A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Afew days ago, I went on a fantastic date with a guy I have been talking to at my local gym. His 20 and I am 22 years old, so he doesn't have alot of dating experience. We had dinner, went to golf, drove around town and went to the movies. We cuddled, held hands and he was kissing me on the forehead. I didn't kiss him on the lips because I wanted to see what his true intentions were. He took me home and told him I had a great time and said we should go see another movie tomorrow night. He said " we would have to check each others schedules ". I agreed and the next day I seen him and he told me he was working until 7pm that night so I assumed it was a no. However he kept texting me that whole day, being flirty and chatty. But he never got back to me about the movie for that night.However, the following day, he went completely cold on me! I texted him first to see how he was, and if he was having a good weekend. He was texting me but not like he use to. I tried to flirt with him but he didn't reciprocate. I left it alone. I seen him today at the gym and he pretended not to see me but check himself out in the mirror.I literally do not understand this! He initiated all the cuddling, hand holding and kissing, he even said to me that he wanted to see some other movies with me, and make more plans for dates. Now he goes completely cold turkey on me? I'm just confused and hurt. I was telling a friend this and he thinks he might of got hurt or abit upset how everything turned out after the date. I was talking to him casually when I saw him after the date because he was working. I respect his workplace and his job. I was the one who initiated the first date because he got too shy to ask me (seriously, he was trembling!). I just don't know. I'm not sure if his hurt because I didn't bring up the second date that day, or his just simply not interested in me. He isn't good at communicating, on the first date he tried to hide the fact he was going to be late because work held him up but it didn't bother me. I just don't know what to think! I'm just extremely hurt
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 March 2020):
 He’s being polite.
He would have to be a real dick to shun you to your face. If he wanted to text you, he would be doing, it’s really that simple. You have your closure! It’s not going anywhere.
Even if he DID start to text you again, he’s shown you that he’s a messer and a complete waste of time! Forget about him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2020): If he still talks to you and doesn't text you, there's your answer. He doesn't want to establish a relationship; and he's trying to break it off without upsetting one of their valued customers. They can't afford a cancellation if you get miffed about this. So he better back-off before you get too attached.
To put it bluntly, it was a bad idea from the get-go. Look at how you're reacting. He's young and handling it badly; because he doesn't know what to do !
This is a pretty commonsense question. If he won't text or communicate outside his job, he's backing-off! He still has to be polite to a customer on his job.
With the coronavirus pandemic on the upswing; many gyms are closing, and employees don't know when or if they'll ever be rehired.
Now is not the time for him to upset the apple cart at work. I still believe finances is his major problem. He's a sale's rep? They earn commission and it that's usually peanuts on his type of job! No new accounts, no money!
Most gyms have a policy against staff fraternizing or consorting with customers. It's a huge liability for the company and he may not have realized it until he was notified by his boss. My gym has that policy and it is strictly enforced.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your helpful feedback! Sounds like there could be many reasons why he didn't initiate a second date (i.e. not interested, lack of money, shyness etc.). A recent update however. This past week he has been saying good morning to me, initiating a conversation and saying good bye to me when I leave the gym. So he wasn't totally ignoring me? I guess he was having a bad day that day, but we do see each other every weekday so he might be trying to be polite to avoid the awkwardness.He has a full-time job at the gym actually as a sale representative, so perhaps he is trying to keep things mutual to avoid upsetting me (the customer). I heard though they do get bad pay ... However that doesn't explain why he suddenly stopped messaging me out of the blue! I am still confused. He still talks to me in person but doesn't text me at all. I really want closure on this situation - if it was some random guy I met on an app it would be obvious he didn't like me but this is in person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2020): It looks as though he had a change of heart and he doesn't want it to develope further. However I must say it is terribly immature of him to ignore you at the gym as though he doesn't know you. He could have at least said hello and apologised and offered explained for pulling back. He still has a lot to learn to be a gentleman I would say. I think you should just forget him. You deserve better.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (16 March 2020):
personally I’d pull back a little and see if he has any drive to organise something. You offered him a second date and he said he was busy, give him a chance to make some plans. If not, he clearly wasn’t that interested and you can move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2020): I attribute his disconnect to three things. Shyness, his age, and his income.
He is too shy or embarrassed to tell you if he can't afford to go out very much. If he doesn't have a full-time job, or he's paid by the hour; he may not have the disposable cash. Financially, he may be tapped-out after the last date.
You initiated the idea to go out on a date; so that broke the ice. It might have broke the bank as well! He probably expected the date to be more exciting (after-all, he's only 20); but it wasn't like he imagined it would be. He might have expected sex on the first-date. If he's a student or sharing expenses with roommates; he just may have to make the rent and save to cover his school expenses. If you're working a full-time job, you may earn more than he does.
If you keep pressing him to go out on dates; but he can't afford to. What's he to say?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2020): OP, the single most important factor in any relationship, is open communication. Even if your partner loves you, if he cannot communicate that fact to you, thru words and/or actions, then all is lost! I agree with the first poster though, that you should phone him or text him to find out what his damage is. Though based on what you wrote in your post, I have no idea why this dude would be offended by anything that occured! He may just be extremely shy and you may directly have to ask him out again, but if you do, make it clear that he must man up, and be the one to ask you, for any future dates! You sound real nice OP, and I hope this works out, for your good, but know that there are plenty of guys, who would jump at the chance, to be with a genuine nice girl! Best Wishes OP!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 March 2020):
 What you CAN do it call him (or text) and ask him hey, what up? Or a are you still up for seeing XYZ movie?
If he doesn't respond or turn it down, then take it as he has no longer any interest in dating you. Why that might be? Who knows? And it's NOT worth fretting over trying to figure out.
And IF he turns you down, block and delete his number.
And try not to take this too personal. If he IS a very shy person he might not have the best social skills. So it might not BE about you, but himself.
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