A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together just shy of 2 1/2 years. He's been under a lot of stress lately because we are starting college and because of his job, but stress from school and his job have never been a problem with our sex life until now. We only have sex when he wants to. Whenever I try recently, I always get shut down. He tells me he's tired or he's busy or that he just simply doesn't want to. I've tried so hard to get him to want me, but nothing works. I do my hair how he likes, I've tried new positions, I've bought skimpy undergarments, but nothing works. The worst part is that when we do have sex now it feels like there's no passion in it. It literally feels like having sex with a stranger. I've tried talking to him about it, but he blows the situation off. He'll either tell me "you don't have to worry about that", "stop worrying about it, that's a stupid thing to worry about", or he'll just avoid the subject completely and change topics. I don't know what to do. I love him, but I feel like he's just not attracted to me anymore. I feel unwanted, unattractive, and lost. Where did the spark go?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (10 August 2013):
 I am sorry to hear you are going through this. To be rejected physically for sex can be crushing on one's self-esteem, especially when you are doing all the trying and you are in love with the other person.
I don't believe in playing tit-for-tat as some of the other answers have alluded to. I don't believe two wrongs make a right even though the intent is clearly to teach him how it feels. If you have to hurt someone to show them how it feels to be "you" then I think that person really doesn't care about you nor do they have the emotional capability to be in a relationship.
Instead, I hope you take a good hard look at the guy you are dating. I suspect there is a LOT more going on in your relationship than what you said in your brief post. The fact that a young man his age isn't interested in sex with you means to me that he is half checked out already or is truly overwhelmed with whatever he is doing. You don't mention what is keeping him busy and perhaps there lies the rub: you don't know exactly where he is coming from...
Either way, the fact that he rejects you sexually despite your best efforts and when he does make loves it is all about him and him getting off, shows me where his loyalties lie: with himself. It is no longer about love for him, it is about getting off.
While it may be a tough question to ask, it may be time to take a look at the man you are dating in a fresh perspective and without "love" clouding the picture. Ask yourself: Is this the type of "prince charming" you really want to be with? What type of man do you think he'd be if you became pregnant? Would you want him in your life for the next 18 years helping raise the child? Do you see this getting better?
But before closing the book on him, I would urge you to talk to him about what you are feeling. Even write him a letter if you are afraid to talk to him. But the bottom line is that you are unhappy and you don't deserve to be treated in this manner.
Don't let yourself get bound in a relationship that has run its course or with someone who treats like you don't matter. Life is too short for that.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 August 2013):
 Before you break up - I would actually try and give him a taste of his own medicine, see if he understand what you are saying if you SHOW it. Which means YOU turn HIM down for sex a few times.
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A
female
reader, StephJayne  +, writes (9 August 2013):
 I can relate to this slightly.When I was dating my ex, after a while we only seemed to have sex whenever he wanted. If I ever wanted it, he'd always say to me that he wasn't in the mood or was tired.It got me frustrated so, I played him at his own game. Whenever he wanted to have sex I said "I'm too tired" "I'm not in the mood".It was great. He was feeling exactly how I felt. Until one night when I was asleep I was woken up to him having sex with me while I was sleeping.. Kind of freaked me out!Anyway, I would just play him at his own game. And talk to him again. If he changes the subject or tells you not to 'worry' about it, just keep asking. It is important in a relationship to have connection whilst making love. It's the time when you're intimate with each other so it needs to be special.If he keeps changing the subject then you need to tell him how you feel. Tell him it is important. And if he's not going to talk about it then it shows you how much he cares.Hope this helps, and good luckSJ x
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