A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (2hrs drive away) not that far but I can't see him as much as I wanted. I am pretty certain that one of his female colleague whom I also know, likes him. We use to work together, even when I was there, she would flirt with him and follow him around, but nothing too obvious.Ever since I moved away, they became closer, she would ask him to help her get grocery among other things. They would hang out alone at hers. I feel uncomfortable about this since she obviously likes him. I have brought it up to my boyfriend. It only led to arguments and caused tension between us since he thinks there is nothing wrong for him to help her out and for them to be friends. I don't know what to do, I can't win here, I can't tell him not to hang out with her since doing so only drifts us further apart. I feel that she is coming in between us on purpose! Am I overreacting?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2013):
 LDRS suck even in the BEST of situations. I did a 2 hour LDR for a year… we could not bear it any longer… he moved to be with me…. Aunty BABBIT is right… that you must have trust to make this work.
Just because SHE wants him does not mean he should be punished for HER bad behavior. IF a man is committed to a woman you can put him in a room of hot, naked horny women and all it will do is make him miss you more. IF you don’t trust him, you have nothing. You have told him how you feel and it’s not making an impact and it’s causing fights.
You can’t tell him not to be friends with him because even wives do not have the right to dictate who their husband is friends with. IF you have told him it bothers you and he chooses not to change his behavior to accommodate your needs, that’s his choice but it makes a statement about how he feels. HIS needs and HIS WANTS are more important to him than your peace of mind and comfort.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if you were hanging out with one of your male friends all the time. CMMP is right. Your bf is putting himself in a position where things could happen. When any of my male friends get into relationships, out of respect for their gf they curtail hanging out with friends of the opposite sex one on one. We tend to hang out in groups where the girlfriend is always involved. It's a respect thing and they innately understand that their gf might get jealous, so they don't do it.
You can't really control who your boyfriend wants to spend time with. The fact that he's getting defensive about it means that he is beginning to value her friendship and ignoring your feelings. That's not a good sign. You have a lot of thinking to do.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 LDR's are very hard and without trust you have nothing.
Look, you've mentioned your concerns to him so he knows you think this girl likes him and you feel threatened by her.
He might not agree with you but he should understand and respect your fear and spend less time getting angry and more time reassuring you
This girl is trying to get his attention and wants him for her own? Perhaps, perhaps not! She might have a crush on him, she might be in love with him then again she might just be lonely and need a friend and see's your guy as a safe choice because he has a girlfriend already!
There is nothing you can do!
Your boyfriend is either telling you the truth and is just being a friend to this girl or he's enjoying her attention and playing the field.
But look at the situation, she's there and making herself available to him (or so you believe) and you're upsetting him telling him not to be her friend because you don't trust either of them!
There is always a risk in a situation like this that you might lose him to her anyway but you're actions are more likely to drive him into her arms!
You've made your fears known so now all you can do is sit back, trust him and wait or rethink your relationship.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 October 2013):
Your bf is most likely upset because he's not doing anything that most people would consider cheating, and you're acting like he is.
However, just because he has no intention of cheating doesn't mean it couldn't happen. When you spend a lot of time with someone who you like that's of the opposite sex, things tend to happen. That's why a caring and responsible person doesn't put themselves in situations like this.
So that's the real problem, the alone time. I would absolutely not put up with this. Some people would and that's their choice. It seems to be making you very unhappy, so you need to thoroughly explain him why you don't like this, how it makes you fee and what you'd like him to do about it.
I wouldn't tell him he can't be friends with her, but draw the line wherever you choose. If he respects your wishes, great. If not, either leave him or stay and accept his choice.
Give him your trust or you'll go crazy. Assume that he'll be a responsible and caring boyfriend. If the time comes and he proves to not be trustworthy, dump him, no questions asked. He'll have proved himself to be unworthy of you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Maybe you're blowing this whole thing out of proportion and it isn't as bad as it seems. Maybe they're only just friends and even if she likes your boyfriend, he wont ever let that come between his relationship with you.
That being said, your boyfriend should understand that if it disturbs you so much, then he should respect your wishes. You obviously have a reason for feeling the way you're feeling and you're not being unreasonable and demanding just for the heck of it. You are his priority and keeping YOU happy is his priority. Hanging out with her and helping her isnt. She can ask someone else for help too, why just your boyfriend? He should understand your point of view because if it were the other way around and you were hanging out with a guy who liked you, how would he feel?
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