A
female
age
30-35,
*x-Scorpio-xX
writes:Hi, I am really sorry that this is so long and if anyone does read all of this then I deeply appreciate it. I’ve been with my boyfriend 'Carl' for 11 months now and things are pretty good between us and we’re gonna try and attempt a long distance relationship in September when we both go off to uni which we both are quite happy to do. However, one thing I’ve always been a bit wary of is that he has lots of friends who are girls~ I don’t really know many of them and there are quite a few a couple of years younger than us. I can tolerate this as I simply tell myself that he’s been friends with them all for longer than he’s even known me, and if anything was going to happen between them then it would’ve done. Also Carl was in a relationship with one of my good friends for a year and a half and he never cheated on her, and many of our friends say that he isn’t the type who would play around with girls. There is one girl though called 'Beth' (whose 2 years younger than us both) and I really can’t seem to trust her and I don’t know why. Her facebook says (I’m not her friend but I can see her wall and info) that she’s in a relationship with another guy since 2008 but the other day it changed into an 'open relationship' with him and then it changed into ‘a relationship’ without his name there so I’m assuming they’re having relationship issues. Carl has mentioned her once before, a few months ago, saying that I had nothing to worry about when she sent him a text saying that she’ll see him a later at a school activity and that she has cake (leftover from her birthday) for him. He told me that she sat on his lap and he pretended to grab her breasts but he never touched them~ I don’t think this really meant anything at all and am not too worried by it. About 4 weeks ago, Carl was going off to abroad for 7 weeks and he only found out a day before his flight and he spent the last day in England with me. Beth got extremely annoyed as he never told her he was going away and she was stating they had plans to meet up, though he said that they had never agreed on a time/place (I read this on facebook)~ which makes me think he doesn’t really care that much about her. Carl came home early(after 3 weeks) and me and him have hung out a lot and had fun. However, I’ve just checked facebook,and Beth’s put up a status with Carl tagged saying “Thanks Carl for a great day and (“Insert book title here”) XD You know!!” And after reading that I felt really odd. I do get jealous very easily and I am rather possessive and I have told Carl that I get jealous easily and he has told me on several occasions that he won’t cheat on me. Deep down I honestly really don’t think he will cheat, but there is just a nagging worry in my mind. Do you think I’m just over reacting and have nothing to worry about? Should I be cautious? He doesn’t show any signs of cheating such as not checking his phone or hiding it around me or acting differently towards me. Is there anyway I can trust him more? How can I overcome the worry in my mind? Do you think she fancies him a little or that it's just a friendship? I don't think it's fair of me to tell him who he can/can't hang out with(this part doesn't really apply to me because i don't really have any guy friends)Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate any help. :)
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female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (17 August 2011):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just a little update, I've talked to him now (he's been away) and he told me seriously that he had no feelings at all apart from friendship for Beth and he meets up with her sometimes due to the fact that they live really close to each other and all they do mainly is walk aimlessly around town and he completely reassured me so all is now good and i feel a lot better :)
Thank you all for your help ^_^
A
female
reader, Aunt Lucy  +, writes (30 July 2011):
Beth is pushing the envelope. My guess is, he finds her as annoying as you do.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (29 July 2011):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankies for your answer but I really don't think he's cheating on me. He never actually touched her breasts and that was a one off one minute type of thing where they were surrounded by other people at the school activity and were just messing around~ i'm 99.9% sure that didn't mean anything though i was a little concerned when he first told me.
Also I'm pretty certain they met in town as he told me he needed to go buy a birthday gift (which i know is 100% true) so its not like they were round each others' house in private.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): You`re welcome :-)
Have a wonderful weekend :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): he,s playing u,and cheating .it,s obvouis. Boob grabing? Come on! He,s telling u half the truth to ease his concience. U know it too. Be strong!
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (29 July 2011):
Xx-Scorpio-xX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your answers, especially to the first poster~ you wrote so much and it was really interesting to read.
In answer to your question no he doesn't tell me when he meets up with them~ i'm sure he would if i asked something like "what are you doing tomorrow?" and he'd let me know but he hasn't just casually dropped it into conversation before. However, i don't think he hangs out with other girls by themselves very often. They have known each other longer than i've known carl since they've been at the same school together for 5 years and i only joined a couple of years ago for 6th form, so i guess he just sees hanging out with his girl friends as normal. I do quite like the idea of asking if i can join them though if they go out again together as i met her once at school and she seemed quite nice and friendly.
He's on away again now for a couple more weeks but when he comes back I might try and have a serious talk with him about it.
Thank you so much! ^_^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): um. The situation is not great. I would tell him straight up,it makes you uncomfortable. Sounds like she has the hots for him,but i don.t think he feels the same. X i would want him to drop her completley.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): Hi- first of all -I do really understand what you`re going through... Let`s see if I can tell you anything that might help you (please try to ignore mistakes in grammar and stuff like this- i am not an american- but i`ll try to find the right words :-))
He reminds me of a friend of mine who I used to meet and date for a long long time...(almost 3 years)
I think-though you tell you do get jealous easily- you do handle the situation very commendable.. Carl should be glad that you really try to accept that he has several female friends and meets these. According to what you wrote Carl seems to be really reliable to me... Of course I understand how you feel if you read on facebook that he and that girl Beth met each other and she even stresses it by saying" had a great day"...and "you know what"... one question- does carl tell you when he and his female friends (especially Beth) meet? And would it be okay for him if you came with? Cause that shouldn`t be a problem if they`re just friends... I don`t say you should try to always be around him - cause that might annoy him and tear you apart..!! I think - from those things you`re telling- he seems like a really good guy- ... but there are some things I thing they`re weird: he tells you he pretended to grab her breast? hmmm...how old is he ??I think its really childish... I don´t really know what to say cause Ì think you already DO handle the situation great... and when a guy meets other girls in that way your boyfriend does there are only two ways to handle it.. : you really feel by heart that you can trust him (perfect situation!) or you don`t.... you should talk to him about that - in a very friendly and harmonic situation... tell him what you fear... if he understands it and tries to make you see "there is nothing to fear" (i mean nit only by telling it ) and you really do trust him by heart - than take that risk... Because otherwise you do distress yourself... As I told you I met a boy for a long time...he had a past in which he met many girls, and cheated a lot ... so I never trusted him ! Never- and I didn`t handle it in a way that you did!! I was in bad mood, I checked his mails and stuff- but now I realized he loved me more than anything in the world...but I lost it - cause I messed it...But for me it never worked...because he had that past - in which he always cheated and all of those things...I think that would hapen one day...definitly... What I try to say is- don`t hurt him - but even better - don`t hurt yourself...because you cannot fight your feelings and the only way to trust him is if he makes you do so and if you really feel like you CAN do so... if yu feel like you can`t than he is not the one... you only gonna sit at home and worry about what he`s doing... so grab him and be open...he should take you serious if he really likes you.
Wow...now I wrote a lot... (and ...please ignor all of those mistakes :-D)
By S
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