A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, here's one for the record books! It's a bit long, but it's worth reading...you will be amused!I met a girl nearly a year ago. We don't live in the same city, but both of us are professional athletes and we travel around the country a lot for our competitions. I met her last year when I went to compete at her hometown, and she happened to be there as a spectator. We became good friends since then!Soon enough, we started text messaging each other and chatting online very often for about 3 months...then it got to the point of wanting to meet again...so I made the trip to her hometown and spent a weekend with her. I had a blast! We had a lot of fun, really! No sex, but we did kiss, hug, hold hands, and so on...By the way, this was my first 'decent' date with a girl, so it was quite special for me. Needless to say, I fell in love with her!During the next couple of months we saw each other as much as possible, she traveled to be with me at my races, I traveled to be at hers...all good! And all of a sudden, a week later she told me "I've got a boyfriend now!" Turned out that one of her male friends who lives in her city declared his love for her and she ended up accepting a relationship with him. This was about 7 months ago.Of course I felt devastated. I let her know that I respected her decision, but I was not happy. But the cheeky part of the story begins here. Only a day or two after she started this relationship, she started calling me even more often, telling me that she loved me, that she didn't want to lose me, and all sort of b.s.!! After a couple of weeks, I ended up falling for her games, and then we called each other all the time, told us how much we loved each other. I even went to support her at one of her races... But then, I got tired of that and stopped calling, texting or e-mailing her.One month later, just when I didn't want to know anything about her, she showed up at one of my races - without her boyfriend! And then again, we started hugging, holding hands, we kissed a couple of times that afternoon, and at the end, she told me that she was going to leave her boyfriend. For the next couple of weeks, I felt the same magic as when I met her for the first time. Even though we were very far away I felt very close to her.But the days and the weeks went by...she didn't leave her boyfriend, but she kept calling me over and over again. I became fed up with it, and decided I would not keep talking to her. I even began not answering her calls. Just a few days after that, she sent me an e-mail telling me that she felt I was a bit distant towards her, she asked me if I was mad, she told me that she loved me, and so on... I answered that she knew my feelings for her, and that I didn't want to keep feeling that way, so that was the reason I was not talking to her.Unfortunately for me, my last race of the season was at her hometown. By then I was too focused on this situation that I couldn't even concentrate on my race. I really wanted to meet her there, to tell her that I was fed up with all this, and to tell her to stop playing like that. So I did something I should have never done...I called her when I arrived! Just a few minutes later, she showed up at the lobby of my hotel and started hugging me and telling me how much she missed me!! (WTF??)I wanted to have dinner with her to sit down and discuss all these things that had happened, so we agreed to meet that night. Little did I know she was going to show up with her boyfriend!! And to make things worse, when we were walking down the street, she has hugging ME instead of her boyfriend!!!! After that, I didn't want to see her for as long as I was in her city!The last time I called her was Christmas last year, just to send some good wishes, but really I wanted that to be the last time I talked to her.The first time she e-mailed me after that, I told her flat out that I didn't want to keep talking to her. Since then, she has been e-mailing and texting me intermittently...sometimes I answer, sometimes I don't.I felt stalked by her two weeks ago when I went to compete again at her hometown for the season opener. She texted me when I was there, but I didn't answer. Then she showed up with her boyfriend (now, that guy is stupid or what?) at one of my promotional events, and talked to me. I felt very uncomfortable, needless to say.This week, another girl I had dated twice before, asked me to be her boyfriend. She is such a fantastic person, really the cutest girl I could ever have found! I accepted, so now we are officially in a relationship. The problem is...I don't know if I love her!! Seems to me like I took the easy way to forget about the other girl, and I don't really know what to do...I could never forgive myself if I end up hurting my girlfriend!I guess my question can be answered by common sense...but what should I do with each of them?? I think I'm still in love with the other girl!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (30 March 2010):
 You say you don't know if you love your current girlfriend. If you truly love someone, you'll know it. This ex of yours doesn't seem to know what she wants, and you're not sure who you really love.
In spite of all this, you have to do what's right. You have to be sincere, because what you're doing isn't fair to your girlfriend. You definitely have some strong feelings for the other girl. I imagine that your girlfriend doesn't have any idea that there's another girl you have feelings for, and she probably thinks you want to be with her. If you don't care for your current girlfriend, then it's wrong to lead her along like this. She probably believes you love her when you don't, and she isn't free to find someone who really does love her back as long as she's with you.
I think that you should tell your girlfriend the truth about how you feel. I agree with the other posters, you should let go of both of these girls. You need time to figure out what you want, and heal, before you get into another relationship. If you go into a relationship with a bunch of baggage, it won't work.
A
female
reader, lioness32  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Listen love, it seems to me that the other girl has no idea what she wants. I mean come on, she doesn't even have respect for her boyfriend, dragging him alone while she makes out with you. She's confused and trust me she'll end up hurting you worst in the end. I think you should have taken a break and stayed single, so you could get over the other girl. Just stop talking to the other girl period, she doesn't know what she wants.I just think maybe she really likes something about you. But make sure you don't hurt your new girlie! she doesn't deserve that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): All the information you want is in your post.
You don't want to hurt your current girlfriend. Yet, you know that you do not love her. She will be hurt more by the fact that you are with her and thinking about the other girl than if you left her so she could find someone who really did love her! So let your current girl go, she deserves to be happy.
Secondly, you are addicted to the drama of the other girl. I also imagine that you like the fact that she has a bf but she is giving you all this attention, making you feel like the 'special guy'. In reality you are just there to feed her attention seeking ways. You are being used by this girl. If she really loved you then she would leave the poor guy she is stringing along and be with you.
Let go of BOTH of them. Take time out to gather your thoughts and start afresh.
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