A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so in my interaction with the ladies, I've heard this line WAY too much: "you're such a great guy, a girl would be real lucky to be with someone as nice and real as you are." All the while I'm thinking, "if i'm such a great guy, then why don't you put your money where your mouth is and go out with me???"What is it that's causing me to keep striking out? Is being all nice and real a strategy that looks good on paper but is terrible in practice? I'm starting to think that there are only two types of strategies: ones that gets you the girl, and ones that don't get you the girl. What are some strategies that will actually get you the girl? (and no, i'm not talking about one night stands, I mean an actual relationship, though a one night stand sounds better than being alone...).At this point, I'm so frustrated that I'm feeling like it is better to lie and get the girl than to be honest and not get the girl...(sure, i'd rather not cheat/lie/steal to win, but it sure beats losing!). Dadgum, I'm 25 now and still have yet to kiss a girl. When I reach 40 and still haven't kissed a girl, I'm just going to hire a call girl and do it that way and at least tour the bases for once...Or should the next time I hear that line, I should challenge her to put her money where her mouth is, even if she is in a relationship?Does being 40 pounds overweight also hurt my chances? I'm not thin or anything but I'm also nowhere near a grande size individual, though I am working on cutting some weight, mostly because it's not healthy being way overweight.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Here, read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
Additionally, get into shape. Being 40 pounds overweight is definitely hurting your chances, not to mention your health. Eat a healthy diet, lots of proteins and fats but fewer carbs, keep the daily calorie count under 2500, with a big breakfast and a smaller lunch and dinner. Go to the gym, go running, do anything that will get you active.
It's not impossible for you - that you haven't been with a girl yet doesn't mean there's anything terribly wrong with you, only with what you're doing. If a certain set of tactics aren't working, change them.
If you take only one thing from this, remember: freely-offered commitment and love are cheap and meaningless. Women want to earn those things from a worthy man. Be the prize, not a supplicant. You can do it - best of luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Honey, if you have a 100 percent rejection rate on asking a woman out on a date, you have issues. Either you are asking out the wrong women or you have some personal issue that you don't recognize. Maybe the woman doesn't realize you are actually asking her on a date? Maybe you are only asking out the ones who have boyfriends or who have their pick of men? Have you asked out a 40 lb. overweight woman recently?
Rather than paying a prostitute, how about hiring a dating coach or matchmaker type to give you specific guidance to deal with your inability to actually get a date.
Think of it as maximizing your chances of getting a job. You show up, you interview, you have job training and skill sets, you present your best case for being hired and hope for the best. I expect you have something that needs addressing, it may be the weight or it may be something else. Pay a professional dating coach or matchmaker to tell you what it is. She will size you up and deliver the verdict. Then prepare to address whatever it is she says.
If you have asked out 100s of girls and not one has ever said "yes" to a date, there's something more than 40 lbs to worry about! Whatever you are doing, isn't working, so stop, pull over to the side of the road and select some remedial dating training help.
Otherwise, you'll just be here in another year, having done whatever it is you keep doing to no success.
Go get 'em. With a coach's help.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 You focus a lot on you being nice, and sort of insisting that what you are right now, the entirety of you, is enough to get a girl, yet you aren't getting any. So you fixate on "being nice" as if that's somehow the problem. You mention nothing else at all.
I don't know why you aren't getting a girlfriend. The thing is that there s a difference between attracting/getting a girl and KEEPING her. You need to be nice in order to keep her, but you need to be healthy in order to attract her. That said, tons of girls do date and maintain relationships with overweight men, but you will increase your pool of opportunities if you lose some weight.
As for why you aren't getting a girl.. who knows. You need to be a lot more specific about what it is you do/don't do and what your attitudes towards a future relationship is.
These women who tell you you are so nice, do you even know them? Who are they to you? Do they know you at a personal level? If not, then their words can't be factored in. Anyone can be nice in a single conversation, or upon first meeting. So if you meet a woman and she tells you you are nice, it doesn't at all mean you actually ARE nice, it just means that you give off a good first impression. And then maybe you lack what it takes to follow up and continue impressing.
Maybe you don't have people skills, maybe all you talk about is so specific no woman gets an opportunity to join the conversation, maybe you stare at their breasts, maybe you dress awkward, maybe you have a bad haircut, I have no idea. It could be anything. You need to be way more specific if you want specific answers.
Imagine if you were to sell yourself as a product, what are your good qualities, what would you like a woman to appreciate about you? And likewise, what are your bad qualities, qualities that you can work on or adjust? What is it you think goes wrong when you pursue a relationship, and how can you be sure that this is the reason?
I have a friend who didn't date anyone until he was 24 (me), and he used to think it was because of his looks, that girls didn't like the way he looked. The truth is he's handsome and attractive, and women throw themselves at him, but he's blind to it. He doesn't know how to flirt, and he doesn't know when women flirt with him. There was once a woman who's been all over him a few times, and at a party (I know this because he told me) she dragged him to the bathroom and flashed him her tits, as a last resort to get his attention. He just felt embarrassed about it and blamed her being drunk. Please. He could have banged her right then and there and she'd love it, but that thought wouldn't have ever crossed his mind.
Im' just saying... if you're like him then you are probably ignoring the actual reasons why you aren't getting a girl, and focusing on altering the actual good qualities you have. My friend wanted to alter his looks and look better, which is great in itself, but it really wouldn't have much to say on whether or not he'd attract women. The truth was he was attractive to women, but he didn't know how to flirt.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Maybe you are coming across and needy and desperate. Without knowing you it is hard to tell what you are doing wrong. Maybe you are just looking in the wrong places. Or else you are getting in to the friend zone with girls without actually showing them that you are interested in taking things further. Maybe you need to go out of your comfort zone flirt with woman, show them that you are confident and go in for the kiss. You need to be risky in life to get places so you need to come of as confident when it comes to woman. If there is someone you are interested in well then show them. Ask them out on date. Get some advice of friends and family. Try new things.
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A
female
reader, kate28 +, writes (13 November 2011):
Sounds like you're just a little behind on the dating scene and that you might be putting a lot of pressure on yourself which most girls can sense. I would try internet dating, and just try to go on as many first dates as possible without putting pressure on the situation. Make it your goal to just get comfortable going on a date, and then work from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): I dont know about others tastes but a bit of exta weight is appealing to me!
What isnt appealing is desperate, any port in a storm type of persona..not saying thats you!
If personal hygiene is good, clothes smart and a laid back take it or leave it attitude is there, fine.
You are maybe just approaching women that aren't your type or you theirs?
What are you looking for in a woman,what are your interests away from dating? How and where do you approach them?
Watch your mates that do have luck see how they do it. Cultivate friendships first rather than go head on into dating women.
Good luck x
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