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I need help breaking the happy news to my partner!

Tagged as: Family, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 January 2018) 9 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hiya everyone I’ve been with my partner for 4 years we have a 2 year old son together the problem is I have just found out I’m pregnant which I’m over the moon about but the problem is he doesn’t want any more children ever he has said I haven’t told him yet as I don’t know how he will react any suggestions how I break this to him thank you

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntThe best way to break it to him is to just sit him down at home and tell him you are pregnant. Remember you have had a chance to deal with it and he may not react how you want him to, but there is nothing you and he can do now, you have both made a baby. None off us know how he is going to react but the best thing is just to tell him out off the way and hopefully he will be just as happy as you once he lets the idea sink in.

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A male reader, mis_2017 South Africa +, writes (11 January 2018):

don't stress. tell the dude and its a happy even so enjoy and all the best!

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou just have to go ahead and say it. Sit him down privately, then try to sound "normal" about it, rather than excited.

If he didn't want any more, you should have been on birth control and he should have always used condoms or had a vasectomy.

It's an unfortunate situation as, whilst you want this child, he didn't and may feel somewhat trapped by it. Having children should never be an accident.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2018):

I came on here looking for advice how can you judge me without knowing me I did not do this on purpose obviously I know how I became pregnant all I wanted was a bit of advice I won’t be coming on here for advice again all you get is insulted

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSorry, you don't just "find out" you are pregnant. You know how you become pregnant. This sounds to me like, despite his wishes, you have decided to go ahead and have another child, otherwise you would have been using effective contraception. That said, it takes two to make a baby and HE should have been just as vigilant about contraception as you.

For the sake of your existing child and the unborn one, I hope he reacts reasonably well to the news that he has another life to support when he didn't actually want this.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 January 2018):

Be happy, congratulations! If he didn't want another kid, prepare for a less than jovial reaction. Having kids with a man who doesn't want to marry you first puts you in this kind of situation. Will he be happy, or will he be upset?

What choice will he have? He made you pregnant. So I hope he takes responsibility and reacts positively to the news.

Why would you be asking unless you thought he'd be upset? If you're not on the pill and having unprotected-sex, what does he expect to happen?

Just point-blank tell him. Be happy anyway!

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (11 January 2018):

Just tell him. You’re over the moon and that’s what counts. You wil probably be surprised by his reaction.

And If he doesn’t want anymore children he should have taken steps to make sure it didn’t happen.

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2018):

Well you should tell him soon. Tell him privately. Don't say it's happy news, be neutral about it. He isn't expecting this and he may initially react badly. If you have previously expressed a preference for another child and he has insisted no more children you should be prepared for a pretty strong reaction. He may feel that you have broken his trust by allowing this to happen. We will never know if this is the case, and he will never know if you allowed this to happen,or it was an accident but he may feel that the trust between you has been broken. It may be a totally unreasonable assumption but he may feel like that.

Some aunts and uncles may say that if he didn't want another child, he should have had a vasectomy, that he shouldn't have relied on the status quo birth control. But that isn't how whole relationships work. In a functioning partnership having a child only happens when there is an agreement between the two in the partnership. If only one gets to decide,the relationship isn't functional. If you two weren't on any birth controland you both knew it-well you're both fools and he doesn't have any right to be angry.

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A male reader, TylerSage United States + , writes (10 January 2018):

TylerSage agony auntCongratulations, you're bringing new life into this world.

Things like these happen all the time in marriages. Sure, you PLANNED on not having any more kids but life has a funny way of surprising us. He's your husband, and sure maybe he may not be as over the moon as you, kids can be expensive and need attention etc. but I doubt he would be so cruel as to reject his own child simply because he didn't want anymore. Plus your son now has a sibling who he can play with and relate to in a way others can't. Now they both can complain to each other about how uncool the two of you are as parents for not letting them go to the party.

I think it's good in most cases for children to have at least one sibling. Think of it as an investment. When you guys have passed your son can turn to his sibling for support, Christmas meet ups, nephews and nieces. He won't be alone. Siblings can sometimes be the only shoulders we have because they are blood and blood can't be undone like friendship. To make it easier maybe you could text him the news or write him a letter. This way if he really is bothered by it he can vent his frustration in private then meet you with celebration and optimism. I hope he surprises you.

All the best.

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