A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have a massive dilemma. so im in a ldr relationship with my gf. and weve been talking about me going to see her in the summer for about 5 months. she lives in america i live in england. im on a gap year. so it comes to 3 weeks before the trip and im about to book the tickets. and she suddenly says she wants to come to england instead. now im on a gap year, and ive saved so much money to come and see her, i quit my job. i dont know what to do. like for 5 months we said id be coming there. and suddenly her mind changes. everything has been going for this and. her mind is completely set on england. im trying to compromise but she wont listen. ive already put my original travel plans on hold ( australia and thailand) so i could go see her . now she starts saying why dont you spend your summer in the usa and ill go to england, settled". and then she says im moving to russia, no wait i think ill move to bulgaria.i dont know what to do. i love her but its too much and to impulsive. i just feel like giving up and i feel so crushed. like for 5 months weve been saying im going to see her in the summer and now shes moving to tn. i quit my job. i saved up everything i had. what the fuck do i do? shes guilt tripping me because she doesnt want to stay in america she wants to come here . :/
View related questions:
crush, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Nothing you can do about it now if you have already bought the ticket.
If you're having LDR issues, I suggest checking out the website lovingfromadistance.com. It's a large community of people who are in LDR's, who may be able to offer some friendly advice specific to this sucject. Hope to see you there :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Use your plane ticket and travel around the US without her if she's going to be so immature as to not understand that your ticket is nonrefundable. There are plenty of places to travel in the US.
Commonly known places like New York, Chicago, Seattle, St. Louis, Denver, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Las Vegas... and then uncommon sights, like the Sandhills of Nebraska (literally huge sand dunes and ravines in the middle of the Great Plains -- great for the outdoorsy type).
...............................
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Well, you see that's a problem because you had dreamt of meeting up in the States and just before you made it a reality(bought the ticket), she then changes her mind. I just have a doubt here because she seemed keen while things were internet friends but when things began to get real by buying a ticket, she got defensive or didnt want to further things. I do not believe you have anything here apart from a pen friend who doesn't really want you to come to the States. If she did, she wouldnt have thrown cold water on it. I would love to tell you to let all this go but i can tell that the ticket you bought is part of your dream to meet her. But, maybe it is only really an exiting dream. Is there any way you can sell the ticket? Ebay? Thanks
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Maybe you can sell your ticket and travel elsewhere altogether? Without her?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 she sounds immature and selfish... I think you offered a very nice comprimise you come here then both of you go back there.
IF she can't comprimise on this then I don't think it bodes well for a long term relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): ive already bought my ticket. and its non refundable. she mentioned it just before i bought my ticket, but i settled it by saying what we had been talking about for 6 months and the fact i quit my job ( well paid) to come see her. i tried to compromise with her as well. i come there for 2 months, you come back to england with me for two months. she wasnt hearing any of it :/
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 April 2011):
If you can't change your ticket is she really stupid since she doesn't get that you already have the ticket and cant change it? No offense to your girlfriend, but that one is a no brainer.
Go see her. Then if she wants to come see you after that she is welcome to, for the time you will be at home that is. Since you actually will be traveling too. But is she only talking for the summer? Why can't you go see her when your ticket says you will, and then she can come see you after or before that?
But yes, my no means do you pay for her! She pays her own way. If she is desperate to change your ticket she should offer to pay for the extra expense herself.
Being impulsive is good, but you already got the ticket... not much to do about that!
...............................
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (27 April 2011):
Hello,
To the poster...Am I right that you have already paid £400 for a non-refundable airplane ticket? Hannah.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): i agree let her come but DON'T pay for her expenses
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Absolutely let her come to England to visit you. You've saved up so much money, you'll be set while you're looking for a new job. Let her spend the money to visit you if that's what she really wants. Especially if you haven't met her or don't know her well and she's acting this way, it safeguards the money you've saved up should it turn out that she's going to be impulsive and change her mind all the time.
There's no harm in having a big savings account, anyway.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): the thing is. ive got uni in september. i spent 400 pounds on a ticket to come and see her. and after 6 months of saying this is what was going to happen. and then changing her mind about it. its fucked up. its my gap year and i wanted to go somewhere in the world. ive always been told never let anyone change you. well i havent and i know in my heart that in my gap year i want to see part of the world. i already put my original travel plans on hold because i wanted to see her and i love her. i dont want to stay in england the whole of my gap year. and the only reason she doesnt want to stay in america is because its too hot in the summer. weve never met each other. i dont know what to do anymore. i havent got the money to cancel my flight now.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Well if she wants to come to you well then let her. You can get to know her in England and show her a good time with all of the money that you have saved up. Off course you were looking forward to heading over to the usa on a trip. Maybe she culd come over for a few months and then you could go back with her and visit the usa, just be careful though have you ever actually met this girl? It sounds to me like she might actually just be messing you around and having fun with you over the internet. Just be careful.
...............................
|
