A
female
age
36-40,
*eezy41
writes:So I went on a trip with my coworker who I met 1.5 months ago. We both have free flight benefits and i slept with him the week before we went on a vacation, like after our 5th date. I wanted to know him better and I really like him and he told me the same.1st day:: we really had a good time with him except he was on his phone too much while he was in the resort because he did not have a wifi. So we went to a lounge and he wanted to leave at 3am and i said its fine. As soon as we went to the room, i was expecting him to cuddle with me in the bed but he went to the coach and started text to his friends. I brought it up saying i wanted to stay more in the lounge just because of you are tired, we left and now you are texting? He apologized and told me he had to answer his friends.2nd day::: at night he got sick so i brought him soup and pills and he even had a fever so i could not sleep till 3am and put the cold towels on his head. He appreciated it.The day we coming back::: he was feeling better except his throat sore. So he asked me to stay in his house. So i slept and we had sex w/o condoms. He pulled out.Next day::: we went to the store to buy cough drop for him and he told me he is nervous because if he precum inside me and i said that i will buy pill and next time even though latex condoms irritates, i will do it with condom. He was upset cause he wanted me to enjoy as well.In the car, i was kissing him and all of a sudden, he said he feels disgusted. I am like you ok? He was like his throat hurts. I kinda get offended and asked him his throat was hurting the day before as well and we even had sex. I do not remember his answer.His actions changed and i do understand he is sick but he does not even text me. I am the one asked him how he was feeling yesterday. And also today in the morning i texted him to see how he feels.I took care of him and look at his actions. His actions changed. Maybe, he does not like me anymore or i valued him too much.I do not know what to do.Any opinions appreciated
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female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (7 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter i left his house last friday, i texted him that i want to be special without having sex and sex comes 2nd. I am thinking serious and i hope he does too. He apologized that its all his fault. I have not heard anything from him after.We work in the same place.
A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (2 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys,
Actually he did not come to work yesterday either. I heard that he is sick really. He texted me last night and asked me if I do hate him. I said hate is kind of strong word and what he has in his mind. He told me i do not talk that much and asked me if because of he is sick and I said yes and also told him that i texted him for 2 days and he did not even ask me how I am. He apologized and told me he is on benandryol and being receptive.
Today, we barely texted. I was asking to see if he will come into work. He does not even say yes/no. He told he wants to.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2015):
 Then you'd better let him know - and be clear about your wants and needs.
You tell him, no I am not coming over. Or no ,you are not coming over.
He asks Why ?.... No need to be coy, sly or shy. Be honest . Tell him : I am not looking for something purely physocal, and I am not keen on for casual fun. If you want to get to know me better and see if anything develops , great, we can start spending more time together , going out on dates etc. If that's not what you want, I understand and thanks anyway but, as I told you, I am looking for something more.
At this point, many of our posters get cold feet and say , yes , but .... what if this scares him off ? What if he bolts ? What if he makes fun of me because I am so " old fashioned " ?....
And they seem to miss the point : if he vanishes , if he bolts, if he makes fun of you, if he tries to bully you into having sex "without a label ".... then you are not missing out on anything !, or losing anything, because that would be a guy who wants different things from you. He can't / won't give you what you want, and like a pushy salesman, is tryng to stick you with what HE has got to sell, not with the item you want. Same, if HE pulls a Houdini when he knows you want a r/ship or something relationship-y ; he is doing you a favour, he is self eliminating himself from your relational landscape and saving you a lot of time and aggravation.
You've got to be brave and firm some times , if you are after a certain result. Many of our posters think ( or hope, actually ) that if they try... they go along with HIS plan... in time he will get attached ... and things will change... and he will turn from the good times guy to the romantic, attentive companion that he was NOT to begin with.
But this is awfully rare- I cannot say it NEVER happens because very seldom it does, but the percentage is veeeery small. Tiny. A guy who's got you pegged as " good casual fun partner ", well , that's wat he wants, casual fun , and that's what he wants YOU for, share the fun, not a romance.
