A
male
age
41-50,
*oulMateGuy
writes:Dear Aunties / Uncles, Where do I begin? I've been seeing this AMAZING LADY for about 4 months. I won't lie. We totally fell for one another and I know I am in love with her! I have never ever felt like this before!Anyway, a few weeks ago her ex got back in touch. He started to call her and come to her home. This bothered me, but she told me she was dealing with it. Then a couple of days ago she told me that he had stayed over, but she told me nothing happened. She says she told me because she didn't want to keep any secrets from me. I don't know what happened, but I just saw red mist! I went totally crazy! I accused her of all sorts! Called her names! Just went crazy at her! She got really upset and as a result she ended it! She told me she saw a side of me that scared her and that she never ever thought I would say or do those things! It has only been a couple of days, but it is tearing me apart and I want her back. She has told me she is in love with me. She has told me she just wants to cuddle me to make things better but she can't because her trust for me is broken. She says we can be friends and wants me still to be part of her life and doesn't want to lose me but I've told her I want more than that. I am trying to do what she says but she texts me all the time saying she loves me and misses me but can't take me back. I text her back telling her I love her too! What do I do? I know I want this lady for the rest of my life! I feel like she is my soul mate! Thank you in advance to everyone who replies! :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 September 2012):
 You need to work on your anger issues, because you OBVIOUSLY have them. They don't come out of the blue.
Also, you need to let this one go, I don't think she will ever be able to see past that "beast" you let out of the bag that day, that is how she sees you now. Which... sucks for you.
I understand that you got upset that THAT is how she dealt with an ex, by letting him stay over. But your reaction was a MAJOR overreaction and a big sign that you didn't trust her at all.
Own your actions and figure out why you really felt a need to react the way you did. And give her a break from you. STOP trying to pressure her to NOT be scared of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): She has ended it because you scared her, and she is therefore worried you might do so again. So you need to find a way to put her mind at rest and prove you know what you did was wrong and you are taking steps to fix it. I would suggest going to some anger management classes. That way she will realise you are serious about changing and I think it will do you good too, as seeing 'red mist' and screaming names at someone is not a healthy way to express your anger to be perfectly honest. I wish you the best of luck and hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I think give her time to get her head around the situation. Ok you had a heated moment with each other, and you frigthened her. Perhaps in time she will forgive you. I really think hang in there. No promises but be there for her as you have been. She still cares about you deeply and that is good. You have said sorry i would imagine. Perhaps tell her how you felt open up the communication have a heart to heart with her. And then leave it with her to sort it out within her own mind. Invite her for a picnic so you can tell her whats on your mind.
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