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I want a baby but my mum would kill me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 October 2007) 24 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *hloe.c writes:

I want a baby but im only 15. I'm not sure if my bf wants one but i think he does but i no if i get pergent my mum would kill me so what should i do???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008):

I'm sorry but 15 is not old enough for a child. You haven't had a childhood, you haven't experienced life. Wait at least until you've had a few irresponsible years of being able to go drinking and dancing in a club with your friends, drive your car with music blaring, sit in a pub having a heart to heart with your best mate. By having a child now your denying yourself any of this. Also how will you surport this child, you cant have a full time job at 15. You will have to live off benefits for god knows how long, you'll never get a real education, never have a career, always be stuck in a dead end job for the rest of you life. Is that truly what you want, at the end of the day you'll do what you want anyway and you wont listen to what anyone says but im just asking you 2 think about everything you'll neva do and just think whether you'll feel like you missed out at all.

At the end of the day im 18 and im pregnant, my boyfriend and myself have only been together for 2 months and he goes to uni in wales and I live in the south odf England. I work fulltime and he works part time, but I have experienced everything I wished to, although this is all happening earlier than I would have liked. I wish I could have waited, I wish this could have happened in a couple of years time. But now bubbs is inside me growing I wouldnt change it for the world. I love my boyfriend and I love our baby. I have been clubbing, I have a drivers license and I have a job, I have a mature partner, I have family surport. Do you have all of these things if any. Just make sure not all your reasons for wanting this baby at your age arent purely selfish, can you truly give a baby the life it needs.

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A female reader, samsmommy United States +, writes (2 October 2008):

samsmommy agony aunti had a baby when i was 17 and it is so not as glamorous as hollywood makes it look.

when i had my son and the nurses brought him to me in my hospital room they left him with me and all they said was if you get tired or want to take a shower just call us and we'll come get him. i had never changed a diaper in my life and i had never fed or burped a baby i was so completely clueless i had to call a nurse in to help me.

Not to mention when i got home that day he cried for HOURS that night i had no idea what to do i thought i did something wrong.

I was sleep deprived, starving all the time because i never even got a chance to make a sandwich, and i was broke because i spent so much money on formula and diapers.

Not that this would happen to everybody but i lost my job when my son was around 4 months old and on top of that my car broke down and was going to cost me $1,650.00 to fix it. i didnt even have 1 dollar. i would have to call up one of my friends and ask them to pick me up and take me to the store just so i could get formula or diapers for my baby. i had to schedule doctor appointments on my moms day off so i could borrow her car and i had to pay her back for gas.

i was so blessed to be able to finish high school and get my diploma. hopefully i will be able to go to college, but it will have to be online and i have to get a scholarship. that's very difficult even though i have a 4.0 GPA scholarships are hard to come by so if you're thinking about having a kid you're most likely going to be working at mcdonald's or not working at all.

it is so difficult to raise a child it has taken me 30 min to even write this because i'm doing a million things at once and by the way nothing i'm doing has anything to do with me, it's all for my son.

so i hope anyone reading this whole essay i wrote here realizes that being a mom really is the hardest job in the world.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

im not telling to go for it because i know that it is so hard to take care of a baby. I am 16 and i have a nephew which i keep most of the time so i am like his 2nd mommy and it is so hard to keep up with everthing i need to do and take care of him.. but if u really wntd a baby b4 u get preg try and find a babysitting job for a baby to see if u can really handle a kid... not only will u see how it is to take care of a kid but u will have some money to which if u get a kid of ur own money is a big thing i only keep my nephew bout 80% of the time and i buy clothes and dippars and i am broke so when i dont have him i work and school tht it.. u have to think what if the dad leaves u think hard bout tht cuz it suckx if u dnt have help so makin sure ur ready and money is the two main things hope i helped. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

Hey

i know this anit very good advice but

if you want a baby go for at 16 or above hun but if you want a baby that badly go for it im sure your mother wil understand.

Im 14 15 in september and i feel the same way

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007):

hi there I'm so glad I'm not the only 1 I'm 15 and reli want a baby 2 I dnt reli no y but I feel like I reli need 1 mi family dnt no but at the end of the day its our body n if we wnt children yun den we shud gd luck 4 de future hun frm annie

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007):

hi!! im 15 i would love to have a baby but i want to do all my studies aswell so... im just going to wait till i finish my studies then if i still feel the same i will try and get pregnant i also have a boyfriend hes also 15 and sais that if i ever get pregnant he would stand next to me in every moment i hope you think and choose the right thing to do ok well bye good luck!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007):

hey huni....

im 15, and i feel exactly the same way as u do..

i am in a good relationship with my boyfriend and recently been talking about having a baby... he is 19 and very keen.

