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I messed up with my crush, can this be repaired?

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2018) 8 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2018)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I messed up with my crush. can this be repaired?

He immediately left and positioned to my right (the coffee machine is on the left). There were two other people standing on the other side (higher managers) and he just stood there next to me not saying or doing anything. there was akward silence. then eventually he broke the silence by saying to them ok I’ll let you go and get coffeee to the managers. I tried to make eye contact but he just looked down into his empty coffee mug. later he just kept staring at me. I felt he wanted to ask me out but kind of felt rejected.

The following days he changed his behavior from being flirtatious to being cool. At one stage he interrupted a conversation that I had with my coworker at the coffee dock and left with him totally ignoring me. I felt hurt. Later I caught him again at the coffee dock and I said I am sorry about last week at the coffee dock, I did not want to ignore you I just felt awkward. He said ‘what do you mean, I don’t remember this.” I felt so hurt that I said to him: “ I can’t believe you’re lying to me, of course you do remember. “ he nervously said “ I don’t. ‘ Then I said to him and ever since then you have changed my behavior towards me and you are ignoring me and your team is gossiping about me. He said “ I don’t think you know who my team is and why would I ignore you anyway.” He also said this is so awkward now. then he said he really had to leave. I spent the rest of the day fighting back my tears. I do realize people do project when they like someone but the moments we had were real and I don’t think I am projecting. I do have feelings for him and I am so worried that everything has been ruined. Is there anything now that can be done?

View related questions: co-worker, crush, flirt

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 August 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntOP I genuinely think that this man has not a clue what you are on about. It sounds to me like you have a crush and you made yourself believe that he did also. Then you do something minor and you think you have ruined things and you are leaving yourself stressed and hurt. OP you need to stay away from this man. Don't tell him you have a crush it will make things more awkward and well he probably already knows anyway. I think you need to avoid him as much as you can, be polite when you see him but that is all. You need to get over this. It is never a good idea dating in the work place.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2018):

I think you are also shy and this is partly why you developed this crush.

From everything youve written (which was a very good account) this guy has no idea that you had a crush.

I think you are taking the whole thing to another level by dwelling on it.

He considers there was no ill feeling towards you and then you snap at him as if there were a conspiracy going on behind your back.

Assuming the guy is normal he is wondering what the hell is going on.

Dont tell him you had a crush.

It just makes it worse.

If you must apologize then say that you are sorry you snapped at him the other day but you were having a bad day.

Then mentally train your mind to see this guy as someone who values his job and has a wife with a child on the way.

He doesn't want awkward gossip.

He doesnt want female attention.

He doesn't want rumours and dramas at work.

He needs the money to look after his family.

He studied hard for his knowledge.

He doesnt want any woman assuming that he is interested in him.

He loves his wife.

O.k. you dont need to worry

Once you accept there were no 'real moments' you will be o.k.

You need to value yourself and develop a more practical attitude to work colleagues.

Dont ever mention your crush to anyone at work.

You told us and we told you how to continue.

You just drop the matter entirely and look for another job if you cant control your hormones.

Or go to work as normal and concentrate on the job not this innocent man.

What starts in the mind can stay in the mind or you can take a gigantic mind eraser and push it into the past where it can hurt no one, including yourself.

Stop worrying about past mistakes and move on with the rest of your life.

I still think you would adore a kitten but they are not practical for everyone.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 August 2018):

Honeypie agony auntGood grief, OP

I think you need to leave the man alone before he things you are harassing him!

1. a relationship where you work is a BAD idea.

2. He doesn't seem as interested in you as you are in him.

3. I'm guess he has cooled down because he has noticed that you are acting weird around him.

4. YOU do know you are at work to.. WORK not flirt or hang out and try and catch hi mat the coffee area, right?

5. JUST because you have a crush on him... doesn't mean the feelings are mutual. Flirting doesn't always means a guy wants you. Sometimes it's just fun and a way to pass time.

If you are looking for a man, look OUTSIDE of your work place.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

is this 100% sure that I was projecting? He is not just shy? is it possible to know that 100% without having witnessed the situation? anyway I am feeling terrible and I don't know how to resolve the situation. Should I tell him that I acted the way I did because I have a crush on him. should I tell him the entire story and apologize? would that help? I don't know how to get out of there to be honest. I don't know how to feel better now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

I'm a mental health professional and being honest your post concerns me . As you may think you are not projecting but you totally have. He has no clue of what you are on about.. he has no thoughts what so ever . Take a breath and go see your doctor to find a counsellor to speak this over with as I can see this becoming more of a mess as you are unwilling to let him be

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

Should I tell him that I have a crush on him and misread things and felt rejected and therefore acted the way I did? At least he would then understand that I don’t hate him and why I did that? I am really beating myself up about the mistake that I made.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018):

This guy has no idea that you have been crushing on him and now you are technically labelling him the office bully with his team spreading malice and gossip.

He is concerned that this is a female way of getting hin kicked out of his job and has probably already gone to his human resources department to

express his discomfort at this situation.

Never harbour a crush as they never work out.

You really dont know this guy and you have fantasized him into someone he isnt.

Its so easily done but it portrays as a kind of mental illness because you are operating on a completely different level.

It doesnt make you into a bad person.

Its often just hormonal.

If you could get your mind to stop all thoughts of him as a romantic proposition you would cope much better.

Think about your own life carefully and your family and relatives and realise that your job left you a little cold so you developed a love interest to cheer yourself up.

Now is the time to let it go.

The poor man has no idea that youve had a deep crush on him and he need never know if you dont say any more.

Invest in a kitten if you want to be loved unconditionally as they are really cute and love attention.

If you cant do that then browse you tube for cute kitten antics.

Keep your thoughts away from this man or you may find you are accused of harrassment and that would be a sad end to an otherwise harmless crush.

Look elsewhere for romance which will come your way once you let this go entirely.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (13 August 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou have already made the situation awkward and that is BEFORE you have any sort of relationship. Imagine how awkward things would be if you had a relationship and it went wrong.

Mixing work and relationships is seldom a good idea (and is, indeed, frowned upon by many employers, as it takes away attention from work and redirects onto personal issues - as is happening here). I would respectfully suggest you concentrate on what you are paid to do, and that is work. Socialize outside work and leave this poor man alone. If you are really in your late 30s, you need to start behaving accordingly and not harassing someone just because you have feelings for him. Back off and let it blow over.

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