A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i neeed some help.. i would realy appreciate every replyBasically I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years our relationship was going extremely well we were like sole mates we trusted each other with all our heart..I could feel his love and affection he could feel mine. we were inseparable. I went on holiday and he said he could not live without me so caught the next plane out to come and join me on my holiday. The next day I seen some text on his phone from a girl saying "i miss u baby" etc and he was replying saying the same. I was heartbroken and confronted him and we had a massive fight well I did. He tried to convince me it was nothing and there were just words etc and told me he met her on the plane and its only because he was flattered that he got attention because for the past few years he has not,, as he has put on weight etc and he doesn't feel good in himself and he begged me to take him back and try and put it behind us he said I cant leave him as he cant live without me etc.I decided to forgive him however my heart is broken I can see he is trying but am just soo heartbroken I don't know how to get over the pain, and I start and argument with him over anything small. and I can see he is getting sick of this attitude as he sees he is trying and for this relationship to work I need to move on and forget about it but I cant its always there in my mind and its really affecting me its not healthy as i cant even eat.. I never thought he would betray me I want to just move on i really want things to go back to normal but how do I do that..how can I forget this pain. I feel as tho my attitude will push eventually push him away and i can see his truly sorry but I've got this fear that he may do it again.. or that he doesn't love me I know he does but all sort of things go through my head :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): you know, this same exact thing happened to me only a few months back. my girlfriend and i had been together for about two years, as well, and i never saw it coming and it completely blind-sided me. one night i was online trying to check my facebook account and noticed she left her page up. my curiosity got the best of me and i read her messages. i saw that she'd been messaging someone else and they'd been messaging her saying the same type of stuff. "i miss you baby", etc. turns out she'd been carrying on a relationship behind my back for a couple of months. i was devistated. when i first confronted her though, she tried to lie, and cover it up by saying it was her friend messaging this person from her account. but i knew better. she finally caved and came clean. but this story sounds fairly similar to me as far as believability. when it seems like such a far stretch to be the truth, it probably is. and it sounds to me like he's full of it. it sounds a little too unrealistic to me that he met this girl on the plane ride there, yet they were already texting and calling one another baby. i'm just not buying it. so the first step i would suggest to you in this situation is to find out the real truth.
after that, if you choose to stay with him, you both need to understand that this is going to require a ton of effort on both of your parts, and you both have to be 100% committed to making that effort or it will never work. if you choose to forgive him, that literally means that you have to put it behind you and let go of all of the negative feelings, as hard as that is. as long as you focus on the negative, you will never be able to move forward together. this doesn't mean forget. don't get me wrong. just forgive. and he has got to do his part to prove to you constantly that he's trustworthy. he must be willing to comfort you and show you through his actions that he's faithful. this is a full time job.
cheating destroys relationships. it's toxic. once trust is broken, often times people find that they can never fully rebuild it again, and they constantly worry about what they're partner is doing and with who. and worrying about if they're lying, etc. it's exhausting. believe me, i know the feeling. if you choose to stay with your boyfriend, i wish you the best of luck. i know it's tough. just be prepared for an emotionally bumpy ride.
A
female
reader, untamed heart  +, writes (23 April 2011):
You found a text and whatever you do you can't seem to get rid out of your mind.Lemme ask you sweetie, do you really love your boyfriend? Is this the first time you felt he did cheat you? Do you still trust him now? Can you see your life happy with him or without him? In a relationship, there will always be ups and downs especially in the married life. It doesnt mean that we are honest and our parners won't ever cheat us.Just s simple "i miss you" isn't worth to throw your relationship away and be sorry later if you love him. If you read a message like " I enjoyed that night and terribly missing you honey" then i guess that is really foul and heartbreaking. First and foremost, we must not read someone's msg for us not to be hurt with what we will see and will mis interpret that can cause the relationship to break.It was a simple miss you thing and any friends can say that. You sisn't see his effort of coming to see you? Aren't you a loser for allowing the message to spoil your holidays together? You could have been so happy if you did not allow that jealousy to sink in your head. And even if he commits a big mistake, if we love the person we can accept the mistakes but to a certain limits. If things happen like this, just ask youself: can i leave this man because of this or shall i forgive him and forget for us to be happy. Give it a chance and ignore those petty quarrels as much as possible. Talk to him nicely and tell him you don't want to happen it again as you are a very jealous girl and i believe he will not entertain messages like that or he will erase that message right away. You arent married yet but look at how you react to the message alone. Confronting the owner of the message won't help. You will just place yourself down and let the other person feel happy that you argued over her message. Be proud of yourself and let him feel that you are you and worth of his love and attention that whoever he may be intouch with and meet along his way, you are assured of his love. Remember by the way that in a relationship without trust is useless. When you love someone then trust him and if he doesnt worth your trust then its high time for you to decide.What is the point of being with the one you love yet you always have a cloud of doubts? Remember too that you are not with him 25 hours a day and even if you safeguard him all his life, you can never read his mind nor hear his heart...So just love,forgive, forget and trust.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): Aunt Honesty said exactly what I was thinking.
