A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI have been around for my mother in a lot of ways for many years, almost looking after her so to speak, her marriage has recently broken down and she has become more and more dependent on me, I still live at home but have a long term and steady boyfriend and am currently mid degree. My boyfriend has offered for me to go and live with him however I feel an almost loyalty to my mother and very much feel at the moment she would not cope if I left home. I feel almost completely torn and it's making me very unhappy, I have tried to broach the subject with her but she always turns the conversation back round to her own situation and reels me back into feeling very guilty for even thinking about moving out.I am reaching the point now however that I feel more than ready to set up my own life. Advice would be great because now I feel almost trapped here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): It's time for you to make the break. I know you love your Mom and I know you want to be there for her, but you have to go and get on with life. And your Mother should be right behind you,...pushing you out that door telling you to go and experience life, go spread your woings, create your own life, grow and be happy. Most of us Moms would do that. Your Mom has some issues (likely depression) that need addressing. I recommend you call some family members, like her sisters and her Mother, and have them talk with her. And see what can be done to help her..she might need doctor's care.
But please heed this....a mother should never, ever be this dependant on a child. She needs to learn the skills of having to face up to and deal with her own life in a mature, adult manner, without holding her own child back from having her own independency and happiness in a life, you create for yourself. Holding you back like this to me (a Mom, myself, to 3 adult kids) is horridly wrong. She is looking to you to fill up her emptiness and does not solve the problem...it just masks it. She needs help...get the family members together and support her, love her, but get her help. She needs to learn how to cope on her own or she will suck the life energy out of you and you will stagnate, never getting on with your life. . Don't allow that. It's time...tell her that and tell her you want to go. Good luck -it's not easiest thing to do but it is the healthiest. Good luck, sweety
A
female
reader, didapoo  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 While I do understand that your mother may be having a rough time, she also needs to understand that you have a life too. She is the one who raised you, im sure that she can take care of herself. Make sure you do check in from time to time (I still talk to my mom like 5 times a day on the phone), and make time for things with her, but go live with your boyfriend. It will be better for her anyway. She can then cope with the end of her marriage, and find herself again. Dont worry, she will be happier in the long run.Hope this helps! :)Dida
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