A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am an african american female. i am currently dating a white guy who i really seem to like but i get a lot of criticism from friends and family, not really bad things just teasing. His family all love me and they are the coolest people. He makes me feel like i'm on top of the world,I never knew i could feel this way about someone, and i think he may be the one, he talks about marriage a lot and has no concerns at all about our races, but i don't want to be "teased" by my friends and family forever because of who i have chosen to be with. I guess what i'm asking is, dating is fine, but what about marriage?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Gald to hear it got sorted :)
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Aww that's so great to hear :) Well done, it's not easy standing up to your family and doing what is right.
No problem, anytime!
All the best for dating and the wedding!:P
Stand by your man!
:)
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for those of you who had supportive advice for me!I took your advice and I sat down with my family today and explained to them how i felt about this guy and how it makes me feel when they say things about him. They apologized to me and said they never meant to hurt my feelings and that they had absolutely nothing against him as a person and that his race really made no difference to them, they were only being silly but didn't realize the effect it had on me. They also didn't know we were that serious. I told them it was because i never wanted to mention him to them or bring him around much because of the things they said. So to make a long story short, my parents invited the both of us to their house for dinner so they could get to know him the propper way. I can't thank you guys enough! You really helped out a lot! Now i just wish i would have done this a long time ago! Thank You Thank You!
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Anonymous poster, just where the hell are you going with that?
Last time I checked, no one is like that on this site. It's certainly not "reverse" discrimination, just because it's black people not accepting a white man, because guess what?
It's discrimination no matter what way you put it, though I assure you, I would not be nailing someone to a cross because of who they love. Nor would anyone else here.
I'd also like to point out that we don't usually get a personal description of the people we're advising on this and there very well could be many bi-racial couples asking for advice.
So would you tell a different black woman to stop sleeping with her white lover and be with her own kind, if she's fallen in love with him, for example? Just because she's been specific about herself and him?
What does race really matter anyway? We're all the same on the inside, we have no distinguishing features that define each race and it bothers me that people still do not accept that you can love anyone you choose, regardless of race!
She's only aware of the fact that her boyfriend is white, because everyone else keeps pointing it out and teasing her. Of course, she's going to be a little worried, not everyone is ready to accept that there's nothing wrong with dating outside of your race!
And sadly, thats not going to stop, some people are always going to have something to say about it - but she can at least, ask her family to take her feelings into consideration.
She feels that he's the One, so why should they stop their child from being happy? Because she's in a love with a white man?!
I'm sorry for that, Ms.Poster, that comment just annoyed me - and obviously took you by surprise with your follow-up of "WHOA!".
My answer still stands. If you want to marry him, then you go right ahead and marry him. But first speak with your family and friends - if they choose to remain narrow-minded then that may be something you need to deal with.
At least your man's family is supportive of your relationship so it won't feel like it's you two against the world.
Take Care
XO
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (20 July 2008):
Sorry anonymous reader underneath who says that a white person would be nailed to the cross on this site if they asked the same question because I DEFINITELY would never "nail them" and I'm absolutely POSITIVE that other aunts wouldn't do it either.
Hello Question asker,
If you want to date or marry this guy then do it. Only you and this guy are in this relationship, no one else - so it's up to you.
I'm not going to go into an answer that goes into the topic of race because it's the same as any other problem in being with someone who your family is not so keen on - age difference, what kind of clothes they wear etc. Race isn't a problem to me and it shouldn't be to anyone else - just my opinion.
Anyway, if your family and being really horrible about it, sit them down and say "I feel that you're not even trying to get to know him plainly because of his race. When did it matter what people looked like on the outside? He makes me really happy and I feel that you're not trying to understand that. It really upsets me when you make comments about him and I'd ask you to stop it because you should be happy with our relationship if I am."
Use phrases that start with "I feel..." or "I think.." because saying " YOU HAVE..." or " YOU NEVER..." will make them feel accused, but with phrases about how you feel, they can't judge your feelings.
Do this with your friends too.
Don't let anything get in the way of your dreams, hun.
If your on a cloud, don't let anyone tear you off of it.
If they don't listen, you could always have a chat to your boyfriend's family and see what they think. If they're really nice, I'm sure they'll be able to chat to you and look out for you :)
Take care and all the best
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWHOA!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Right, you think he might be the 'one' but willing to give that up because your family is making racist comments.
Oh I forget, blacks can't be racist, but I got news, your family is.
Sure, it may seem harmless but do they do these things when you date a man of the 'proper' race? If not, then they are simply racist and you will have to decide wether that is worth ruining a possible relationship over.
It ain't easy dating outside your own circle, you will get comments and they won't stop either with time. Some people just don't like it if people break boundaries. You would hope that by now simple issues as race would be of the past but lets face it, even on TV, the rule still is, white dates white, black dates black.
But do you want to be stuck in this? From what I get from this forum, the one is rather hard to find. Do you really want your family to dictate your future?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (20 July 2008):
 I wouldn't be so concerned about your differences. It's what you have in common that keeps you together.
Be prepared for a lot of teasing. The minute that you marry, there will be ALL sorts of comments - About HUSBANDS and WIVES.
Any other "type" of comment is coming from a Total Idiot, and I'm quite sure that all of the Aunties will tell you to just IGNORE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin +, writes (20 July 2008):
Sometimes people tease other people about the things they chose or who they chose to be with without actually taking into consideration how it actually makes the person feel. They don't always mean to hurt the person.
It doesn't matter who you marry as long as that person treats you the way you want to be treated, loves you, respects you and wants to be with you. So if they go on to tease you just tell them you dont like their comments and ask them to stop.
Dont pay attention to negative comments because, even though your friends and family may tease you, you need to be strong to deal with the assholes who dont agree with inter racial families and are just flat out racist. You need to remember all of it is just ignorance and stupidity and shrug it off.
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A
female
reader, scrazy +, writes (20 July 2008):
Um, of course it's fine!
Race has nothing to do with how you two feel about each other and if you want to get married, then you go ahead and get married.
Tell your family that you don't appreciate their criticism if it bothers you that much; I know it would tick me off! (I'm a mixed female and I like white boys - which is how it goes for the majority of my family on my mother's side, but my father's? Is a different story.)
Your family's teasing sounds like it's going to put a hinderance on your relationship with your boyfriend and I really do think you should talk to them before you decide to get married - because it's not going to stop just because you have a ring on your finger.
Hope this helps, all the best to you and your man!
XO
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