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I have a boyfriend but kissed my married manager at work and now I'm all messed up!

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 May 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am in a tricky situation.. I've been with my Boyf for 4 years I'm 20 years old and recently got my dream job.. My manager is 25 and married. So recently I put in for another job within the Same organisation, however I was told my manager picked another boy on my team.. I confronted him about it and asked what the process was behind choosing him over me and he said that basically he didn't want to lose me from his team... I thought it was a bit strange but anyway... Few days later he started texting me at work a bit flirty.. I was doing it back and then he asked the team if we all wanted to go for drinks.. We did it was me and him left and he basically poured his heart out to me said he got married too soon.. He has a connection with me.. And then we kissed... He paid for a cab home and got the cab home with me and he carried on home. He got home and text me that he meant what he said and wanted me to stay.. We then wasn't at work for a few days and I didn't hear a thing from him.. I then got a text the day we were due back.. It seems that he only texts me when he is at work... I called him today but he was blunt trying to act professional and my mind is literally going everywhere. He has helped me out so much with work and he is a lovely person but now my heads a mess I can't stop thinking about him.. I've just been really blunt with him and don't know what to do... I feel like an idiot

View related questions: at work, flirt, married man, text

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (20 May 2015):

Garbo agony auntYou are in a pickle. You know that no married men cheat on their wives because their marriage is bad; they cheat because they don't care about any women, you included. Your woes are compounded now because the cheater is your boss. You boss basically wants to bang you with impunity and he knows you will not squeak because he has power over you. He may speak words of niceness, but basically he just wants sex in unlimited quantities and is using his position to force you in it.

Your best bet is to quit the place and not be a victim to what to me constitutes as rape. You maybe a willing participant but in essence you are victim of a combination of coercion and vulnerability.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, you SHOULD feel like an idiot, because what you did WAS idiotic.

Not only did he pull the whole "my wife" BULL CRAP (I married too soon is just a variation of blaming the wife for him not being happy) and you fell for it hook, line and sinker. Thinking that you somehow is SUPER SPECIAL to him, when in fact you are not. You were just someone to flirt with and rub he wee little ego.

So WHAT did you get out of this? You cheated on your BF, mind you it was a kiss and some flirting... but it's still not something FAITHFUL people do, you would be devastated if YOUR BF did the same thing behind YOUR back, wouldn't you?

So what do you do now? You BEHAVE like a grown up. You keep looking for a transfer and you DECIDE what to do about your BF. That is up to YOUR moral compass whether you tell him or not. And maybe you need to reconsider your relationship. Have you perhaps outgrown your BF? What exactly made it SO east for you to do what you did without any consideration for your relationship/BF?

Be professional at work, don't text him and chat or hang out, or go for drinks... NOTHING regard him as your boss ONLY. So do your job and if he tries anything tell him to quit it, he is married and you already HAVE a BF.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015):

I'm glad you feel like an idiot. You've learned your lesson and that means you'll behave from now on. Your head shouldn't be so messed-up; when you've always had the option to refuse his advances. Do you care about your boyfriend? What would you expect a man with a wife to do?

Instantly throw away his marriage and fall into your arms?

You may as well stop thinking about him, or get another job. I feel like a broken-record( or parrot), consistently telling people not to date or romance where they work. You don't poop where you eat, and you don't sex where you collect your paycheck.

It ought to be common-sense that if things don't workout, it would be awkward. You cheated on your boyfriend, so this is a little dose of karma. You're in a private little hell.

You only kissed him; so pull it back together, and stay away from him except where it relates to the job. Use some self-control, and don't act like you've lost all sense of reason. That's a lame excuse. He's a married-man and you have a boyfriend. I had to use tough-love here; because that's what you need!

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