A
female
age
41-50,
*irlie2
writes:Long story short, I love 2 great Men. I have made some bad decisions, and want to choose right this time!"A" and I met a year ago on dating site. After 2 phone calls, I booked a flight to meet him. 4 amazing months with him, and I fell hard. We were together almost every weekend. I was ready to sell my house, find a new job, and move to be with him. Then he dumped me. He said that he did not feel as strongly for me as I did for him. He is a few years younger than me, but said he was ready to settle down, just not with me. I little part of me died when he shipped 2 large boxes of my stuff back to me.After the break-up, I was crushed. I started spending time with a guy at work, "B". After 3 weeks we decided to have a fling, nothing serious just great sex. B is a few years older than me.I still could not stop thinking about A. We planned to go on a fabulous vaction together before we broke up, bought plane tickets, etc. I decided to go on the vacation anyway, and sent him an email that I was going and he could choose to go or not. He could contact me while there, or not. I was thrilled when he called me the first day! We spent almost everyday of the 9 day vacation together, while he stayed in a hotel and I stayed with a girlfriend. That last night in town, I finally kissed him and it was better than ever. I did not tell him about B, only that I had gone out a few times.When I returned from vacation, I told B everything. He took that to mean that I was non-exclusive with either of them. I did not specify that with either of them. I spent New Years weekend with A, and then spent many more weekends with him.A few more months later, I was still dating (and sleeping with) both Men. B knew most of the story, and A thought that I was just good friends with B. I started developing a strong emotional bond with B, our fling started to be much more. I told A that I needed some time and space to sort out my feelings, but did not tell him the true nature of my relationship with B. Yes, I lied. I should have told the truth.After 2 months of apart from A, I flew out to see him and to end things. But, seeing him again, the way he kisses me, brought back all of those wonderful feelings. Then, he got out a little box (you know the box with the engagement ring in it), but I did not let him ask. Three weeks later, when he came out to visit me, I told him about B. He was hurt and upset. Then, he called B to tell him it was over. B had no idea that I would choose A, he was confused and hurt. Then he was in a car accident that night, not his fault, and totalled his car. He sent a text saying he "lost both his", so my mind went to worse-case scenario that he lost both legs in the accident. When I scrolled down, it was he "lost both his women in the same day" (me and the car).Since then, they know the truth - that I was seeing both of them for the last 6 months. I am taking a break from both of them, and they each want me back. I have to choose A or B. How do I decide?They are both wonderful, caring men with good careers, adore me and I adore them, and they make me happy. I am so torn. I feel horrible to put them through this, they both deserve better than me. But, for some reason they both say they love me and want to marry me. If I had only met one of these guys in the last year, I know that I would be planning our wedding right now. But, the truth is, I love both of them. How do I decide which is the right Man?
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a break, at work, broke up, crush, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, girlie2 +, writes (13 August 2009):
girlie2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt has been 2 weeks since my original posting. I have broken up with A, he was quite upset, but through it all he has been an amazing friend and trying to cheer me up (I am the horrible monster that cheated on him). I miss A terribly, and think I have made a huge mistake, which he now says is "probably the bext for both of us". It hurts like hell to be without him.I also tried to breakup with B, but he says Loves me and is not willing to let me out of his life. He knows what he wants (me) and is ready to do anything to get it. I find his passion very attractive and a little disturbing.I cannot stop thinking about A, and it is making me over analyze my continued relationship with B.Argggh, it should not be this hard to figure out my feelings, yet it really is.Any other advice to sort to sort this out? Do I beg for A to be back in my life, or do I give B the real chance that he is so eager for?
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Could you stand to let both of them go for six months? Perhaps things would be clearer then. It would allow them and you to decide what's really important.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): You have to separate the facts from your emotions. Make a list of the pros and cons of both men and then realize which one is the better fit.
Your welcome.
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