A
male
age
41-50,
*saac800
writes:Dear Madam,I am a 29 year old male. About 3 weeks back, I met a girl in the university I attend. she's passed 18. Well, we believe the same doctrines as christians and when I approached her, she was very responsive. She seemed to enjoy my company but gave me hints that she was worried about the age gap.When I was talking to her, she kept smiling, touching her fingers nervously, couldn't face me, would play with a pen or paper, licking her lips at times, smiled really a lot. At some point, she put on the gloves to hide the ring she was having on her right hand major finger. Another man came passing by and greeted her, she responded swiftly and then turned quickly back to me to see how I'd react but I gave nothing away as my composure revealed nothing to her (so I think) (we gave each other the kind of look like: who's that?) yet she and I just met less than 10 days ago.I gave her, that wednesday, to read the story of Jacob and Rachel in the bible, she agreed and promised she'd read it and promised to meet me on monday next week.she invited me to attend her congregation, I turned down politely for now with a promise to attend in the future and we smiled again. It's like we knew each other for a longtime.This week, it's been foggy and it's the begining of winter, she comes early to university from something like 60 to 80 km. she's given a lift to university by someone from her congregation.I promise you she could have given me her number or email, had I asked for it? She gives me the impression that no one in her life has ever appreciated her beauty or who she is (she mixed race, brazilian type of girl) and that she's never been in love before.1) Do you think she could have changed her mind or she might have told someone about me and was advised to stay away? 2) Must I go looking for her at her department (health sciences) or church? what would you suggest I do, or be a little bit more patient.Regards,Isaac
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female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 Dear Isaac - 1) Why do you think anyone would advise her to stay away from you? 2) You are a man - go look for her - that is what you are supposed to do. Women are generally raised to not be the aggressor. Go find her. See what develops.
A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (8 May 2010):
She agreed to meet you next Monday to discuss the story of Rachel and Jacob that you gave her. You do not need to go looking for her at her department or church. That may be too much right now and can scare her away. You don't want to appear like you are stalking her. Take the opportunity on Monday to get to know what she is interested in. See if this includes you. She sounds a little nervous and shy. So just keep things very casual so that you don't scare her away.If she doesn't show, then you know that she isn't interested in pursuing a relationship/friendship with you. In which case, you'll just have to respect her wishes and move on.Out of curiosity, why didn't you accept her invitation to her church? She seems to feel most comfortable with people who attend her congregation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): Find her and ask her whats on her mind.You've said she's shy and sometimes doesnt feel very confident,so probably she might not have the courage to approach you and tell you whats up.Talk to her,ask her how she feels about your friendship and whether it should go to another level or not.
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