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I want child number 5 but hubby says he is done!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Pregnancy, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2018)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have 4 children with my husband, 2 have not been planned and 2 have. He’s been indicating ‘no more’ since our second. Our third child we were using condoms and he didn’t use a condom one time which resulted in the third child. Being the complete accident I made an appointment to abort despite knowing I’d hate to have one but I felt embarrassed we’d put ourself in that situation and our second was only a few months old, the day before the scheduled procedure my husband told me he felt like it was my decision and he didn’t know how he’d feel if I went through with it. I didn’t go to the abortion appointment and felt great relief he didn’t want to abort like I didn’t. I wanted to try for a forth and he eventually was on board and agreed.

Now baby 4 is almost a year old and I will be stopping breastfeeding soon I have told my husband I would like another. We agreed to 5 or 6 children, he pays the bills and I pay for anything the children need so it isn’t a money issue or space issue as his outgoings won’t change. He says he is done but has stopped pulling out, he knows that I’m not on contraception and that I don’t plan to start taking any.

Is it wrong to go with the flow or should I bring to attention that he is risking another pregnancy? Each of our children he has been happy about wether planned or not.

View related questions: abortion, condom, money

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2018):

Please don’t take this the wrong way: why do you “need” more children? Overpopulation and lack of resources are a huge problem and it’s affecting younger generations constantly. The more children you (and everyone else) have, the more likely it is that they will struggle and the overall situation will keep getting worse.

I know this sounds harsh, but a lot of people don’t think about the housing crisis, lack of jobs, etc. when choosing how many children they add to the world. You may be able to afford them now, but will you when they’re all adults who can’t afford basic necessities, are struggling to find a job and housing when there are so many applicants for everything? You adding 5 children won’t matter to you, but 100 families in your area doing that will mean 500 more teenagers looking for work. That doesn’t include the hundreds of families that had 3 or 4 children, 6+ children, etc.

Perhaps you could consider adoption or be happy sticking with 4 children? Especially as your husband didn’t really want any more past 2! Leaving it to chance is also a bad idea. Please reconsider, OP, and definitely use contraception until you’re *both* 100% sure on having another child.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntIf he is not wanting any more children then you both really need to sit down and talk like adults. Leaving it up to fate might not be a good idea if you fall pregnant and he wants an abortion. These things need to be spoke about properly. Yes what he is doing is silly, but it takes two to be intimate. So honestly I think you both need to sit down and have a long chat.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI think you two should use birth-control until you are FULLY agreed on the number of kids.

One thing is to SAY I'm OK with 5-6 kids.. another is to have kids and not wanting any more.

Don't you think 4 is plenty? I have 3 kids and there were DEFINITELY days where I felt I was spreading myself to thinly on 3 kids.

Be on the same page. I think it's a little fool-hearted of you BOTH to not make SURE you don't have kids until you BOTH want more.

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