A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been separated with my so called "husband" for a year now. We have a 2 year old son who is living with me in my parents house. I brought my son and left him last year after knewing he stole my money and jewellery for his gambling addiction. Its not the only reason why i left him. He cheated on me, all of his words are lies, a great manipulator, passive aggresive, self centered and also irresponsible as a father and husband. He used me as his atm. He asked me to lend money from my parents to develop his "business". He doesnt bother to hear whenever im being bullied by his family. Blaming me why im concerned with their bullies. He is and always right. He is always the victim of everything happened in his life. He blames me for his failure in his business, while the reason he failed is because his gambling addiction. He told everybody im not supportive and asking him to close the business. He told people why i left him because im not used to living a hard life and doesn't get along with his family that i choose to leave him. That i separated my son from him. Up until now, my parents still forgive him unfortunately, they still hope that we can get back and start a family again. Since last year, he doesnt show any remorse or guilt of what he had done to me. He broke my future by marrying him. He doesnt show any reponsibility like coming to visit us whenever he can. Its always me and my parents who called him to come and often he will reject by giving excuses like he is busy. He doesnt seems to miss my son. I can't imagine how i can live just 1 day without seeing my son and not seeing him grow. We are just too different.Im done with him. I dont believe and lose hope in him anymore. I just want him vanished. I even dreamt about his death on car accident once and what i felt is complicated. Kinda sad but relieved.I dont have any romance feeling left for him. Its funny, last time we had sex is when im 5 months pregnant and its when he needed money from me. Before that he gave excuses not to have sex while im pregnant. He is not a gay, he likes prostitutes. He has circle of friends who loves to use prostitutes and night life just like him.I have tried to go on with my life, its good up until now, my son is my priority, he made me stronger and motivated me to be better each day. I have tried to earn money while taking care of him by selling stuff online. Its not going really well. Im planning to do what i love, cooking. I want to sell dimsum. Im in the process of choosing the logo and brand while in the meantime stocking up and calculating the cost.My mom told me several times that she is pity on me, why i had a such terrible life. I know my family are hurt by my condition, im trying to prove them that i will be fine without him, that i can raised my son properly and take care of us well. Im trying hard to earn money, i cant have a good sleep at night and wake up very early in the morning and start thinking what can i do to earn money. Yesterday my son got a fever, and today i got a fever too. Finally i have a rest in bed but my mind is still running. Actually im very tired but i cant stop to keep figuring out how to be financially independent. My parents want to give me business to run it with my husband so that we can be close again, i dont think its a good idea, so i will try to sell food online. Food business is very tiring and time consuming, im doing it without the help of workers, due to covid and we dont find and permanent babysitter for my son anymore. Sorry for the long rant, i just want to give some update and talk to aunt and uncle here. Usually i got a relieve from my favourite uncle here with the feedback. Finally i have sometime to update. Thanks for reading. I will be very glad to read opinioans and suggestions from aunt and uncle here :)
View related questions:
bullied, cheated on me, gambling, money, prostitute Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2020): Here is another idea: coconut dimsum! It sounds delicious and you could make it in molds of stars..because your son is a little star and you have the ability and willingness to be a bigger star.Also it is very pleasant to look at the sky and see the stars twinkling in a clear night.Imagine mango and coconut dimsum you could mold into the shape of the sun.And a few little balls for the planets..Just the thought of dim sum is making me hungry!I think it is a delightful way for you to start carving out your future and you can display all your creations on an internet site but make sure they look as delightful as they are delicious.You could design your own molds out of remnants of plastic cut into the shape you want and then pour the mixture in and let it set.I like the concept of space but you choose whatever you want to sell.I love the idea of coconut dim sum but maybe that's just because I think coconut is a wonderful flavour.Whatever it is that you choose to create it will be your own hard work that brings you the success that you want.But please stop worrying so much.You don't need to worry on a daily basis because it will exhaust you and it won't make you any richer.Just go step by step because you have a roof over your head and you are in control of your life.It is very important to spend time with your son and to rest as well!And possibly you have got through the hardest part of your life already.Now that your parents can see how serious you are they should become more supportive.Eventually they will stop trying to force you to go back to your no good ex husband and they will one day look at the clear night sky and remark what a wonderful daughter you are!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2020): You have found the strength to take you from a terrible situation and to put yourself into a better situation and you should be thankful that you have the character to do this.Unfortunately you were hoodwinked by your husband who saw you as a means of getting cash from your family who are well off.You explain yourself very well and I am glad that each day makes you stronger.The good news about your situation is that you have wonderful parents but the bad news is that they are socially conditioned into wanting to coerce you into getting back with the husband regardless of the misery it would cause you.II have noticed dim sum beginning to become more popular in western supermarkets and there is no reason why your particular brand of dim sum shouldn't become more successful over time.Maybe you could vary the general theme by making smaller dim sum for smaller children so that there is less wastage.Or perhaps you could change the shape of your dim sum to something that appeals to children e.g. a simple design that you could create.You could also branch out and make a double dim sum that looked like a snowman for example.And you could approach multinationals when you are ready.The thing I really admire about you is your honesty and bravery and the way that you won't be forced into a worthless relationship.I love your resilience even though you feel cornered.This is what makes a person really great and you have already taken steps to be yourself when others would have given in.On that note I am thinking you could model your dimsum in the shape of a shield!Without knowing it you are steadily moving towards a happier and more harmonious space in life.Could you make dim sum in the shape of a rocket?Or could you add a little food colouring and make your dim sum into a flying saucer?Because you clearly have potential to be an innervator and you are creative.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 November 2020):
 Thanks for the update!
I think you are doing the right thing, you are putting your son first. And to do so you want to be independent. Which is also very good.
I think you are right that starting anything financially (or otherwise) with your estranged husband would be a bad idea. Maybe sell your parents on the idea that YOU can start it and IF at any point down the line YOU want to reconcile with your estranged husband, he can work in the business with you. For now though, HE is not the priority, your son is. (and I say that with the caveat that you DO NOT have to WANT to reconcile of you don't think it will work).
Also, work on a business plan. Start small. Be realistic. Make that work, then think bigger.
I hope you and your son start too feeling better soon.
Lastly, your husband will say whatever he wants other people to hear, he doesn't seem like the kind of man who takes responsibility for his own actions. Maybe he was raised that way, maybe he just IS that way. There is NOTHING you can do about that. If Anyone ASKS you, you can set them straight, but know that you have absolutely no control over what he thinks, feels, does or says. So worrying about what HE does or says, it's pointless.
chin up!
...............................
|
