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I found out my wife was/is a call girl. How do I end this marriage with the least amount of pain?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 August 2014) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2014)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hi lovely people out there..... im really in mess. i do need your help so desperately .... please.

Here is my story. i married a girl just 3 months ago. i knew her about a year. I happen to know her by a friend i used know. She was her relative and from the same place. She knew all about her family. She was such a nice humble and down to earth girl. and very beautiful. i liked her a lot. And she liked me too. and we got married. then stayed together for a month. We had good time probably best days of my life. and i left her as i had to come back to UK. she was living in singapore with her family. we both are from asia, same country and almost same place.

shocking thing is i found out she was just a cheap call girl prostitute, an escort a week ago. she tells me shes been doing it for five years without her parents notice. only her sister knows shes just 2 years younger then her. they both are call girls. when i aksed what influenced her to be that kind she tells me it was her curiosity and she loved meeting different men so much.Now problem is im so shocked i dont have any idea whats the right thing to do?

I loved her a lot. and she is begging me to give her a chance. she wants to change for better. but im sure i cant live with her knowing all that horrible thing. And how can i trust her she was doing it while she was with her ex boy friend? whats certain that she wont do it again as she hates working for long hours and gettng paid so just looking for the best way to end this marriage without hurting any one my family and her family. we both are from very good respected family. sometimes i do fear she might commit suicide. Because she tells me i was her last hope she had, and she has nothing to live for. once she told me she loves me a alot. if i decided to leave she will commit suicide. And sometimes she tells me to just let her go and live my own life. Even those kind of her statement makes me confused. please tell whats the best thing to do?

View related questions: cheap, escort, her ex, prostitute

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

Abella agony auntShe has had no trouble deceiving her own parents and her extended family. So she is being the same with you. She sounds manipulative.

you can certainly encourage her to talk to about her threats to suicide, though I think she is possibly manipulating you. However such threats should not be treated lightly. If she is depressed and suicidal she needs professional support.

That she has threatened suicide is not a reason to stay in a relationship where the love is ebbing away due to her dishonesty.

She has lied to you. She has mis-represented herself to you. That is a shameful thing to do to a spouse.

A happy couple has transparent honesty between each other and still love each other all the same.

But lies, half truths and hidden issues breakdown trust. You then start wondering what else don't you know? Other what else issues might be hidden sexually transmitted diseases. A partner who was born under one sex and was later given medication and even surgery to present as the opposite sex. A partner with many hidden financial problems that were not divulged when the couple courted nor after the couple formed a permanent relationship.

Get your finances in order now and protect your own finances from any future attempts to plunder your finances while she still has easy access. If she thinks for a moment that you intend to leave her then your finances will be vulnerable.

I suggest that you get some counselling to help you deal with your feelings about this betrayal. Your Citizen's advice Bureau may be able to provide you with some local therapist's names. The counselling will help make you more able to face the issues confidently.

If after the counselling you decide that you do not want to continue in this marriage then get organized and ready to divorce your partner.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntmy knee-jerk response is, you lucky dude you, an experienced and (I assume,talented) wife with an income.

Then, I think, whoa this guy doesn't want that kind of response, so I think,OK he wants to hear how awful it is to be with her and is looking for reason to leave her, OK so go then! Good Luck

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A female reader, Behavioural Analysis United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

Behavioural Analysis agony auntI think you just need to divorce her and I'd urge you not to rush into marriage next time.

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A male reader, lifesgreat United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

you have plenty of reason to end the marriage.

And do not need to worry about how it effects other people you married this girl thinking she was something else so it her own doing .

Just get divorced and move on .

Good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

When I first read this, I was ready to stick up for your wife.

A while back someone posted who said he wanted to divorce his wife because he found out she was not a virgin and had slept with her previous long term boyfriend. I thought he was ridiculous, she had been brave enough to be honest and he wanted to throw it back in her face - it wasn't a big deal anyway and she'd chosen him and it was only one guy, so what did it matter?

So I started out thinking the same thing with you, that it is her past which she can't change, that she was honest and deserved credit for that. That maybe you shouldn't just jump straight to divorce and work on accepting it, knowing her past doesn't change the girl you fell in love with.

Then I read the last part and changed my mind.

I think you should leave.

The fact that she said you were her last chance suggests she deliberately kept this from you to trap you in the relationship. And anyone that threatens suicide if you leave them doesn't deserve any sympathy at all, it is emotional blackmail and very immature.

I'm sure your family would understand if you were honest, but if you don't want to be, for her sake and yours, I'm sure they will eventually accept it.

Just be upfront with her and tell her its over, that she betrayed your trust and it is not something you can forgive.

Best of luck to you.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

oldbag agony auntThat must have been a great shock to you. She is not the girl you thought you had married. She should have told you before you married so you could make an informed choice about her being your wife.

She didn't play fair.I feel for you.

I don't know her reasons for doing it, if she is poor and her family poor - but they must have known she had money - earnings from somewhere surely for the last 5 years?

I would simply divorce her, you have done nothing wrong. She cannot emotionally blackmail you, she kept a huge part of her life secret in order to get you to marry her. She tricked you.I am sure your family would understand, but if they don't well, its your life she has ruined - not theirs.

You need to be free to find happiness in the future.

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