A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:when I met my boyfriend 11 months ago he said he was seperated and he and his wife had agreed to a divorce but as neither was in another relationship he did not start any divorce process. He claimed his wife left him, took the kids and lives in aother country. That they had discussed this and agreed to an amicable divorce.Since we met I initially adviced that he make up with his wife and give it a try since I was also divorced myself. He said it was over. 11 months down the line he keeps giving one excuse or the other as to why the divorce has not come through. He claims he loves me and I have fallen in love with him but he keeps doing things for her - paying her debts and when I ask why he says its because of the kids however when I ask him to do anything for me he never does always an excuse of needing to do things for the kids at that time and knowing I will never ask him to put his kids over me I usualy drop it. I am 41 years and he is 42, I don't know if I am wasting my time with this guy and he is only using me for sex. I have only met one of his friends but never met any of his family and he never invites me to any outings where his friends would be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): yes you are wasting your time. he is just using you.
even if he gets the divorce he is still hiding his life from you - his family and friends. do you trust him ? check for inconsistencies with his stories. and then you will catch him out if you havn't already.
A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (8 May 2009):
You're welcome. I know that trusting someone after a "failed" marriage is not easy and I'd hate for your new guy to take advantage of that fact. You deserve happiness and honesty. Remember that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBellaaddison thanks for your response, I have tried speaking to him he maintains that the divorce would go along and things are not as easy as it seems. I guess moving one might be my best option although it took alot for me to decide to go into another relationship after my divorce
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A
female
reader, bellaaddison +, writes (7 May 2009):
I'd simply ask him where the relationship is heading and what he truly intends to do regarding his "seperation"... Maybe he just takes for granted that you accept his situation as is. Maybe he needs a little push?? I wouldn't be surprised however if he is still involved with his wife and keeping himself "occupied" with you while they work things out. Sorry, but I just think the situation seems a bit odd. Talk to him. You're entitled to know.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (7 May 2009):
 This guy has no intention of getting divorced...You are a booty call. Nothing more, nothing less.
Sorry, but ditch this fool...I am not so sure that this wife lives in another country either. Ever speak to her by phone, ask her yourself?
Yep, for all you know they could all be living down the block.
Get yourself tested for STD's as well. You never know if this goof has more than just you on the side as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat thanks I guess I can't ignore the thought that has crossed my mind all along
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A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow +, writes (7 May 2009):
 honey i truley think he is just using you and some men will say anything to get what they want. i really do hope you figure it out. try listening to your gut feeling, it's usually right
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): So, basically all you're getting out of this is sex and a bit of male company. The rest of it is all very complicated isn't it? There must be a lot of uncomplicated men out there looking for an uncomplicated woman like yourself. Do you really want all this hassle at your time of life?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou confirmed my thoughts as well. His wife is in another country but according to him left a lot of debts behind - store cards, loans etc which he claimed he did not know about. He says he is now paying fr them. He also mentioned a loan she took from a family friend last July in the country she lives in now and he was contacted by the friend asking that he pay up. When I questioned why he had to and he took offence saying I was biased against his wife.
Thanks a lot
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): This sounds like a rather strange relationship.
I can understand him taking care of his kids, any decent man would, but I can't understand how he would want to pay her debts if she lives in another country with the kids, or even how he would do it. Does she send him invoices for stuff she's bought or what?
You've not met his family or any of his friends bar one, and it looks to me like he's keeping you out of his day to day life, as if you're some sort of 11 month old secret.
Are you sure his wife and kids are in another country and not just around the corner? It sounds to me like he could be spinning you a right old yarn, and I fear you might just be his 'bit on the side' and you haven't come to realise it yet. I hope not for your sake, but it sure seems like it. Something isn't right, that's for sure.
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