A
female
age
41-50,
*hats
writes:I've been in contact with a guy, writing, texting and talking constantly by telephone. He told me that I was his girl and that it was hard to meet a good person in life and talking of future things we would do together etc. We arranged to meet, he came to my area, which took 4 1/2 hours to drive to, for the weekend. We got on great, really fancied eachother and seem to totally connect even more. I ended up going back to the hotel with him and yep I slept with him. I was so sure I wouldn't do this but seemed to just get caught up in the moment. All weekend he was acting, talking and treating me like I was his girlfriend. The weekend ended and now I haven't heard! I don't understand why or what I have done. Was I so bad to have slept with him? Should I call him or would I then look too needy? Was he just using me?x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Actually I had a similar experience this weekend, I hooked up with a cute guy, and had sex. Honestly, this is only the 2nd time I have done this in my life. He pursued me, from the start. Oh did I mention I live in Toronto, and he in NYC. I hope he calls me...I think the distance thing takes the pressure off everything. An email buddy would be fine, and perhaps we can meet again in a month or two. I have dated lots of guys- sometimes I sleep with them early, sometime we date for a couple of months and no sex. I will advise you having sex likely has nothing to do with why he is not calling. I'll bet if you only went to 3rd base, the no call situation would be the same.Trust me!
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi,
It's still only a few days, however that's about as much optimism as I can muster.
Speaking from a male perspective, I'm afraid plenty of the folk on my "team" use the internet to do just what's happened to you. Meet a nice lady have sex then move on to the next conquest. Once the lady has been bedded the attraction no longer exists. Men have an appalling double standard, if you sleep with the man, he then tells his mates that you were good for sex but what would be the point in going out with you because you are an easy lay. See what I mean? If I had a buck for every guy who I'd heard say this I would be a rich man.
Now, fortunately for you, a lot of us guys arent like this, we value committed relationships and even more so a loving partner.
I did not sleep with my wife for a couple of months as I wanted to get to know her as a person and be friends before we started a physical relationship. I simply did not want to put this relationship in jeopardy by trying to jump her at the first opportunity ( and believe me it was hard to resist ) .
Basically what I'm trying to say is if the guy really is interested in getting to know you he won't try and pressure you into sex. If this happens, you know his intentions.
good luck
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I agree with the others. I think you have to take the situation for what it is...you met a guy online, you slept with him and accept it for the good time it was. Unfortunately there are a lot of players on the net and elsewhere and it is easy to get carried away when they are telling you all that you want to hear. I have had a few dating disasters in my time so I understand how awkward you are feeling about him. When a man is really into you then they phone if they have been alien abducted to Mars; it only takes a few minutes to say hello and a gent would know you would be feeling insecure after what happened. I would leave him well alone and understand that when you meet the right guy he won't leave you standing around wondering and you will know for sure how he feels. You will then look back on situations like your weekend with a different perspective - know you deserve better treatment from men and if they dont respect you then surely they are not worthy?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I totally agree with Waterloo. Sorry..do not contatc him. Unless he's dropped off the face of the earth..I would think if he wanted you, he would be acting like a guy who is really, really into you. And it's just soo easy to contact someone, you care about. It takes 7 seconds to dial a cell phone number, a few minutes to send a quick email...no one is that busy they can't find the time in a 24 hour period to do this. Not the case here. When men are into a female, they call, text and email her constantly. They want to hear the sound of her voice, they want to connect! I think you may have to let this one go, hun. His actions are telling you, he's no longer interested and I am sorry. You now know there are some unscrupulous characters out there who do use others. Don't beat yourself up over this. Take what you learned, be strong and use that knowledge to discriminate.
Just note, there are wonderful, good quality men out there. You've now learned something that you apply to your train of thought when discerning what kind of man is good for you and your future. You will find a good guy...and always uphold yourself to high standards. Think smart and keep using your head from now on. And please, no sex with a guy until you get to know his character, his values , and who he really is. I always suggest not sleeping with guys until the 2-3rd month of steady dating. As I have said many times, if he pressures you for sex too soon, then you need to bail fast and really 'discern'what type of man he is. Dating someone is to select someone who is a good person and is good for our futures. Decisions should never be made in the sexual, romantic thrall. They are made with our heads and rationale. And take responsibility for your actions here too and remember sex does not necessarily dribve the heart of many men..to them it's sex and just sex. But females involve their emotions, once sex takes place. So take your time in the future. Now get out there and enjoy life, keep smiling and be positive. Take care my dear and the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Definitely don't be the first to call. Just like Ole Daniel says, Time will tell on this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): YES, i think you were used. you now need to move on and put this down to experience. do not get in touch with him again. wait for him to get in touch,dnt run after him. you not desperate!
take care xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Don't feel sorry for yourself, as long as your feeling when you slept with him was genuine then its good enough for you to feel contented.
Men usually tend to be that way, they might not be a user, but they are coward. Scared of what will happen next, scared of what you might demand - his time, attention or worst of it a relationship with him.
I had the same experience, I used to always feel that way, I realized that I just have to be positive with the things that's happening to me. So I decided to cherish the wonderful moments when we were together and tried not to expect anything from him..
Because from your expectations, is where your frustration comes...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Time will tell. Wait for him to call you. Maybe he hasn't called because he's busy.
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