He said he'd stick by me and help me through it all and help pay for the baby!

hes in a good job and can afford it...

i do want one but on the other hand im not sure!

xx gd luck xx

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A female reader, niki0 United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2007):

you are way to young to have a baby you got your whole life ahead of you i had a baby when i was 17 and it was really hard my family supported me through it if it had not been for them i would have struggled so bad a baby is a huge responsability and will take up every hour god sends trust me enjoy your teenage years coz trust me they fly by please think about my advice x

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A female reader, xxbaybeegal United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2007):

xxbaybeegal agony auntthere are a lot of things to consider before you can even say you want to have a baby, will the dad be responsible, will you have enough money to feed and look after this baby, will you make it college/uni

maybe you should wait until you have a husband then consider a baby

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A female reader, chloe.c United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2007):

chloe.c is verified as being by the original poster of the question

fankoo everyone you have all really helped me well apart from some because they just made me feel like i was just a kid but fankoo everyone

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I am 26 with a 6 month old baby. Trust me, you don't want one. I can't even work anymore because daycare is at least $200.00 a WEEK and I only made about that much a week at my job. I have a husband to support me, and I am even saying don't have a baby..you are in an even worse situation. You have no man and you haven't even finished school. If you honestly think a 15 year old boy is going to be happy to learn he's a daddy, you're way off honey. There are 30 year old men who still aren't ready. I am with my baby 24/7. That is what they require, and not just for a couple months, or years. Until they are old enough to stay home alone. We're talking at least 10 years of your life, being with this child 24/7. And don't expect your mom to raise your child. That isn't her responsibility. Wait until you have a career established and a husband. Don't be selfish. Think about your baby's future..not just your temporary wants.

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A female reader, dazzleberry United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2007):

dazzleberry agony auntAlthough motherhood is a beautiful thing, it is also the hardest job ever, even for a financialy stable family. If you and your boyfriend are serious about each other (which you should be if your considering a baby) what's the rush give yourself time to grow together as a couple, any child brought into this world deserves to be given anything it needs from it's parents who are both mentaly, physically and financially prepared. Take time out and get yourself a good education, carrer and home, then you'll can be in a posistion to have as many children as you like. belive me, your future children will both apprieciate and respect your decision. you asked for advice please take it.

Shine on, Dazzle x

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A male reader, Dustin587 United States +, writes (24 October 2007):

Dustin587 agony auntYou're still a baby yourself. A child cannot provide the care a baby needs. In the end, you will only put a burden on your parents. You might think you are ready, but you are not. Do you want to go to college? Do you want to hang out with friends? Do you want to be stress free for a few more years? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not ready for a child. If you have a child, THAT will be your life.

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A male reader, Karlos Omnis United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2007):

Karlos Omnis agony auntYou do not want a baby. That may seem patronizing to tell you what you want, but you're thinking irrationaly.

You'll have no spare time ever again, you'll never be able to support the child financially, therefore affecting your mood, therefore affecting the upbringing of the child.

I'm 99% that any man that makes you pregnant will leg it as soon as you drop the news on him.

There's food for thought for you, do you really want a baby?

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (24 October 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntI'm going to come off a little harsh, but I'm only trying to be honest and get this through your head.

I hope you have at least $20,000 to cover the next year of your life. That's for all the doctors appointments for you WHILE you're pregnant, that's for the actual delivery in the hospital (it's really expensive. Even more so if you get a C-section!!), that's for all the new baby supplies, the constant diapers, baby food, clothes, crib, diaper table... they grow fast!!

I hope you're also ready to give up your figure. Your breasts will lose their elasticity if you choose to breast feed, your tummy will never be the same, you'll have stretch marks all over.

I hope you're also ready to give up your entire life to the child. You will not be going out any more, no more parties, no more shopping (for yourself, at least. PLENTY for the baby). No time to put on makeup in the morning. Don't bother wearing your hair nice or earrings - the baby likes to grab things and PULL. Forget nice clothes, the baby will have spit up on every one of your nice shirts.

Be prepared for eighteen years of "Mom, I need...", "Mom, I want...", "Mom, get me a...". You ready to be getting your baby to and from school every day, cleaning up accidents, barf, bloody skinned knees?

Let's not speak of college! You won't be going, you won't have time. And if you can squeeze in the extra hours - wonderful!! But forget ever sleeping again.

And, who is the father of this child? Do you think he's going to stick around for 18 years? Are you going to get married? Maybe offer your child a family to grow up in? I wonder what HIS parents would think of him having a child at such a young age...

Yes, your Mom will be angry if you have a child. I have no doubt that she'll support you through thick and thin, but I think she'll be disappointed in you giving up your life now to raise a child. She gave you a life to LIVE!! Enjoy it!! Enjoy being young and having the freedom to do what you please, WHEN you please.

Get a big box and go out baby shopping. Get all kinds of cute baby clothes, toys, supplies... write in a journal for your future children. Get a babysitting job and spend tons of time with kids! The beauty of that is that you can go home afterwards!

