A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to deal with a long-time friend of mine. Is it possible that people can wear one mask for years and then when something happens just show their real face? Or does success change people?We've known each other since we were kids. I think we supported each other and were interested in each other's lives as friends are...Anyway, we're in our late thirties. She got a promotion and can finally do what she always wanted to.I started noticing little things at first. She was often unavailable and would call only when she needed something. The first thing was okay, since she started working a lot, but the second one started to bother me after 9 months or so of such a behavior.I also noticed that she lost interest in anybody else, mostly her old friends I mean. (she has some new ones now) I got an impression that she just politely nods when I'm telling her something, just waiting her turn to tell me whatever it is that she wanted to see me for.Unfortunately, it's not just an impression. As the time went by I noticed her doing the same thing to other of her friends.Fore example, a month ago I went out for a drink with a couple of our mutual friends to celebrate a birthday of one of them. She had told us she wouldn't be able to come. Without telling anyone, she did turn up suddenly all ecstatic, because of the thing that had happened to her. She completely ignored (she did't forget she just didn't care) our friend's birthday and treated us all as her audience. We were there to listen to her and admire... At one point I just turned off and observed the whole situation. There were a few attempts to put her back to Earth, but she would play nice for a couple of minutes and then go back to telling her stories.In the end all of our friends left, I stayed because I was waiting for my husband who was coming later to pick me up. We had no idea that everybody would leave early. Usually we stay much much longer.Anyway she stayed too. I probably wouldn't have said anything, but she started badmouthing the friends that had left, saying how selfish and jealous they were. I was ready for her to be self-absorbed but not her being mean. I honestly couldn't recognize her! I told her that I don't think of them that way and that she is probably too excited now to see things clearly. She wasn't happy, but she didn't push . I wanted to tell her that I care for her and am genuinely happy for her, but that I was worried a bit too and wanted to know what was up. But I didn't. I just didn't think she would d get it. I thought that she would just write it off as me being "selfish and jealous" as well. My husband came and instead of us having a one more drink all together (which we usually do) she left. I have no idea what to do now. I called her since, but she was always too busy.I thought about waiting for her to give me a call if she wants to talk. She hasn't called any of our friends.I don't want her to think that she's excluded. I guess that it's more the other way round.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 January 2016):
 Remember the words to this classic song:....
Oh, blahdee, oh bladah,
Life goes Oooon, on...
La, la, la, la, life goes on....
Then let her go her way.... you go your's... and if you and she interact in the future be polite and cordial....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): Thank you for your reply!
I guess I just need time to accept it.
Truth is I don't want to spend time with her the way she is now. The way she has been for months.
The only thing that bothers me is that she apparently interprets everything she doesn't like as other people's jealousy.
I'll wait for her to notice that I am pulling away, as you suggested and if she does then I'll tell her how sorry I am she turned from a friend to an acquaintance - as you so well put it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 January 2016):
 I think (as much as it sucks) that the close friendship you have had all those years have turned into an acquaintance instead. It does happen.
So I would treat her as such. I would not go out of my way to include her or be available unless you WANT to spend time. I certainly wouldn't be available for "favors" is she is ALWAYS the one asking, never giving.
I think with her promotion, hard work and good fortune she feel superior to the "old" group of friends, and honestly... someone like that is not a positive person to be around.
The fact that she ONLY showed up to someone else birthday to brag and be admired kind of makes me feel like, she isn't a very good friend any more.
So I'd just slowly back away. Either she will notice and ask what's up or she will be "relived" to not have to continue being friends with people she obviously isn't seeing in a very nice light.
And yes, I think it's a matter of her changing more than her showing her true self.
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