A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a situation where I'm the other woman I feel terrible and I never thought I would get into this situation.Basically my ex and I broke up about 5 months ago we have a child together. He came up to see our child and things ended up happening he's been seeing someone I'm not sure how long for he said it wasn't serious ( I know he's had his cake and ate it) He's now telling me he wants to be with me but he needs time to think I'm not sure that's what I want because I know what he's capable of.What can I do to stop this situation from getting messy and out of hand I want to be civil for our child and I regret things massively I'm not being treated as an option whilst he choses who he likes the best.
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 June 2014):
 You know what kind of guy he is. YOU SAY you don't want to BE with him, but you STILL have sex with him even KNOWING he was seeing someone else.
If you can't seem to control the situation, then have him see his child at your parents/mom house or his parents/mom house.
He is DANGLING the "maybe I will choose you" so YOU will put out. Simple as that. He either wants to BE with you or not, you either want to be with him or not.
If you want to be his second choice (or 10th) that is YOUR choice. YOU are IN control of YOUR life and YOU can control the situation. NO sexting, no flirting, no talking of sex and if he hints tell him it's time for him to leave.
You can have a cordial "relationship" with him for your child sake, but I would suggest keeping the sex out of the picture, it's confusing for you and later on your son.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 June 2014):
 You ask: "...What can I do to stop this situation from getting messy (?)..."
Answer: Let him visit his/your son... and, once the visit is over, you go one way, and insist that he go another.... AND your "problem" will disappear.....
Good luck....
P.S. His ".. needs time to think..." REALLY means, "I can keep you on the hook for quite some time by saying this... since it keeps your (false) hopes alive and buys me still more time (to have sex with you)..."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): Simple, just shut the door on the potential of getting back together and never sleep with him again either.
You either want an amicable relationship with the father of your child or you want your pussy filled by a guy who is cheating with you, slowly letting the resentment build while he uses you for sex and plays mind games to get your legs open.
To me it's an easy choice. He's your ex for a reason and he should stay that way, the guy is obviously a douche that's playing you and another woman.
There's only one way to stop this becoming a complete mess of bitterness and resentment and you know it. Time to end all possibility of a relationship with him and close your legs to him too.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): "He's now telling me he wants to be with me but he needs time to think"
What he means is he wants to continue using you for casual sex at his convenience while he enjoys the freedom to see other women.
"What can I do to stop this situation from getting messy and out of hand"
Stop sleeping with him.
"I'm not being treated as an option whilst he choses who he likes the best."
You are as long as you keep putting out for him. Sorry, but he's already made his choice and it's not you. He's taking advantage of you only because you're letting him.
You need to accept the harsh reality that he's a lying, cheating scumbag who is also the only father your child is ever going to have so he's always going to be in your life to the extent that he chooses to be involved in his kid's life, which I unfortunately suspect is going to be not very much if he realizes that he can't use visitation as an excuse to lure you into bed.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): The only thing you can do is be honest with him and yourself.
If you feel it was wrong then say so, although there is a child involved, you need to be the bigger person and not let this continue if you believe it to be wrong.
In the end it will not be your fault for being honest and having your childs best interests at heart.
...............................
|
