on a daily basis (emotionally/psycologically). Someone please help, i honestly dont know what to do. P.S. He is 25 with two kids hes not allowed to see and cant pay for. He parties a lot and is very very childish.
View related questions:
bullied Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (16 June 2016):
 You should not concern yourself about him harming himself. That is his concern and his issue. You aren't responsible for his choices. You are responsible for your choices and a choice you need to make is to leave so that your life can be good. In fact, your fear that he might hurt himself is one more reason for you to go away and be safe because if he is unable to respect his own body he sure will never respect yours. Everyone needs to stay away from such people for their own good. Use some of those links Honeypie gave you and move quickly.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 June 2016):
 You do know that you have NO control over what he chooses to do, right? That staying with him won't guarantee he won't self-harm or harm you.
I would advice you leave. IF you fear he will hurt himself, then contact the police.
If you fear he will harm you, that is scary too. But staying out of FEAR is more likely to get you hurt than leaving.
I have added some link with info to help you keep safe while you exit this.
http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2014/01/why-cant-i-leave-abuse/
http://thesinglemother.com/how-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship/
http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/leaving-an-abusive-relationship-stages-women-go-through/
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/sandra-hawken-diaz/domestic-abuse_b_5913662.html
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/fv-vf/help-aide.html
...............................
A
female
reader, SoDoneOMFG +, writes (16 June 2016):
SoDoneOMFG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm afraid he might hurt himself if I leave, its so hard for me to just up and go. Ive known him for 6 years, we live in a small town, all his friends ditched him because they dont like me. Ive been talking to my mom about all of this, and she says hes "grooming" me so i feel dependant and wont leave. Im not worried about myself in this situation, im worried about what'll happen to him. Ive always been like that, put others before myself (even if they treat me like trash) i just dont want to hurt him, but if i stay im being hurt. People have been going up to my sister at work and telling her all sorts of terrible things he has done when he gets broken up with (although she wont tell me exactly what he does) and they beg her to inform me so im "prepared". Im scared hes going to hurt me or himself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2016): Your mistake is to think you are stuck. You aren't. You are just confused. You could leave him tomorrow if you simply made that decision. Drop the idea that he has any control over you or what you do and take control of your own life back.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (9 June 2016):
 It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks if you are unhappy then you need to get out. That's all there is to that. I am not going to lecture you but I think you realize that you moved in together waaaay too soon. I made that mistake when I was 19 and got married after only knowing the guy for 3 months. Let's just say it ended badly. There is just no way you can fully know someone after a few short weeks/months together.
You are unhappy and are questioning yourself. Why stay? If you aren't happy after just a few months, then you already know its not going to work, so end things. Please take the other aunts advice, clear yourself of whatever commitments you may have (taking yourself off the lease, the bills, etc). Make sure you have a safe place to go. If you are worried about this guy's behavior in any way shape or form then move out WHILE he is gone, ask friends to be there or call the police if you are afraid of his actions.
Get away sweetie..being with someone isn't supposed to make you unhappy. He's not the right guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 It's not about proving people right or wrong OP, this is your life and you're compromising your happiness by being with this guy. You have got to decide that once and for all you're leaving and it has to be some time soon or you'll be stuck in an unhappy relationship for that much longer. Life is too short to be stuck in a bad relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 June 2016):
Do you have a place to go?
Are you on the lease? The utility bills?
If you HAVE a place to go (even if it's temporarily) and you are NOT on the lease and bills - pack your stuff when he is out partying and get out.
If you ARE on the lease, get your name removed BEFORE leaving, unless the place is in your name, then you might have to go file for an eviction (to kick him out). Not sure how it works in Canada. Same with the utility bills. REMOVE your name.
If he has had access to your bank details... Change them.
Honey, you are IN a toxic relationship. It doesn't MATTER what his friends think, they are NOT dating you OR him. You aren't happy - get out. Don't stay in a crappy relationship to PROVE someone right or wrong.
And staying with him IS NOT how you "don't" hurt him. You heart is in it, you don't enjoy the sex, his friend abuse you verbally and he ... does nothing.
You know the relationship is no good. Stop beating the dead horse and get out. FIND your happiness.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 "Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since October (9 months) and have lived with him for 8 months. We are always together" - problem number 1. You moved in about 8+ months too soon. There's no solid foundation or evidence that you're good together.
For 6 of 9 months, you've been unhappy. For only 2 months worth of happiness, you've stayed for 3 times that of unhappiness. You're practically torturing yourself. You should leave - not think about it, just do it.
"He is 25 with two kids hes not allowed to see and cant pay for. He parties a lot and is very very childish" - never be with someone like this.
You're young and you've made the mistake of moving in too soon, with a nasty piece of work who doesn't really give a crap about you. If he was attached, he wouldn't hurt you and he wouldn't mope or get mad when you don't want sex. You're convincing yourself not to leave, even though you have every reason to and no reason not to.
Please don't move in with anyone before 9 months and please don't date guys who have "bad news" written all over them. Move out, break up and take some time away from dating to move on, regain your confidence and rethink what you want from a guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (8 June 2016):
Your life is not about proving someone wrong or right. That is called spite. So why do you spite yourself, on top of the insults that you are already getting. Therefore, what his friends think or what he, at this point thinks, is irrelevant.
Pack up your belongings when he is not around and drive away from him and his friends. Go no contact, and stay no contact. Don't date for some time until you get yourself situated and stable. Let time erase him from your experience ... and becomes easier.
Solution is simple but you got to let go of your spite about proving his friends wrong that you stigmatize yourself with. Go after your own best interest ASAP.
...............................
|
