A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hi..im 19...ive been in a relationship with this girl for one year six months...we love each other or loved each other...she always says im angry all the time but its not my fault...my parents hate me...and im constantly being targeted by my siblings...in other words my life is a complete wreck...but when i met her i found something different in her...i fell for her i did everything i could for her but now she just abandoned my love for her... she says im just a friend..seriously...she is the only girl in this world ive ever told my real feelings to..i thought she understood ...other guys ask her out but she says she has a boyfriend...i dont get it...i really miss her..i crave to be with her every time but i dont get it...i know we fight alot but isnt that how relationships are..? i really dont know what to do please help..i constantly being pushed of the edge of sanity when im without her..im incomplete without her...
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female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (23 March 2013):
 Despite what reality television and Lifetime like to portray, constant fighting in a relationship is not normal.You're 19. You're an adult. You know you have issues. There are plenty of resources out there for you to get the help you need. It sounds like you really do care about your girlfriend, so make the effort to find a service that will aid you in straightening out your behavior.Bonus points for you if you can ask your girl to assist you in finding the help that you need.(Are you in college? I've never heard of a college that doesn't offer counseling. It's usually cheaper than what a private establishment could offer, and oftentimes it can be covered by insurance. If you're not in college and can't afford seeing a therapist, look for local support groups.)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 March 2013):
 Isn't that how relationship are... ? Heck no ! at least not the ones worth keeping. If you fight a lot it means you are not compatible and eventually your gf realized - or simply got fed up of the constant arguing.
Your gf has been smart to take what for her must have been a difficult decision, if there were strong feelings involved. But she knows that " love " is not enough, two people have to be able to get along .
It also sounds that what attracts you most to this girl is her " power " to heal you, to fix you, to complete you. But you have foisting on her a responsability that she can't and should not accept. She is not your nurse or therapist. You've got to do your own fixing and helaing, you've got to " repair " yourself or at least to be as unbroken as possible, before and beyond seeking out a partner and her help.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 March 2013):
 no, relationships aren't like that. at least not healthy ones. sure, fighting happens on occasion. but in a healthy relationship, it should be seldom. and not only that, but technically it shouldn't be "fighting." it should be a calm sharing of differences. neither my partner nor i believe in raising our voices at each other. we sit down and discuss our differing opinions until we can both see each others side. THAT'S healthy.
don't get me wrong, it took me a LONG time to get to this point. i had lots and lots of failed relationships before i figured out what a healthy relationship was. and i'm still in the process of learning. i'm just a lot better off than i was.
let me ask you. did/do your parents fight a lot? what we grow up seeing from our parents relationship(s) is what we tend to model as adults. that was my problem. i grew up watching my parents constantly yelling and screaming at each other. so by the time i became an adult, this is what i was modeling my relationships after. it took years for me to retrain my brain and to realize that's NOT healthy at all. and even when we consciously realize it's not healthy, we sometimes still can't help but do it.
anyway, all that being said; no it's not normal to fight a lot.
which brings me to my next point. you say your life is miserable and you're angry all the time, but it's not your fault. here's the thing. we are all ultimately responsible for our own behavior and actions. blaming everyone else for your unhappiness isn't going to fix anything. only YOU can fix your unhappiness. i'm not doubting your parents treat you like shit or that your siblings piss you off. but if you hate it so much, get a job and move out. or go stay at a friends house. or learn to let it roll off your shoulders. believe me, i had a rough childhood at times. but only you can decide if you're gonna let it beat you down or not. that's completely up to you. i chose to rise above it. aterall, what good is it gonna do to be pissed off all the time? life is too short.
and i'll also tell you this. being around someone who is always angry is very emotionally and physically draining. maybe she just couldn't take it anymore, no matter how much she loves you and wants to be with you. i know i couldn't. i need to be around positive, happy people. don't get me wrong, if my friends have days where things are going on and they are feeling down, i'm always there for them. but if they were literally pissed off all the time and constantly complaining, i wouldn't be friends with them. i couldn't be.
i think maybe you need to start re-evaluating your life and how you're living it. i mean this with much respect, not to put you down. but clearly you're unhappy. i think you need to do something to change that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): you're expecting her to save you? that's your job. so your family is a mess and your siblings torment you and your parents hate you? why is that up to her to fix for you? that's your own deal. no doubt you are angry but fighting all the time is not how all relationships are and it isn't healthy. what to do? let go of the idea that being with her is your cure for what ails you. your problems with your family are YOUR problems. your gf or ex-gf isn't paid enough to be your psycologist.
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