A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,just have a quick question: I read the text messages of a guy i have been seeing for a year and i told him that i read them. I also called a girl that he had fooled around on me with because she was texting him again. (I'll mention also that the text msgs were harmless, but I had a bad feeling because of the past)anyways, he's furious with me because I invaded his privacy, and i totally understand but the guy can look me in the eyes and lie to me.. i had no choice. (also i might add after talking to the girl, who lied to me, she called him around 5 times.. and i found out she deleted him off facebook and I'm pretty sure she blocked me) so what i wanted worked (her out of our lives) but now hes furious!! so I completely regret it now, and I wish I hadn't done it... is there any advice on how I can gain his trust again or convince him how sorry I am??i have already apologized (the night of, and the next day in person both times) he just told me he needed space.. so i haven't called him at all today, and It's so hard not to speak to him or see him.any help is appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I know you are feeling bad about this, and you think it was wrong of you to read his messages and stuff. But he hasn't exactly been a saint! He was in the wrong here.I wouldn't advise that you let him access your personal information, your phone. It sounds like you are trying to punish yourself, or to even the odds for looking on his phone. But honestly, there is no need. It must be more difficult because he is probably trying to make you feel bad, and somehow find a way of blaming you. But don't believe any of it!Put yourself first, and realize that you deserve to be treated better!x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for the advice, it makes sense that he is trying to turn it around to me, but you don't think looking at someone's text msgs out of the blue is a bad thing?? I'll mention again that we are not bf/gf.. we're just seeing eachother (for a year in may). I just want to know what I can do to fix that? Do you think offering him access to my private information aka my phone would do some justice? or would it make things worse?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): My opinion is that if you know he can look you in the eye and lie to you, he is no good. The relationship cannot last because you can never truely trust him and you deserve a relationship where you both fully trust each other. My ex was the same way, and I didnt know he was such a liar until I found text messages on his phone to a girl he messed around with behind my back. He totally denied the entire thing until I presented him with the evidence. My boyfriend now is the most wonderful person, and while we have our issues I know I completely and totally trust that he would never cheat on me and more importantly never lie to me. Trust me you deserve a better relationship and it is SOOO much more wonderful. You are young, I am 25 and I have never listened to people who told me that I was young and had a lot to learn still, but it is true trust me :) If nothing else, know that you deserve to be happy and you wont be happy if you cant trust him.
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A
female
reader, Malinka83  +, writes (14 April 2009):
Honestly, from experience...the sounds of it is that he's embarrassed he was caught, and so is jumping to the defensive. He'll do anything to make you feel bad, when you were just going on instinct. I've been married to my husband for 5 years, and my husband did some shady things as well, and I caught him, with proof, a few different times. The issue has since been resolved, but he jumped to the defensive every time, making me feel like a horrible person for even thinking he would do anything, when he actually did. If anything, sit down and talk to him. Ask him what you can do to make the situation right. But be sure to state your side. There was obviously a feeling you had that made you check his phone at that point. Good Luck!
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