A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been seeing my man for a year now we tell each other we love every day Unfortunately due to our work commitments we only see each other every other weekend and sometimes once in the weekMy problem is he lives with his 2 daughters who are both in their 20s in the year we have been seeing each other I have never met any of his family or even been to his house my friends keep asking if I've met them yet, when I question him about it he's says they are moody and very protective of their mum who he is separated from I love him very much but want more from our relationship then I'm getting at the moment Do you think I should just wait and see what happens or call it a day Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): I have a different take on the situation than some of the other Aunts, probably because I have been in a similar situation.I did not introduce my children to my girlfriend for a few years after the divorce because I was afraid they would resent me for what they perceived to be replacing their mom. Of course, mine were younger (teenagers) but as a father of girls I was extremely worried that seeing dad with another woman would cause them pain and possibly distance them from me. How much do you know about his life and children? Are you ever at his house when his children are gone? Does he talk to you about what is going on with them? Are you open in other areas as long as the children aren't around? In other words, does he hide you from everybody or just his children?If it's just protecting the children then give it some time. On the other hand, if you are always hiding, such as when going out, etc., or he won't introduce you to others in his life such as friends or co-workers, then I would be more concerned.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 Call it a day.
if after a year you are not yet integrated into his daily life you are just a little something something on the side.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 May 2014):
 One Separated Man + living with 2 Moody protective Daughters + Never met any of his family + Never been to his house a year later = CLOSET GIRLFRIEND
You are being kept in the dark like a mushroom and fed BS; been there done that – Call it a day. It sounds like it would be all too dramatic if the truth be known to his ADULT children, his Ex-Wife and family… Honesty is the best policy from the beginning, but not in his case. Ask yourself or him WHY?
Other Aunts and Uncles have hit the nail on the head
Take Care – CAA
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male
reader, methuselah +, writes (3 May 2014):
Hello,
I do sympathize. It seems he has you as his secret at the moment. Also, he doesn't look as if he is going to change things any time soon. I dated a lady in her 40's (47) and after around a month, I had been invited to meet her daughter and her two sons. For me, that was normal because she had obviously been telling them about her new boyfriend and they all wanted to meet me. That's normal. We had lunch together, enjoyed time together. (we are now married)
Ask yourself, is your situation odd? Or, does it feel strange that he hasn't brought you into the family picture?
I think you may need to bring your thoughts to him about this and then see what he says.
For me, your situation just seems odd.
Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): Is this man legally divorced, or just separated? How long?
If just separated; maybe he's just waiting his wife out hoping she will not take him through a divorce. That would technically make you the other woman. I suspect you are purposely leaving these most important details unclear.
I will give you benefit of the doubt, and assume he is only legally separated; pending a divorce.
I think you both should sit down together; and you should discuss exactly what you have come to DearCupid for. Just to add some reality. Newly divorced-men rarely jump into new marriages or serious commitments after a strenuous legal battle through a divorce. Realistically; just how much more are you expecting?
Does he really love you, or is it something he echos back after you say it first? Are you in a committed exclusive relationship; or are you just dating? Even if you're only dating; you should have met his family by now.
A year is enough time to determine if a commitment is established; and part of commitment is inviting you into his world. Weaving you into the fabric of his life. That includes meeting his family and children. He should be honest and transparent. Proud to show you off.
How can you form a true bond with a man who separates you from those he loves? Aren't you supposed to be in the center of that circle as his girlfriend?
You see little of him; because he only wants to see you when he wants female companionship. You say it's your work schedules. That contradicts any practicality in wanting more; when your busy schedules don't allow it.
He limits your access to his family, and gives you lame excuses that you have accepted far too easily all this time. You deserve to know more about his character, true marital-status, and background. In order to know where you are attaching your feelings; and if you are justified in doing so. How can trust be established; when all you know about him, is that he shows up once a week? I think he's hiding something. Perhaps he still lives with his estranged wife!
Are you sure it's not just for the sex? Are you knowingly dating a married-man?
What are his daughters protecting their mother from?
Parents protect their children; not the other way around.
If his (ex-)wife(?) has issues about him having relationships with other women; sounds like an unresolved issue. Otherwise; none of this is any of her business. He's a bit old to be yielding to the will of his two daughters standing like century guards at the gate; allowing no one past a certain point, unless they approve. Who are you, some dirty little secret?
Who's the father and parent in this situation? The roles of parent and child are in reverse here. They are grown women, not little kids. His (ex-)wife(?) has nothing to do with any of this. Unless she is not legally separated, and refusing to grant him a divorce. Otherwise; she should be minding her own business; as should his daughters. Who should be out on their own, living their own lives. Not holding their father hostage, under emotional-blackmail. Keeping him from moving on with his life; because they don't approve of his divorcing their mother.
Unless the mother/(ex-)wife(?) still lives in his house!
In all honesty, I think he is using his daughters as a scapegoat. I think he is trying to keep you at a comfortable-distance with an expiration-date; possibly with the intent to end it when he feels too pressured. It would be a clean break.
I think what you're getting, is all he wants from you!
He keeps everything right where it is, and he controls the pace and the distance the relationship progresses. You seem to have little say. Prepare yourself emotionally. You may want more; but this may be all you're going to get.
Have that talk. Set a time-table you will allow to be introduced to his family. Make it clear what you are looking for and expect in order for your relationship to move forward. You have that right. You have put aside time in your life to allow him in. You have been exclusive.
I truly feel you are being too cautious, fearing you'll scare him off. If he really had strong feelings for you; you would have met his family shortly after you met each other. I would consider it a red-flag to know that his (ex-)wife(?) and daughters run his life. Where would you fit in?
Be emotionally and mentally-prepared to dump him.
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