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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am a divorcee and staying with friends. Opposite to my apartment one guy is staying. Since one year I have been seeing him. I got to know that he is interested in me and first I thought its just a physical attraction. But later on I felt that he is bit serious and I thought of informing him that I am a divorcee and just leave me. So once we met each other in his flat I said all my stories and he gave some advice as well to get through the hurdles in my life. When I was about to leave he asked me don't you love me, nothing I said. Then he just hugged me and said I love you. That day sex has not happened because I resisted. After that I was having a feeling to meet him again but I didn't go because of the thinking that I must not spoil his life. But again he was trying to meet me and once again we met that day sex has happened. After that I understood that he is physically addicted to me. Even I am also not able to control if I am beside him. Daily lunch break he is coming from office to meet me at his home but I didn't go. Then 2 or 3 days he stopped talking to me but again he only comes and talks to me. Around 1 month I didn't meet him after our first intercourse. He was so desperate when I am avoiding him and he came from office at lunch break to meet me. He said he just wanted to talk to me. I went there then he said why you are getting angry on me why you are not talking to me. I said if I am meeting you like this one day will come like I can't stay without you, which I don't want. By listening to that he was so happy and he just kissed me and took me to bed. Whenever I am seeing him even I can't control myself. I don't know what to do. He is just dying to meet me that only I understood. But this physical attraction will fade away one day and that day he will leave me. What I will do then? I just wanna get out of this relation. But I am feeling like he will never leave me in near future. But I don't wanna get hurt in future because I already suffered a lot in my life. Seriously I love that guy and I will never forget him because how actually sex feels that I understood from him only. May be he too got the same feeling from me. Now whatever my likes that only he is doing in his life . May be he is trying to impress me. Again I don't want a guy in my life because in my married life I had suffered a lot. Somehow I came out of that situation and now this guy has come into my life.But I just wanna move on because of the fear of getting hurt in future. Please help me out.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 January 2016):
 I am sorry that you have had a bad relationship to deal with, I can see that it has knocked your confidence. Does this man ever show you he loves you or is it all about sex? You need to ask him what does he see for the future? If you feel he is just with you for sex until someone else comes along, well then the kindest thing you can do to yourself is avoid him. But maybe this man does love you and wants to be with you. It sounds like he makes you happy so therefore ask him if he wants a future with you and if he does then allow yourself to be happy. What happened in the past is not your fault.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 January 2016):
 I sense that you are from a culture in which divorced women are an outcast and are only good for men to scratch an itch until they can find a more "suitable" woman with no baggage to marry. And that when men say "I love you" it means nothing unless it's backed up by actions.
Here, marriage is not expected to last and people are glad to hear you are divorced officially, but not just separated. Divorced just means single to date again, and nothing else. Also men here are scared to say I love you because it means life long commitment. If you are very sure that guy does not want a relationship, or you are not ready for one, then you should stop now.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 January 2016):
 So what you're saying is - you have an incredible relationship with incredible sex happening. You love him and love spending time with him, yet you want out because of what MIGHT happen??
Why??? And by the way, quit defining yourself as "divorcee" as if that's your only lot in life. Just because your ex-husband left you doesn't mean that ALL men are like that. THis guy is NOT your ex. Don't punish him or expel him because of YOUR baggage. That hurts other people!
No. Love *is* a risk, and if you love him and he loves you and both of you are enjoying being together, then get your head on straight and shake out the baggage moth balls before you screw it up for no real good reason.
Stay in the here and now. Leave the past in the past, and leave the bitterness over your ex there too. That's the only way to be free.
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