A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a fantastic man over the net (myspace) but i made the stupid mistake of using someone elses pics as im a little insecure on how i look! we chatted over the phone for 4 months and hes just found out about me lying over the pictures.....he said he'd fallen in love with my personality and didnt care how i looked but now he wants nothing to do with me....im still the same person inside.i have txted him a couple of times saying i wont contact him again and then all of a sudden he is getting back intouch, like lastnight for example he messaged me saying he doesnt have anything to do with people who mess him about but im forgiven. he only seems to message me when i say i wont contact him....does this mean he does want me in his life but is to afraid to admit it? im so confused right now...when i ask him such things he ignores me again, i miss him terribly and i just want the chance to make things right! i think he is the one i want to spend my life with, i love him so so much.he wont tell me what he wants though and we havent spoken about this properly as when i ask he ignores me again!! please help!
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insecure, myspace, the internet Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, fallen_Angel_7  +, writes (28 July 2008):
ps: does anyone know if what that girl did to me and emotionally n mentally messed me up , is eligal?? i believe she is out doing the same thing agian to another girl. i was very close to wanting to end my life coz i was so depressed and i dont want another person to have to go threw what i did and wind up in a worser state. things like this should have a law agianst. i know where this girl lives. her name is julieanne Venditti . please get back to me if anyone can help me .. i really want to put a stop to it.
A
female
reader, fallen_Angel_7 +, writes (28 July 2008):
this is a difficult situation. i kinda know what he feels. i went threw the same thing.. i had never met this guy i was speaking to,but we spoke on the phone every single day he had a very troubled life.one day as i was on the phone to him he had gone for a walk to the park where he usually went when he was upset.he told me he just saw his cousin julieanne pass with her car. a short while later we were on the phone agian and he seemed upset that his cousin had been around drug dealers. made everything seem so real. next thing he was yelling going "omg the cops r behind me" he was telling me he will call me back he just needs to escape the cops. i called and no answer, they wud always make me worry about them. when i picked up i was so happy to hear he was ok. he ended up in court coz they found drugs in julieanes car ..he got house errest.waited over 8 months for them to get off there house arrest. i said id wait.. because by this time i had fallen in love. they made me feel loved and i looked at him like he was my bestfriend and i cudnt wait to meet him in person. he was telling me he wud come and see me and that him and his family were planning on moving in my state. cut a long story short.. a year went on by .. by this time i had gotten self distructive wed always argiu n fight and i felt like i needed him. as if i cudnt live withought him. he was there for me whenenever anything went wrong in my life , he promises me the world ..yet i waited and waited . eventually i found out that he didnt even exist. and it was a girl the whole time. it was Julieanne. the whole time. his "cousin" that i wud talk to aswell on the internet. so i believed there was 2. but all along there was one. i flew to sydney to meet julieanne face to face. i stayed with a girl i had just met , she helped me to relaise that it was fake becasue she went threw the same thing. i was very nervous when i confronted julieanne. but she did not appologise or say a word. she did not feel giulty for what she had done. nothing will ever take back the year and a half of my life. its left a scar in my heart. and for some silly reason i feel like i cant love the same way agian. please be careful make sure they go on webcam for u and CALL THIER MOBILE and let them answer infront of u while they r on webcam. i was on webcam to julieane and called "danny" and she picked up. this is how i got my 100% proof. i was just very very blind to it. everything they told me was a lie. house errest, sick grandmother.. the lot, dead couzin, the lot. she is MENTALLY ILL. and im very lucky to have gotten out of it, coz i wasnt very far from loosing my mind.
you should not have lied to this guy. he prob did fall in love with yur personality. but now he no longer can link that personality he got used to to your real picture. the person he fell inlove with he had the fake image of you in his mind. im sorry to say but thats who he fell in love with. and to find out u aint really that girl in thhe pictures musta killed him. atleast u aint pretending to be a man. lol i learnt the hard way. he contacts you becasue he is still attatched to u. esp when u dont contact him , he started to maybe feel empty coz he got so used to u. and maybe you are in love with the idea of love. i think give him time. and dont contact him at all. i know u say u love him but u lied to him. and love is not based on a lie. i think you need to just give him space and time to heal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): hey, so i know exactly what your going through. i make fake myspaces all the time and when you have to tell them your not "real" its hard because you get really close. But all they really need is time to get over it and think things through. I know someone that took three months to start talking to me again. But it will work out and im sure you hear this alot but if its meant to be and it wont if its not. thats life. it sucks. anyways if you need any more help just hit me up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): if it is meant to be it will happen, right now he still might be confused on the fact that you lied to him all this time. But if he really cares about your realsoinship, he will make an effort to contact you! If you care this much towards this guy i believe you should make him knoe that. I f he feels the same way, it'll work out! But if he still talks to you, that means he doesnt want to stop comunicating, but only give him some to time. soon enough he will relieze that it doesnt matter what pictures you used, but only for you!