Please reconsider, enjoy being young and worry about babies when you're old enough and financially stable enough.

xxIndia

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

You can't even spell 'pregnant' yet, so I strongly suggest you concentrate on more important things at your age - like school.

Phil

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A female reader, sexi South Africa +, writes (24 October 2007):

sexi agony auntHi

Like everyone has said you are too young to have a baby. You should just wait. A baby needs to be born in a home with parents the love each other and are commited to each other. Im sure it is just a phase that you are going through and it should end, So just hang in there.

Regards,mail me if you wanna talk

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Listen darling. It is really not a good idea. I can understand that you might love little children and one of your own to care for, but wait a while. 15 is a little. You have not even finished growing up yet!

If you want to take care of someone could you go and spend some time working at a nursery, babysitting or maybe you've got younger siblings or cousins. You would be able to see the hard work needed to care for someone full time.

Best wishes x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Hi,

I was 17 when i found out i was pregnant and i was very scared at 15 weeks gone i lost my baby. Me and my boyfriend who was 19 were devastated and i was desperate to be pregnant again and now i have a son who is one i am 20 we have our own house and we are married.But i will be honest the last past 3 years have been very hard you have to sit down and think that a baby is not just exhausting but financially crippling please go and get a good education and job before you even think about it i know what it is like and i love my son he is the best thing that ever happened to me but you are 15 even if he doesnt leave you in the lurch you will both be struggling until he goes to school as you wont be able to afford childcare for you to get a job etc. You wil only just about have the money to put food in your belly.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Grow up!

I dont mean to be nasty but a baby is not a dolly. It is a life and a person, a responsibility and a sacrifice.

When considering having a child you have to take into account what you can offer it... Do you support yourself financially? Have you got your own roof above your head? Do you look after yourself properly? Would you beable to cope if there was knowone willing to help? Can you provide a safe home for a child? I am sure your boyfriend does not want a child - he probably wants to have a life.

I am afraid to say that a child is not practical when you are 15! If you throw your school education away, then you wont even have prospects to offer any of the above things to a child in the future.

When you are mature enough to understand all the reasons above and not take this post as an insult but as an informative answer to your question, then you may be in the right frame of mind to consider children. Until then enjoy your life, do well in your exams, get a good job and begin to build somewhere safe and special to bring the child you 'want so much'into the world.

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A female reader, Jovial South Africa +, writes (24 October 2007):

Jovial agony auntHi

Having a child may sound a bit cool but do u think will find it cool being borne to a 15yr old? who is still under her mother's care?

In my opinion you are still very young to consider having a baby. Having a child its a big step in anyone's life, the fact that u dont know if your bf wants a child its because he is not ready so dont bring a child to this world because you want one your decision will affect him as well and everyone else who gives a damn about your wellbeing.

if you really wants to take care of children why dont you help out in a children's home? see how much effort its going to take you for just helping out when u feel like it what about when its a full time duty? believe me a child doesnt need only love and care they need financial support, emotional and all sorts of things and u are not there yet. if u are not emotionally ready for a child you will end up resenting that child and hating yourself for feeling helpless in the end.

allow yourself to be a child and enjoy your youth while u can, go out and have fun without thinking of having to find a babysitter first and money to pay thereof.

when you get a stable income then you can move out find a nice place for yourself and have as many kids you like as long as u can afford to raise them and then your mom will be proud of you instead of killing you. and if your bf doesnt like the child you know you are capable of raising on your own.

Hope you make a bright choice

Jovial

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A female reader, superdopah United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2007):

you have got so many years ahead of you to have a baby enjoy your teenage years being a teen mum is extremley hard, finish your education and make a life for yourself. then think about babies, it would proberly break your mums heart, she wants the best for you and that means finishing school and making a good life for yourself.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

OMG!! Child you are to young for a baby.You have not even gone through the teen years yet. You really dont wanna kid at that age. I have many friends that have kids way to early,and some are good parents and stepped up to be a parent.But alot dont and thats sad for the child and It will put more pressure on you,your family and your boyfriend.More pressure and responsibilty than you could ever imagine!So Enjoy the teen years first,after that you will understand what I mean.

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A female reader, mizzy.mara Australia +, writes (24 October 2007):

mizzy.mara agony auntMaybe talk to your mum about this. But honestly you shouldnt be thinking about a baby at the age of 15. It needs care 24/7, you don't get time off or anything like that, once you have a baby there is no going back!! Your life will change forever!! You would have no life after the baby, there would be no partying or anything like that, all attention to the baby! but if you desperately want to dedicate the rest of your life to a baby maybe talk to someone you know and trust. And find out weather ur bf would want one as well and not just quit half way through bekoz it wont be easy raising a kid by urself. gud luck and really think long and hard about what you will be getting urself into if you do have a baby!

gud luck xx

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