Which, it's perfectly fine if the woman wants the same- right after a divorce ? during a temporary stay in some place ? in college before officially starting " real " life as a working adult ? etc. etc.
But, when you say, I do not want to be a f-buddy- :well, then don't put yourself into situations that lead right there, - just say no. And stick to your guns.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 June 2015):
 Just tell him, no thanks.
Many guys will try the whole "fwb" or F-buddy thing and unfortunately many girls THINK if they have sex, a relationship will follow (which is rarely the case).
So again, just be honest.
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (2 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Honeypie, we used to see each other before i leave work. Cause we are working in the same airlines but different terminals. He has not texted me to see him before i leave. So i am like eh whatever.
I will just leave the way it is. If it is meant to be it will.
What if he tells me, he wanna come over to my house or he wants me to go over? I do not wanna be fuck buddies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 June 2015):
EDIT:
I wrote: So go slow, Do get too attached
Should have been:
So go slow, Do Not get too attached.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 June 2015):
So go slow, Do get too attached. Have fun in his company, but don't have too lofty expectations because I think this guy would fail. Regard him as a fun hang out buddy.
Don't take him too serious. This is not a guy with hidden depths.
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (1 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Honeypie, he texted me today to see how i am doing but i kept it short and also asked how he is feeling since he was sick.
It kinda made me happy but I still do not wanna get attached and hurt.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 June 2015):
I think it's up to you how you WANT to handle it.
My question to you is, ARE you interested in getting to know him better? Or was this trip off-putting enough that you no longer interested?
If you WANT to know him better, I'd suggest putting sex a bit on the back burner and do actual dates.
If you are kind of done with him, just tell him I don't think we are a good match. No need to ignore.
I think when a woman IGNORES texts and calls (if she isn't interested) it's being quite the chicken, so just tell him. But I would NOT contact him.
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A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (1 June 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo if he texts me, what should i do? Just answer back or completely ignore him?
I am kinda upset because i thought he really liked me. Those 5 dates were actual dates.
If he asks me why i am acting weird, what am i going to say?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 June 2015):
I agree with Cindy, he is NOT that into you.
However I've just had a 9 day bout of Strep throat (thanks kids!) and it hurts. There is no way I'd be kissing someone (or would WANT to kiss someone else with a sore throat, just eww)
I think first of all going on vacation with someone after only 5 dates is WAY too soon. BUT I guess it also gives you a clear indication of what kind of guy he is. Someone who RATHER sit and text friends than spend time with the girl he is on vacation with....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): I agree with the other poster, he is not into you. I think he really took you to the store, for the sole purpose, the morning after pill. Smh. It sounds like all he is looking for is sex and you are looking for a lot more. You say you went on dates. Were they actual dates? Or more like hanging out?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 June 2015):
Uhm.... because he is not THAT into you. He may take you or leave you , so he gets to dictate all terms and conditions, he does not even try to be on his best behaviour and impress you,- or simply to be a nice , pleasant ,attentive companion for you . It's all about him - if you can deal with it, fine, otherwise ...
( he shrugs ) too bad for you . That's what his behaviour would seem to indicate.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (1 June 2015):
 It can be many things.Maybe the guy isn't feeling as committed to you yet. You both are not GF/BF.. just dating and getting to know each other. So you can't really expect the same level of attention or interest as if you both had sparks and are in a relationship. I'd say give it some time.It can also be that this is the first time you both are spending a significant amount of time together. You're just getting used to each other's lifestyles. Maybe a little time and understanding is what you need.Or it can be that he really only sees you as a vacation friend with benefits. Maybe he's not interested in a relationship with you but is cool with a weekend getaway.My advice is to not contact him and see if he will contact you. If he does, then take it slow from there. If he doesn't contact you then you know what the deal is.. move on.
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