A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me, I slept with my boyfriend's best mate at a party at his house, I love my boyfriend very much but I think I'm in love with his best mate and I think about him a lot but I love my boyfriend to bits as well. My friends have told me I should finish with my boyfriend and forget about them both but I can't imagine being without my boyfriend, he's my life but I want to stay with him also so I can still see his best mate as I would miss them both.Sometimes when I'm getting cosy with my boyfriend I think of his best mate and pretend it's him. I'm racked with guilt as I really enjoyed being with his best mate even though we both knew it was wrong and he kept pushing me off him and I can't stop crying cos I can't believe I've hurt my boyfreind so much... What should I do? I feel like I've ruined their friendship as they are very close and spent every waking second together and my boyfreind is okay with me but hates his best mate but really I'm to blame because I just kept persuading his best mate to have sex with me... I'm so confused... I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 This is exactly why I always recommend that people in your age group spend time dating around and not commit themselves to a relationship. It helps you identify the personality traits etc. that attract you. See if your boyfriend will allow you guys to see each other but still date other people. Of course this means not jumping in bed with everyone you date and it also means being very honest and upfront with everyone so as not to give them the wrong idea. But really if you drawn between two guys then you really don't love either with that special love that goes with commitment.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Sorry Maverick, but if a so-called friend of mine slept with my boyfriend I would be mighty pissed, suffice to say she would be an ex friend of mine and he would be kicked to the kerb.
Friends are meant to stick with you through thick and thin, be there for a shoulder to cry on and there to have great times with. Not to sleep with your partners.
And if this young lady is unhappy with her boyfriend, then she would do the decent thing, either talk to him or call complete closure. Ok so I was a little hard on her, but I stick by my opinions. Dusky xxx.
...............................
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Naughty girl! But everyone makes mistakes. Especially when you are young. We all have done things that we regretted doing, after the fact. Hopefully you learned a lesson from this one. You may have no other choice but to move on some time in the future, because it may become an unforgivable big issue between you and your BF.
...............................
A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (15 February 2008):
 This is a very unpleasant situation you've gotten yourself into, so please think carefully about what next. And unlike, "duskyrowe" I won't pass judgement or make you feel bad.
Firstly, are you unhappy with your current boyfriend? Specifically the relationship you have? Does he excite you? Is he entertaining? Does he make you feel loved? Is he everything you want in a boyfriend? If mostly no, then you need to let him go and find someone more appropriate. If mostly yes, then you should've continued to invest your time and effort in to him.
Secondly, his former best mate. And you should really look at this aspect once you have decided what to do with your boyfriend. What attracts you to him? Does he look great? Does he make you feel wonderful?
The end of the thought process isn't that complex. Pick one and be happy. Pick both and be miserable. Pick none and be lonely (well for a while anyway). The fact that you say you kept persuading his mate to have sex etc; reflects more of your thought process and that you may struggle with commited long term relationships. Consider sitting down and writting hwat a long-term bf relationship would mean to you.
One thing that many people don't realise is that cheating (which this seems like it is) undermines your own commitment integrity... you may find it harder in future to be in happy, stable long-term relationship and ulitmately you can make yourself even more unhappier.
In this instance, you may need to leave both behind given how strongly you feel about how bad it is. Could you really stand being around your boyfriend knowing that this has all happened? It may have to be taken as an experience and left alone now.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (15 February 2008):
Does your boyfriend know of this sordid deed you did with his best mate? Call me old fashioned, but aren't boyfriend/girlfriend's best mate a no go area and should not even go there. Some girlfriend you turned out to be, going behind your fella's back and shagging his best mate. What do you want a medal for your sordid deeds? I hope your fella does find out and dumps a nasty silly little girl like you and his dispicable mate too, to find genuine friends that really care about him.
Next fella you have, I suggest you keep it in your knickers when you meet his friends. I rest my case Dusky.
...............................
|