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female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 You feel being betrayed and you feel the pain, and it is hard to forgive. You don't see him the same person anymore and you lost that trust you have for him..the ill feelings just come spontaneously...you cannot coax yourself to be ok and forget.. it's like a shadow, always following you and you feel devastated.. Girl, you need to take a break from this present predicament. I suggest you give ample time for yourself by taking some deal of thinking of what is best for yourself at the moment..you are hurt, and you need time to nurse yourself from this pain by detaching yourself from him for a while,stepping one step behind and... breathe fresh air.It takes a little while to settle your emotion ,and you need your sanity to nurse yourself in coping up with the ordeal of harboring this feelings. Try doing it by yourself without him to heal yourself until you are ready to face him again after you have forgiven him ,and you are ready to give him another chance..the pain of being betrayed is real and so agonizing to the person who has invested full trust to the partner that a simple " forgive and forget" thing does not come easy.On the lighter side, many men sometimes get the real "macho" feel by feeding their egos thru playing around with some available girls without being too serious with them. He might have been indulging in such casual flirting thing which, he enjoys the "attention without intention" game with some willing girls around. But.. if emotions are involved, it's a different story which raises an amber signal for a serious consequence to a wholesome relationship he is having with you. Had you not caught him red handed,his involvement with that woman may go deeper than you know. But, better be aware of some behavior he might have which you don't know about. Two years may be quite a while to know well about your boyfriend, but mind you, number of years of knowing a person does not guarantee he won't cheat you in the long run. Even couples who have been married for years are prone to temptations and betray their partners..give yourself time to evaluate your boyfriend's behavior and assess the potential of future betrayals. Then, decide whether to forgive him by giving him another chance to rectify the hurt he has caused you, or..free yourself from future heartaches..whatever you decide to do, don't forget to put YOU on top of your list. Remember, what is best for YOU will be your number one priority.The rest comes next.What is important is you are at peace and happy in your love relationship. If things don't go well and your feelings for him stay the same.. cold and indifferent even after sometime, give more thought to moving on with your life, better without him. Life has many colors. What may appear bright and clear from near will not be the same from far..take a good look. Everytime you are with him only reminds you of what he has done, and oh! boy, it hurts real bad!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 Well sweetie when a guy betrays your trust this is what happens. It is always at the back of your head niggeling and it makes you feel insecure. Its normal to feel the way that you are feeling and am afraid he is just going to have to live with it because he is the one that done wrong. You need closure. Maybe it would be good if you could talk to the person that sent that text to him and ask her what the story is. This might put your mind at ease. Because it does sound suspitious that some girl he met on the plane texted him such an intimate message like that. I think if she could confirm his story it would help you.I realise you dont want to lose him. But you need to tell him exactly how you feel. Every horrible feeling you get you need to tell him and be open to him about it. In time you will regain your trust for him if he is trustworthy but tell him he has made the mistake and now he needs to work hard to fix it. Goodluck sweetheart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Aww, i'm so sorry for your pain :-( I've been frew the whole, betrayal thing and i will never be the same again! I carn't believe he took another women's number full stop, when he's with you. He crossed the line big time! How would he feel and react if you did this to him. No matters how much i loved someone, i would never give them another chanse, just doing something so awful. Even if i knew they would never do this again.Well, the thing is with men, they don't think the same as women, so they think that unexptable behaviour is ok, even though they wouldn't like it themselves. The thing is with men, a'lot of them will cheat, just because they know they can get away with it. I do however believe, with everything i've been frew, that their are good, faithful men.Ur boyfriend, should not have took her number full stop. It's one thing to be faltered, but to actually go as far as taking her number!!! This spells dezaster. If he can take her number behind ur back then he could go as far as sleeping with her. He obviously didn't care enough about your feelings to get her number so what's to stop him doing more! 2 years is nothing! It's all new and fun so what bout when you get to 7 years (7 year itch). If it was me i would finish with him again. If you love him that much and do want to get back with him then you should make him jump frew hoops before he get's to be ur boyfriend again. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): he obviously loves you like crazy and wants to be with you more than anything in the world and that's why he joined you ! if he met that girl on the plane and she started saying baby to him it definitely means nothing ! i know it's not right and it's verbal cheating but given the short time they've known each other i think he wanted to spoil his ego with other women's attention! don't read much into it , cause he loves you and only wants to be with you!
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female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (22 April 2011):
 you cant move on.things like this dont just disappear, i know that you want them to but it just isnt going to happen.if you think of what hes said hes basically blamed it on you, you said that he blamed it on not getting attention for the last few years - hes saying you havent paid attention to him, blaming you for his cheating.i dont think he will change, if he happily gave his number to a woman on a plane think of how easily hell give it to someone else.
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