and you'll accept each other, it doesnt matter!:)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Well I'm kind of in your same situation. A woman did that with me recently, sent me her beautiful sisters picture for months. I do love who she is however her looks are not important but knowing that I will see her sister daily because she lives across the street from her bothers me because at first, seeing the picture was what I was originally attracted to and I personally do not know what to do. if you wish to discuss eachothers situations...maybe i could get insite of why you did what you did, and i could give insite from how I feel being the person that was 'messed' with. My email is [email address blocked]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): hi, im in a VERY similar situation to you, i didnt think it happened to any1 else, its the biggest mistake of my life. Could we talk? No one knows about it and im really stuck on what to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Look, people steal my pictures and it pisses me off - I see other fakes, and it pisses me off. I don't blame him for getting upset. I would be too! You're a liar. How do I know? Well, besides the fact you took someone else's pictures, you tell him you're not going to talk to him again, and do it anyway. This doesn't sound like love. It sounds like obsession. Get a real boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Look, people steal my pictures and it pisses me off - I see other fakes, and it pisses me off. I don't blame him for getting upset. I would be too! You're a liar. How do I know? Well, besides the fact you took someone else's pictures, you tell him you're not going to talk to him again, and do it anyway. This doesn't sound like love. It sounds like obsession. Get a real boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): The consequences for luring in a man with a lie.
Trust is very essential for successful relationships.
Learn from this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): I completely disagree with the person who asked how can you love him if you've never met him. you absolutely can fall in love with someone you've met online before you meet them in person. you fall in love with their personality and who they are. that has nothing to do with being in the same room as them. anyway back to the point. theres nothing more you can do. you lied to him about it, you made the mistake, now its up to him to decide if he wants you in his life or not. so just leave him alone so he can decide what he wants. good luck xxxxx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 January 2007):
 He feels betrayed. If you lie to him before you've even met he's bound to wonder if you're worth the hassle since it's a bad sign. It also shows you're insecure. I think that has a lot to do with why he's stopped contacting you. Write him off and turn off your computer and get out there and meet a real life guy. I think it'll teach you a lot about love too.
CD
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): You lied to him sweetie! What do you expect? Quit telling him your not going to contact him and just do it! You wrecked this relationship the moment you put FAKE pictures on your website. Move on and find someone else.
-J
p.s. Take the fake pictures off your website!
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (24 January 2007):
 How can you love him if you've never even met him? What he's like on the internet might be completely different to what he is in real life. Or how you percieve him now, your opinion of him might change for the worse when you meet him in real life. You should've used your real pic or at least told him it wasn't your real pic. And you know that now. But can you really blame him for being upset with you? I think from looking at it now, I think you shold move on from him. There are other guys you can date. He's not the be all and end all is he? But since you said you want to spend your life with him then maybe you should try again.
Have you got his number? Maybe you could call him and talk to him directly instead of messaging him, so that way you know you've got his undivided attention. And he can't avoid certain questions or ignore because he's talking directly to you. Get your point across to him and tell him that you're sorry and you want to be with him etc. Get it all out and make him undertsnad how you feel and then see where it goes from there. If it doesn't work out and he still hasn't changed towards you after the phone call then I think it's best if you move on. I could be wrong but...I don't think you're in love with him seeing as you've never even met him or spent long periods of time with him. You don't know him well enough to be in love with him. Mayybe it's just strong like or infatuation.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 Hi Anon,
I really think you should stick to what you say when you tell him you will not contact him again. I'm not sure why he's responding to you after you say that - maybe it's guilt, maybe he still *wants* to care about you, maybe he *does* care about you...but the fact remains that you still lied to him. Any lie - especially in the beginning of a relationship - will not make a good impression on the other person.
He may be afraid to be with you, because if you could blatantly lie to him about something from the day you two started talking, then what else could you lie about? Or else he might just feel like a fool for thinking about the situation - he was honest with you and you weren't with him.
I see you said that he has forgiven you for lying to him. That's very good news. But while that might be good, forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean that things are all better and can be the way they were before. He still may feel like a bit of an idiot or just plain weirded out.
If he doesn't tell you what he wants and ignores you when you ask, I think - now this is just my opinion and I feel I should stress that - that he might want to have you just as an online friend that he talks to every once in a while. I would stop contacting him - he's told you that he's forgiven you, now he just has to try and move on. And move on could mean him moving on with someone else, or move on could mean he could be more *accepting* of the situation (forgiving doesn't always necessarily mean accepting something). Move on might also mean that he will want to be with you later after he feels more comfortable with what has happened.
So if I were you, I'd leave him be until he contacts you and seems friendly and like he wants to move on. If he doesn't contact you and doesn't want to move on in a relationship with you, then at least you've learned a lesson and will probably not do this in the future. Starting off in a relationship based on a lie of any kind is not a wise decision. And while he really may not care what you look like, that's not really the point of all of this - it's that he was lied to. Remember, comunication and honesty are two things that every relationship needs in order to survive.
Take care.
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